Attempting to describe what love is and how you know “Do I love her” is like trying to rewrite one of the many beautiful sonnets passed down on the topic over the centuries. Many have tried to explain, but no one can quite express the full magnitude of the emotion.
When meeting someone initially, those feelings culminate into a passionate, intense affection that can lead to love or perhaps an infatuation. It’s a honeymoon phase often resulting in marriage, but these feelings aren’t the genuine “love” feeling that keeps people married.
When you consider that long-term connection for a healthy, thriving, loving marriage, those feelings generally involve a calm companionship that carries passion, friendship, safety and security, trust, faithfulness, loyalty, and so much more.
It can be many things to many people, but typically these elements are a must. Follow this researchto find out some scientifically proven facts to determine whether you’re in love.
What is love?
In trying to discern what does true love feel like, it’s good to be past what many deem the relationship’s honeymoon phase. You can usually tell you’ve gone beyond this point when things are much more calm and comfortable with a partner, somewhat more authentic.
What does true love feel like?
When you ask the question, “Do I love her,” you could be moving past the infatuation stage and genuinely seeing the signs you’re in love with her/him.
Knowing how to put what you’re feeling into actual words in something different. Love is many things depending on whom you ask.
Nearly everyone experiences the emotion at some point but verbalizing how it feels is difficult. There are so many adjectives you can use.
Still, these describe what you see in the other person, feel as a couple, what the other person brings to you. Assessing true love itself, again, would require composing a centuries-old sonnet, and even they didn’t define true love but merely expressed the author’s feelings.
When you know you love her or him, in my personal experience, is when there is serenity between you. If you can sit in a room together doing two different things in complete silence and be at peace together.
There’s a comfortability, a calm in those moments that a couple can only experience when they have found love.
Again, each person experiences love differently. When she makes you feel happy, when you feel comfortable with her or him, when you’re thinking about her and then find you dream about her or him, you’ll find yourself asking, “Do I love her or the idea of her?”
In the quiet moments when you’re alone, you’ll know the answer. Check out this video explaining how to tell when someone truly loves you for guidance.
40 signs you are in love with her
Have you been hit by Cupid’s arrow? It can be challenging to know when infatuation turns into the real thing. Love is complicated. It’s not perfect. In fact, it’s messy, requiring not only a bit of effort but sometimes hard work.
There will be times you question the reason you love her or even ask what do I like about her or him.
But at the end of the day, if you love her or him, you’ll work through all the turmoil and come to compromise and understanding, settling back into that rhythm that makes you work.
A fascinating bookto check out for answers as to How You Can Tell If You’re Really In Love is with Gordon Sol. Some signs that will help you recognize “Do I love her:”
1. Thoughts continually drift to this person
No matter what you do in your day or evening, your mate always pops into your thoughts for no apparent reason. The moment you lie down to sleep, even in your dreams, it’s curious if you’re a part of their thoughts as abundantly.
2. There is a deep sense of affection
You not only show affection to her or him, but you have a deep sense of caring for this person. You’re protective of her or him and only hope the best for them. The feelings go deeper than you have experienced to this point, and you’re unsure how to comprehend them.
3. Eccentricities find favor instead of overlooking them
In the beginning, you might have attempted to overlook the oddities that made your mate unique as you got to know the person. Still, now the unique qualities are appreciated even favored since they make your partner the person they are, and that’s special.
4. Good chemistry is a sign
When trying to discern “Do I love her,” good chemistry is a sign that the two of you are working towards a mutually loving partnership.
Chemistry can be a number of things aside from merely sexual passion. It can include liking each other, carrying an awesome friendship aside from the partnership you share. That makes for the ideal relationship.
It doesn’t even matter what you do, it’s just fun to spend time together, and neither of you can wait until the next time to see the other person.
6. Working through differences
When differences start to arise, you’ll begin to recognize the answer to “Do I love her” because it won’t be all about you anymore. You’ll want to ensure your mate is equally pleased. That means communication and compromise wherever possible until each person is satisfied.
7. The future is different now
In your previous plans, the future was generic with no genuine direction. Now you see a future that includes this individual as your significant other but most notably as the person who motivates you to grow and follow dreams that you never really put effort into pursuing.
8. No one turns your head
One indication as to “Do I love her” is when no other person has the capacity to pique your interest in the dating pool. When you have no desire to see anyone except your mate, that’s a sign that you’re falling in love.
