Are you new to marriage and trying to set the right tone for your future? Or have you been married for some time but are still confused about how to be a good wife?
Marriages can be demanding as you are often trying to adjust to sharing your life with your spouse. As a wife, you might be confused about things a wife should do for her husband, and people might offer you confusing advice.
There is a lot of outdated wisdom about what a woman needs to do to be a perfect wife. However, in the new roles that men and women occupy currently, such advice might not be applicable or practical (and might even be sexist).
But some traits required to be a good wife to your husband are somewhat the same as 60 years ago. You should try to be warm, understanding, and empathetic.
But, it is also different in one crucial aspect, which is your right to have the same sort of support and interest from your husband. Marriage is, after all, cooperation on shared goals and visions of the future, not a relationship of servitude.
Keep reading for advice that applies to marriages today and betters your actions as a wife to your husband.
If you are looking for ways to make your husband happy, here is a list of traits that can help you understand what a man needs from his wife. By doing these things, you can help transform your marriage little by little.
1. Be warm and affectionate
One of the best traits of a good wife is someone who knows how to show love to her husband. Being affectionate is a crucial suggestion, and you should actively find ways to express your love for him.
We often push aside our emotions and focus too much on everyday obligations, work, or worries. So much so that we let our loved ones guess how much we care about them. Don’t let this be the case in your marriage.
Try to be understanding towards your husband even when it’s hard. Although you don’t have to be painfully tolerant either, understanding is an essentially desirable characteristic.
None of us are perfect, and our husbands aren’t either. Try not to be submissive, but understanding your husband’s weaknesses and flaws is a necessary skill that is equally beneficial today as it was 60 years ago.
3. Tend to your husband’s needs
A modern man has different needs compared to someone in the 1950s, but the essence is the same – to be a good wife, you should put some effort into your husband’s needs. Tending to his needs doesn’t mean being tidy, smiling, and immaculately looking good all the time.
It does mean having empathy for what he might require and searching for ways to provide it for him or support him on his path. Try to make your life partner feel valued and cared for.
It feels so good being next to the one you love. But balance is key when it comes to giving your partner space. By remaining close to them constantly, you might make them feel smothered and suffocated.
Time away from each other can give couples the chance to retain their individuality. It can also help them realize the importance of the other person by being away from them briefly.
5. Support his goals
Do you have goals of being in a healthy and fulfilling relationship? If yes, then remember that striving towards personal goals is a part of all healthy relationships. Try to be there to support your partner’s dreams, as this would benefit your relationship overall.
Supporting your husband’s goals might sometimes involve pushing them, and sometimes it might require you to listen to them. Sometimes you might also have to give them a pep talk when they are feeling demotivated. Being a supportive partner involves various loving and caring actions as they work towards their goals.
Arguments are inevitable in any relationship. But it is how two people argue that is important. In learning how to be a good wife, find constructive ways of disagreeing with your partner. You can discover ways to be a better wife simply by being respectful during arguments.
Research shows that destructive communication patterns between couples are directly responsible for the frustration that often builds up in relationships. Therefore, be nice to your husband even when you are fighting with them. You don’t have to compromise on your values but be respectful and understanding towards each other.
7. Be healthy together
Good relationships can ensure a healthy lifestyle for both people involved. Therefore, in learning how to be a good wife, you can encourage your husband to develop a healthier lifestyle. You can try doing this together.
You can be a better wife by encouraging your husband to take care of their mental and physical health. You can start eating healthier, going to the gym, or visiting a therapist along with your husband.
Communication Expert Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, in his book ‘Love and Respect Workbook,’ highlights that unconditional respect and love are both equally important for husbands. Respect implies an appreciation and admiration of someone else.
Be particularly mindful of respecting your partner when you are out in public, as it can have long-term implications. Disrespect from you in front of others can make your husband feel embarrassed, ashamed, angry, or insecure as it will hurt their pride.
9. Express your needs
Nobody can help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. Part of learning how to be a good wife is to communicate your needs and desires to your husband.
It can be tricky figuring out what another person wants, resulting in your husband potentially feeling distanced from you, confused, or frustrated. Tell him exactly what you need, and don’t let them try to guess the correct answer endlessly.
10. Love yourself
The advice to love yourself might seem surprising, but it is perhaps the most important. You cannot learn how to be a good wife unless you first love and appreciate your beautiful self.
Only when a person truly loves all their qualities and shortcomings can they love another person. If you are a good friend to yourself, you will be a good wife to your partner too.
Elsa was right; it is better to “Let It Go.” Every fight in a marriage is not worth having. A key lesson to learn when trying to understand how to be a good wife is to let go of the minor things that bother you.
Minor issues keep coming up in marriages, and if you keep having fights about them, the relationship will constantly be in a state of conflict and tension. Exercise patience and reason to decide which issues are worth having a conflict over.
12. Address the issues
Fights might seem destructive and silence peaceful, but this is not true. Silence can be a way to deny or avoid an issue that might be meaningful for the healthy functioning of a relationship.
