It is no news that wherever we turn, there’s always some semblance of love in our immediate environment—an overwhelming feeling of undying passion and affection towards the said person. Ask anyone, and they will have an opinion on the keys to long-lasting love.
We probably have different definitions of how we perceive long-lasting love. However, it is still deeply rooted in experiences that cause unending emotional roller coasters, tons of butterflies in our tummies, with the occasional inducement of unexplainable strong desires. Sometimes, these temporary feelings last a lifetime.
Our point is, we have all felt love at some point in our lives, whether subtly or extremely, and yet, we agree that it is a beautiful feeling for all it’s worth. If we are entirely honest, there are no guidelines to long-lasting love.
There is no logic to this phenomenon that holds a temporary lock onto a person’s emotions or heart. Loving is half of the time— enjoying and savoring the moments. It is moving in the direction of the wind – the heart. But have we figured it out?
Long-lasting love can almost be described to be a committed and positive love life. The lovers remain socially and emotionally intelligent and are ‘conscious’ on their way to intentional happiness towards long-term love.
Every love relationship starts with the head-over-heels phase, but with time, conflicts arise, and to make it long-lasting, it is essential to understand the basic keys of a successful relationship.
Navigating through the five keys of long-lasting love
Everybody falls in love once in a while. Falling and remaining in love requires some effort, though, because, in real life, love isn’t just a feeling. It is a practice, and without the theories, it becomes a failed course.
Consequently, we have drafted out five keys to unlocking a long and lasting love relationship.
For intense feelings of love, be consistent! It’s actually easier than it sounds. It is actively engaging in activities you do that make your partner happy! You know, that imaginary love tank where you know that the love is storing up somewhere? That is what you should fill up.
To stay in love, try to do the things you did in the beginning to gain your other half’s love. It is almost natural that you might want to lay back off a little; that’s okay, but don’t become too confident or complacent. We agreed love is also a practice, so consistency is required.
To do this to a reasonable extent, you have to know your partner’s love language. Since we all love in different ways, love is subjective and distinctive to individuals. So, know what your partner considers as a show of love and affection. Read Gary Chapman’s framework, the love languages on the guidelines to love languages.
Initially, we tend to show love in all the languages available. This is usually because you do not understand what your other half might consider as love.
As you grow further into the relationship, there will inevitably be some slippage. However, never forget to do the things they love. If your partner enjoys reading, get your better half a library!
Recognize the signs in your love life too. It requires observations and occasional trial and error. We all have narrow ideas as to what a romantic gesture of love should involve. It might require you to take time as a busy person to spend the day with your lover to keep a lasting love life.
Don’t fall back on the little things. They go a long way to putting a smile on your partner’s face.
Love that lasts does not exclude the occasional disagreements and conflicts. Couples obviously go through rough patches and disagree at some points. This is inevitable because we are humans with different backgrounds and different views. Conflicts can arise even in the middle of the best moments.
The most important aspect is how you manage these conflicts. For couples who are in love, they stay in love because they understand their differences and interests. These clashes can add much-needed intrigue to a relationship if handled correctly.
They also know that unresolved repeated conflicts can threaten and ultimately damage relationships and make it much harder for them to regain what they have lost. Hence, it is important to always try to resolve conflicts—no matter how little. Read how couples that remain together approach their conflicts in distinct ways.
It is always best to do this after both parties have cooled off from the heat of the moment. If you are both in love and wish to remain in love, there must always be a conscious effort to resolve conflicts as quickly and amicably as possible.
Long overdue conflicts would most likely result in long-term damages to the relationships. It is okay to be pissed or get in a hot clash. Just don’t let it go on for a day.
No one wants an overbearing partner in a long lasting relationship.
Why are you suddenly getting jealous and nasty because your other half would like space to think? Why are you pissed and obnoxious because your lover has refused to do what you want? Why are you sulking when even the best couples need time to recuperate and focus on their personal lives once in a while?
If both parties in the relationship thrive on dominating the relationship, there are bound to be problems. It is perfectly okay not to want to control the relationship or how your partner should perform. Space is an essential factor in a long-lasting relationship.
Allow your partner to enjoy what makes them happy without your constant intrusion.
You have been in a relationship for a long while. This means you have grown to like the same things, perform the same activities, and try out new things together. Never forget you were separate people living distinct lives before you entered the relationship.
Sometimes, all it takes for it to get better all over again is a breath of fresh air. This can be by spending time alone or with friends. It’s also advisable to do things outside the relationship ring. It helps for more mystery and intrigue!
That way, there’s a defined balance and control, and doing things together again never gets old. If you are never out of each other’s company, you could both turn into a new creature that is a combination of your old selves. You could end up losing sight of the person you first fell in love with.
A lifetime of love sounds beautiful, but how far can you go to maintain it? We believe empathy to be the basic foundation upon which every human relationship should be founded. Be honest. Be compassionate. Be kind. Be thoughtful.
There are no double meanings here. These are human emotions that people in love grow familiar with.
After a stressful and tiring day, you just want to go home and bounce up on your bed to sleep. You are frustrated and visibly tired, but you get home, and alas! Your partner forgot to put off a little switch, and you immediately flare up and transfer the aggression of the long day on your lover. Why? Because you assume that they would naturally understand the circumstances.
Your love life should be like a form of safe space for each of you, where you can express your fears, emotions, desires, and all of those. No one wants to remain in love with a negative person!
Be positive! For yourself, your partner, and the growth of your love. What became of “please,” “thank you,” and “would you mind?” If you want to feel positive about what you have together, you need to start by being courteous and respectful to each other.
Remember your basic manners, and speak with respect and kindness to one another.
Be kind. Try your best to say the right words. Be aware of the right timing too. Love is a practice, remember? Be kind and compassionate. For long-lasting love, you should have observed your partner to a reasonable extent, where you will understand how and what to do or say at the right time.
Be thoughtful and helpful. It does not hurt to lend a helping hand when you can. Apologize when needed. In fact, be the first to apologize! Say sorry; pride and love cannot go hand in hand.
Your partner will not forget these good gestures. It makes it even harder for the currency in the love bank to run out.
Check out this video by Mary Jo Rapini to understand how you can inculcate empathy in the relationship:
5. Making love last forever is never one-sided
Making love last forever can be likened to the Tango dance. It reminds us of the rhythm between the two dancers. This dance requires two dancers in sync and complement each other. Each dancer releases themselves to their partner without holding back.
For your love life to go the distance, you must ride with your partner on that roller coaster. Please, do not leave them out on the affairs of your private life. Let them know what goes in your head, your place of work, and the highlights when they are absent.
Your partner is first in line to know about the little things and the more significant details as well.
It requires two individuals intentionally pulling in the same direction to build a long-lasting relationship. Without this, the passion can quickly burn out. You do not expect your lover to understand everything without receiving the information from you. Engage in activities together to build your love.
Be kind to each other, and give space when it is needed. Always work hand in hand to nurture a long-lasting love, as it cannot and should not be one-sided.
Be intentional about not leaving your other half behind while you try to progress your life. Do not make decisions without your partner; discuss things and make plans together. It is a race for two.
To use these keys effectively, you have to start out with someone who wants you to be happy and is prepared to consciously work towards making that happen. If you’re approaching the relationship with the same attitude, you are well on your way to a love that lasts a lifetime.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.