9. Paying attention is important
Conversations with your mate are deep and interesting to the point you “actively” listen when there is a discussion. You don’t want to miss anything this individual has to say.
The good thing is that neither of you feels uncomfortable sharing opinions or thoughts since there will be no judgment or repercussions for what you might say.
10. You can’t wait to share experiences
No matter how small the incident or what happened during the day, your mate is the first person you want to share all the latest news and gossip with. While it used to be close friends or family, a quick call during the day to laugh about something that happened is your initial instinct.
11. Time spent together takes precedence
While you contemplate “Do I love her” the time that was at one point monopolized by close friends or performing solo activities, now you want to spend more time with the person you’re falling in love with.
While it isn’t your entire focus, culture is becoming more important to you because it serves as a way to help you express what you’re feeling. It’s challenging for you to put into words since you’re unsure yourself, “Do I love her,” but you can reflect those emotions with poetry or music.
13. Friends opinions matter
When friends appreciate a significant other, that’s huge. If your counterparts begin to have conversations about how much they like your mate, that can help with your own confusion as to “Do I love her/him.”
Friends’ opinions are a significant factor when it comes to a mate since they make up a big part of our lives.
14. Rough patches happen
Love is not neat with a bow on top. There are messy patches and challenges that each couple goes through. The way you know “Do I love her/him” is how the two of you handle these.
If you can do so with respect and clear communication, you’re on your way to a healthy partnership.
15. Needs become a priority
When you ensure that your needs are met and make your mate a priority, you can rest assured that you’re falling for this person. In a healthy partnership, each person ensures that all needs are met, and everyone is satisfied.
You might not have been a messy person, but now you take more time to put yourself together than you probably did in the past. The appearance takes a bit more precedence with this mate than most other people previously.
17. Trying new things
While no one could get you to try relish-covered peanut butter-filled pretzels or to watch operatics, your mate has you munching down through a whole show. You’re trying new things and not hating them.
18. A connection might be nice
When attempting to determine “do I love her,” there is a sudden desire to have a connection you haven’t felt with other mates before. This yearning is a sign there is more to this relationship than the feelings you’ve shared with past partners.
19. Changes are happening
You’re seeing changes in yourself, and it feels good. You have a desire to grow as a person in directions that you wouldn’t have if it weren’t for being exposed to the influence of this new partner.
You might notice intellectual, physical, social differences that naturally develop as the relationship progresses.
20. Passion grows deeper
Many people believe as a relationship changes from a honeymoon phase into the reality of comfortability and familiarity, there will be a dip in the passion.
That’s not true. Once you feel comfortable, there’s more desire to explore and get to know the person you love, so that little spark you had becomes a flame.
21. Time apart is difficult
When you’re still struggling with “Do I love her,” your preference is to spend as much time together as possible to figure it out. But there are times when that’s not possible, perhaps a business trip, a friend-only trip, or some other reason for time apart.
While you’ll miss each other, it will only make seeing each other again that much more gratifying.
22. Arguments don’t have to end the relationship
Typically, you can work through the rough patches, but when there’s a full-blown argument and compromise is off the table, it can feel like the end of the relationship. It doesn’t have to be when you love someone.
There is a point where you can agree to disagree, take time and space apart, and come back together to lay out boundaries around that topic.
At some point, it will be time to introduce family members, especially if you come to a positive answer to “Do I love her.” That can be an incredibly nervous period, but the idea is to take comfort in the fact that if your mate loves you, they will too.
24. Close friends and family are not too sure about you
In that same vein, you’ve met the close friends and family, and they haven’t made up their minds how they feel about you yet. The only thing you can do about that is continue to be yourself and hope for the best.
You can’t change or put on airs to impress because that’s not authentically who you are. They either love you as the person you’re meant to be and who your mate loves, or they won’t. Hopefully, they will since they’re a significant part of your partner’s life.
25. No lies necessary
Trust is an integral part of a relationship. When you fall in love with someone, there is no desire to lie, not a little tiny “I’m on my way” when you’re still at the office; nothing in any way that signifies an “untruth.” Your goal is to carry complete honesty to develop the optimum trust level.
26. Life is good
There is a zip in your step. Everything feels good when contemplating “Do I love her” and finding that you believe you do. There are typically butterflies in the stomach, good vibes running through the brain, and rose-colored glasses making everything appear bright and sunshiny. Nothing can spoil this kind of mood.