Research points out that denial is a defensive technique that can have long-term caustic effects on a relationship. Addressing the issue respectfully and lovingly can not just take care of the problem, but it can also improve the quality of the relationship.
13. Practice self-control
Relationships can be highly emotionally draining but try not to lose your cool when things seem stressful. Practicing self-control is essential in any relationship.
If you lose your cool, then that might worsen the situation and your husband’s feelings too. So, in learning how to be a good wife, developing self-control is a must. It can help you avoid problems, as well as maturely handle the ones that prop up.
14. Be generous
One of the most beneficial tips for being a good wife is to be generous towards your husband and his needs. You can convey this generosity in your kind words, considerate actions, and understanding reactions towards any mistake that your husband makes.
Kindness towards your partner will make them feel loved and supported. Even when you disagree with them, your generosity will help your husband not feel cornered and targeted. A generous attitude is a great place to start communication with your partner.
Want an answer to the question, “what makes a good wife?” Just listen. If you take the time to listen to your partner when they express how they feel or mention things that have happened to them, you can avoid problems.
Listening to your husband conveys your care and consideration for how they feel and what they are saying. Listening will also help you understand your husband’s intentions, nature, and feelings better.
16. Don’t forget sex
Let’s talk about sex! Sex is an essential component of most marriages, and work is required to keep it engaging for both partners. In learning about how to be a good wife, don’t forget about sex and keeping things spicy.
Observe your husband and try to understand what a husband needs from his wife in the bedroom. You can suggest new things and keep an open mind to avoid sex from becoming boring or tedious for you or your husband.
Marriages can be complicated, especially when you are adjusting to being part of a new family. It might make things easier if your husband could see that you care for his family. And caring about his family will have multiple benefits.
Your caring attitude will showcase to your husband your emotional investment and concern about things and people important to him. It might even encourage him to be caring towards your loved ones. You could also improve your connection with your husband’s family through these acts.
18. Share hobbies
Suppose your husband likes trekking while you like being indoors, it might make it hard for you to spend free time together. But part of understanding how to be a good wife is to share a few hobbies with your spouse and bond simultaneously.
There is no need for you and your husband to have identical hobbies. But you can try some new things out together and allow yourself to share a new hobby. Or you could also try out each other’s hobbies and maybe develop an interest in one of them.
19. Have fun
Don’t forget to have fun! If you are worried about “how to be a better wife to my husband,” remember to keep things fun and light. It can elevate the mood and help bring down the stress levels for both of you. It may also provide your husband with positive energy for the rest of his day.
Marriage is a bond where you and your partner come together to share your lives. A big part of this bond is the commitment to be open and receptive to each other. Being open can help couples bond and trust each other more.
Being open implies letting your guard down and speaking to your husband about how you feel through honest communication. If you get defensive or build up walls, it could make your husband feel distant and frustrated.
21. Go tech-free
Set a particular time aside or day when both you and your husband can put your gadgets aside and spend time with each other. Gadgets like cell phones can be a distraction when trying to spend some quality time with your partner.
Put that phone down and invest in having an honest conversation with your partner about your day. You can listen to him share details about his day or even spend time doing something together like cooking or watching a movie.
22. Nurture his friendships
While it can be tempting to have your husband all to yourself, part of learning how to be a good wife is to let your husband have a good time with his friends. It will help him be a happier and more content version of himself.
On the contrary, if you try to hinder his time with his friends, he might resent you or grow unhappy/frustrated. And ultimately, why not give him the chance to miss you now and then?
23. Finances figured
Money, money, money. Finances are real, so don’t leave that to chance or entirely on your husband. Try to take matters into your own hands and follow a financial plan that works for you as a couple.
24. Compliment him
Who doesn’t like a compliment? Do you? So does your husband. Take the time to compliment your partner on how they look, how they make you feel, and about all the good things that they bring to the marriage table.
If you see them making an effort, then compliment them. Compliments act as affirmations, validation, and encouragement to do the right thing in the future.
Be humble and admit when you make a mistake. Part of learning how to be a good wife is taking responsibility for your actions and shortcomings. Even though it might be a hit to your pride, admitting mistakes will make your marriage less combative.
Check out this video to learn more about how to be a good wife:
Reasons for being a good wife
Marriages need the involvement of both partners, with specific roles that either partner might be better with. By learning how to be a good wife to your husband, you can encourage an environment of love and affection.
When your husband sees you trying to understand how a woman should treat her man, they might feel encouraged to follow your lead. Your initiative and commitment have the potential to motivate your partner, too, and create a loving marriage.
If you take the marriage for granted, it can lead to things getting overlooked, becoming boring or unfulfilling for the couple. You can either reciprocate your husband’s efforts or encourage him to do so by being a good wife.
Being married can seem daunting if you are uncertain about being a good spouse to your partner. But whether you are trying to understand how to be a good housewife or a working wife, use the tips mentioned here to help create a healthier marriage.
Every marriage is different, and so is every husband. Remember that your husband loves you for who you are, so feel confident in your abilities to be there for him. Don’t get complacent, and keep an open mind as you move forward.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.