How to Renew a Relationship After a Breakup

Relationships are extremely fragile and can break due to unrealistic expectations, simple misunderstandings, and minor issues. How to save your relationship from a breakup? If you and your spouse have mastered the art of resolving conflicts peacefully, and problem-solve marital challenges, then there is no way your relationship would trudge up to the point of breakup. 

However, once relationships break, the task of restoring them is very challenging. Sometimes, taking a break in a relationship can help you gain perspective and help you decide how to successfully get back together after a break-up. So, how to make a relationship stronger after a breakup? 

Trying to get the same intensity of affection back as before is not only hard, but takes a lot of time, consistency, and patience. Breakups can be caused by many reasons, including a communication gap, a misunderstanding as well as lack of relationship skills.

Whatever the cause; what can you do to renew your relationship after a breakup? Read on to find out effective ways to renew a relationship. 

Understand the reasons

How to get back together after a breakup?

To be able to resolve any problem, understanding the reasons behind it is the first important task and the first step in your bid to renew a relationship. Without being aware of what caused it, you will not know what to do next time. Accordingly, a breakup cannot be overcome and relationship be repaired. Carefully analyze each stage of your relationship and figure out where things went wrong.

According to experts, the process of determining the reasons behind a breakup can be made more effective if both individuals work collaboratively, helping each other figure the problem and the solution.

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Breakup

Forgive to heal

There is no simple answer to the question, “how long after break up to get back together?” but before wanting to renew a relationship, you need to be willing to forgive.

Once the issues have been highlighted, both the partners should take positive steps to forgive each other’s mistakes. If you continue holding on to your mistakes, you would never be able to rebuild your relationship. If you want to take your relationship to new heights, forgive each other, let go and move on.

So, how to rekindle a broken relationship?

Desmond Tutu wrote in his book, The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing  “We are not responsible for what breaks us, but we can be responsible for what puts us back together again. Naming the hurt is how we begin to repair our broken parts.”

Welcome to the new relationship

What to do after a breakup with your partner and how to fix a broken relationship after breaking up? Recovering from a breakup is an uphill task.

Many couples after a breakup, want to renew the old form of the relationship with the same passion, drama, dynamics, etc.. At times, it can be done, but most of the time, especially after infidelity, betrayal or trauma, the “new” connection brings about new dimensions and new ways of looking at things. It might be a less innocent way of looking at the relationship or mature way of seeing your partner.

Whatever the case may be, it is important to embrace the new relationship and the changes that come along with it.

If you insist on having the past, it will keep you stay focused on what has been lost. While, if you embrace the present, you can grow into a new connection in the future, while appreciating it. That also answers the question, how to solve relationship problems without breaking up. 

Renew your commitment to renew a relationship

How to save a relationship after a breakup? The key lies in setting in stone the new ground rules that will be conducive to your marital happiness.

The next step is to renew your commitment and let your other half know the new decisions and resolutions. Once you commit to your partner that you will be good do, your best, and will try to avoid mistakes, make sure you adhere to your commitments.

How to restart a relationship?

If you are keen to renew a relationship realize your past mistakes and ensure that you do not make them again in the future.

It often happens that partners commit to each other but forget it soon after. This is one of the reasons why many people fail to get back into a successful relationship after a breakup. Commitment is a necessity to keep relationships warm and long-lasting. It is correct when they say that you cannot change the past, but you have the power to change the future.

Change yourself

How to get back together after a break up naturally? Well, changing yourself is the first step to be able to renew a relationship.

A relationship break up is painful. You might not be able to influence and bring about changes in your partner, but you can certainly change yourself. Changing yourself is probably the most effective way of resolving issues. These changes might appear more accepted and be appealing to the partner.

How to deal with taking a break in a relationship? Break your old habits. 

Once you have changed your bad habits and have learned to control your impulse reactions, you may want to try and bring about certain changes in your partner if they are willing.

This, however, doesn’t mean that you become too submissive to the partner, but it’s about adjusting yourself for a more satisfying and conflict-free relationship.

Embrace love as a renewable energy

Love can be defined in many different ways, but I once read that love is a positive energy that is created when the following three tightly interwoven events take place:

• A sharing moment of positive emotions between you and your partner;
• A harmony and synergy between your and your partner’s biochemistry and behaviors;
• A mutual desire to invest in each other well being and care for one another.

This will also answer your question, “how to bring passion back into a relationship?”

The points above mean that love is an on-going effort that both partners need to create. Both partners must physically or emotionally be engaged with one another to establish these moments of love and connections. Yet, it would also be natural to have times with no love, but it can always be created as it is a renewable resource. The more you practice creating love, the more you and your partner will be motivated to create even greater love.

Bring passion back into your relationship

If you want to renew a relationship, reignite the passion.  To repair a relationship after a breakup, passion is the secret sauce.

Bring passion and sex into your priority list. Often, couples make a mistake when they stop being friends and lovers for whatever reasons (babies, work, stress, routine, etc.).

How to fix a relationship after a breakup or when you first start noticing the creases in your otherwise smooth relationship? Make the intimate relationship a priority and allocate the necessary time and effort to bring excitement, novelty, and passion into your relationship and bedroom.

Kiss and hug each other, text complimentary message to your partner, organize date nights, go out to interesting restaurants, events or activities. The point here is to add some spark and variety into your romantic relationship so you can renew a relationship that you have invested so much in. 

Communication is key to renew a relationship

Can a relationship work after a breakup? People often wonder,  can a relationship work after several breakups? Is love enough to help them look past the reasons straining their relationship?

The majority of breakups take place because of a lack of communication between two partners. A slight misunderstanding, the wrong tone, or perhaps bad timing are some of those little things that can result in something so drastic as a breakup. Getting back together after a breakup is a tall order. 

How to solve relationship problems without breaking up? Make sure you enhance your communication skills and work together with your partner to develop a more understanding, well-connected relationship.

If you still find yourself asking, “Can a breakup be good for a relationship?” the answer is simple.

If it is a toxic relationship, then the break up is a much-needed release from the shackles of toxicity. In that case, how to recover from a breakup? You must understand that every ending is a new beginning. Utilize the time alone post break up in self-care and resurrect your confidence. It is important that you learn to feel whole on your own first, and not depend on a partner to complete you as an individual. In fact, therapy after breakup can give you invaluable tools to rebuild your sense of self-worth and become positive.

However, if the relationship is not a threat to your well being, then the break up can help you think, contemplate, prioritize and take a fruitful decision for yourself and the course of your relationship. So that answers the question, can breaking up save a relationship.

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Spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy Marriage & Family Therapist

Founder and Executive Director of spiral2grow, Moshe Ratson is an innovative and successful coach and psychotherapist with a proven record of enhancing the performances of leaders and organizations. His practice includes Individual, Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling and Family Therapy Career Coaching... Read more as well as Executive Coaching services. Other issues he has worked with includes anger management, marital issues, career and life transitions as well as addressing all types of relationship problems. Read less

(Spiral2grow Marriage is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in New York City)