27. A desire to protect your mate
When you find someone is speaking negatively about your partner, it sends a protective alert to your brain plus a jolt of anger. No one likes it when people speak ill of those we love. While we can get annoyed or notice an eccentricity or flaw, no one else is allowed to say something.
28. You realize where everyone else went wrong
Where you might have pondered a previous relationship considering it had been the one and you didn’t understand why it didn’t work out, it becomes apparent when you do find the right one. You look back at these past partnerships, and it all makes sense.
29. Listening to your mate’s story
When a partner tells their story, you give them your full attention when you love this person. You want to hear every detail about their life up to this point.
It’s essential to know everything they love, when their birthday is, their favorite color, everything that’s important to them. What’s great is when you’re in love, you remember these things.
30. Remembering each moment
In saying that, not only do you remember their life story, but each date you have is filed away like a picture in your memory.
On the first date, you can remember what your mate wore, how they smelled, what they ate, the conversation you had, each moment, and the following dates. That’s one way you can tell “Do I love her.”
31. The notion of a break-up is mortifying
Even the thought that there could be a break-up or worse, something could happen to your mate is unfathomable, especially when you believe that you are falling in love with this person.
Love is powerful, and loss is grievous – two things with the power to take our breath, one lifting us to great height, the other bringing us to our knees.
32. People hear about your mate constantly
The topic of most conversations is your mate when you’re not with them. It’s difficult when you go out with friends or family to discuss anything else because most likely you’ve fallen in love and can’t think of anything but this person.
33. Daydreaming on the job
While at work, you contemplate, “Do I love her.” Unfortunately, this isn’t the time or place to zone out. Often, staff find themselves in the manager’s office due to daydreaming on the job instead of producing. That’s especially true when they find themselves newly in love.
34. Review text messages as reading material
When alone with nothing to do, you bring out the texts, emails, and other digital conversations you’ve shared and reread them. It’s almost as if you’re having the discussions again with the same elevation in mood and smiles as if it were the first time.
Your partner brings happiness and support to you. If saving messages and rereading them boosts your spirits and energizes you, you might be in love.
35. Spending time with individual hobbies or interests
There are moments when there’s nothing to do as a couple, but you want to spend some time together. That’s a time when you know the answer to “Do I love her.”
Each of you could be engaging in an individual interest or hobby, but, instead, you involve the other person and trade-off the next time. That way you can learn about each other’s hobbies or interests.
36. Long day but still time
Even if it’s been a long day and you’re exhausted, there can still be a few minutes to interact with your partner. You might need to make it a mere five minutes, but an understanding significant other will enjoy those five minutes.
Whether bringing them an individual takeout to ensure they have dinner or stopping by for a simple hug, at least you can see each other and get home for some much-needed sleep—a sure sign of love.
37. Sensitivity to feelings
There is a genuine sensitivity to your mate’s feelings and vice versa. If your partner lands their dream job, you’re nearly as ecstatic as they are. If they lose that position, the disappointment is almost as painful.
When you have a distinct feeling that you love someone, you carry empathy magnified for that person.
38. Compassion is different than empty love
When you want someone else to be happy more so than you desire your own happiness, that’s different from the infatuation you have at the beginning of a relationship.
These sorts of feelings are the type that you would genuinely let the person go if they didn’t share the same kind of feelings for you that you did for them, and it would make them happy to allow them to move on – compassionate love.
39. An effort is not needed
Love is supposed to take much effort and need lots of work for it to be healthy and thrive, but for those of us who have found the true love of our life, it really doesn’t feel like work or effort.
You do have to give and take; there is compromise, and disagreements and arguments do occur. But the effort for me is relatively effortless because I dearly love my husband. When you know you’re falling in love, you’ll have that sense.
40. Security takes away insecurity
When you trust and believe in someone, there’s no need for insecurities like why was there no text back, why is my mate not calling me, where is my partner, why are they late.
There’s a reason. And if you’re upset, you know you can have that open, honest and vulnerable conversation because you have that security between you and you trust in your mate’s feelings. That’s when you know you’ve fallen in love.
“Do I love her?” When you do, you’ll know. It’s a calm feeling that takes you over. There’s a sense of peace and serenity with another person unlike any you might have felt with another partner.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.