How to Deal With an Unhappy Marriage: 10 Practical Tips

Staying in an unhappy marriage doesn’t fix anything—it just prolongs the pain. 

If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. Many people, at some point, wonder, “I’m so unhappy in my marriage, is this even worth saving?” 

Maybe you’ve felt stuck in a loveless marriage, where communication is strained and intimacy is long gone. You may find yourself asking, “How do I deal with an unhappy marriage?” or wondering if it’s time to walk away.

The signs of an unhappy marriage are often subtle at first but can grow into deep, emotional wounds—lack of affection, constant arguing, or simply feeling disconnected. 

This article will offer you practical tips to handle this tough situation, whether you’re looking to heal or figuring out if leaving is the best choice. 

Keep reading to explore what steps you can take to either improve the relationship or come to terms with a difficult decision. You deserve happiness, and it’s time to find a path that leads you to it.

What is an unhappy marriage?

An unhappy marriage is more than just a few rough patches—it’s a persistent feeling of dissatisfaction, where emotional and physical connections start to fade. You might feel distant from your partner, like you’re living separate lives under the same roof. 

When you’re not happy in a marriage, it’s not just about occasional disagreements or small annoyances, but a deeper sense that something is missing. The laughter, the intimacy, and the emotional support that once made you feel connected might feel like distant memories.

Maybe you find yourselves constantly arguing or, worse, completely avoiding conflict altogether. The communication is weak, the affection is gone, and the joy in your relationship feels like it’s been replaced with frustration or indifference. 

You may even start questioning how to deal with an unhappy marriage, wondering whether it’s worth fighting for or time to let go. Whatever the case, it’s clear that something needs to change.

Common signs of an unhappy marriage

Many people experience moments of doubt, but sometimes these feelings reveal something deeper. Here, we’ll explore what often points to unhappiness in marriage—and what it might mean for you.

• You’re always arguing: While it’s normal for healthy couples to argue every now and then, it should not be a regular part of your daily life. Studies show that consistent arguing can have a negative effect on one’s psychological well-being.
• You feel lonely: One of the many benefits of getting married is that you get to be with your best friend every single day. This should not be something that makes you feel lonely. If it does, you are likely in an unhappy marriage.
• Your sex life is non-existent: One of the biggest predictors of an unhappy marriage is an invisible sex life. Of course, raising children, working full-time, or working opposite shifts than your spouse can all get in the way of making love. Studies even show that sexual history has a big impact on marital happiness.

But many find that their sex life will take a hit when there is marital discord. Either you desire to be with your partner and they aren’t giving you the time of day, or you have completely lost interest in being intimate with your spouse.

If it is the latter, it is likely that you no longer feel a deep emotional intimacy in your marriage and a deeper issue is the cause.

• Money is always on your mind: One study reveals that couples in a low-income marriage are more likely to be hurt by mental health issues or other stressful life events than couples from a higher socioeconomic level.
• You don’t like being alone together: When you and your spouse are alone together it doesn’t feel romantic, it just feels awkward. You constantly find yourself inviting other couples over or planning solo outing just so that you can have someone else to talk to.
• You’re talking to someone else: This is a giant red flag of marital unhappiness. If you have kept in touch with an ex or are pursuing a “friendship” with someone you are attracted to, you may be trying to fill your spouse’s shoes with someone new.

Can you survive an unhappy marriage?

If your marriage has turned into a relationship you don’t even recognize, it can be difficult not to feel hopeless – but don’t give up.

So, yes, it’s possible to survive an unhappy marriage, but it comes with challenges. Living through constant discontent can drain you emotionally and impact other parts of your life—health, work, friendships. 

When you face daily marriage problems and solutions seem elusive, you might wonder if staying is worth it. Some manage to adapt, learning to cope with the top unhappy marriage signs like lack of connection, respect, or intimacy. 

But the real question is: do you want to merely survive or find a way to thrive again? Recognizing your true needs is essential in deciding the next steps forward.

How to deal with an unhappy marriage: 10 practical tips 

No matter what issue you are dealing with in your relationship, you cannot fix your marriage overnight. But, there are some steps you can take to start healing today.

1. Have an honest conversation

They say communication is the key to a happy marriage. Your partner can’t read your mind, nor can they try and fix your relationship if you are employing the “silent treatment”. 

Communicate openly and honestly with your spouse about how you are feeling, about the problems in your relationship, and genuinely express to them that you want to be happy with them again.

2. Think as a team

Part of escaping from your unhappy marriage is being willing to make the first move and start from scratch with a clean slate. This means thinking of each other as a team. True partner’s – not enemies.

Part of thinking as a team is showing consideration for your partner. You can do this when making decisions by consulting your spouse about them first. 

Look for ways to be kind to one another each day, and approach arguments as a team by attacking the subject at hand and not each other.

3. Look for ways to connect

One way you can heal your relationship is by spending more time together.

They say husbands and wives should never stop “Dating” – each other, that is! During the dating portion of your relationship, you were constantly getting to know one another. Figuring out your favorite food, pastimes, and hobbies seemed fun and exciting. You were connecting like never before.

Over the years you’ve stopped trying to get to know one another. You’ve stopped “dating”. You rarely plan fun outings, you don’t have romantic dinners, and you’ve definitely stopped talking to each other as friends or even lovers.

If you want to escape your unhappy marriage you need to take the initiative to get to know one another again. Act as though you just met. Ask your spouse about their favorite things, their hobbies, dreams, and goals. 

You may be surprised at what you learn and how much you actually like this “new” person.

4. Stop blaming each other

If you have been together for a long time, or have been unhappy for a while now, you likely have some built up anger and resentment toward your spouse. It’s easy at that point to blame your spouse for everything that has gone wrong in your relationship but don’t.

Avoid pointing the finger at your partner. Playing the blame game is a surefire way to put your spouse in defensive-mode instead of giving them an open space to communicate about your issues. 

Instead of focusing on past mistakes, acknowledge that both of you have played a part in the decline of your marriage and it will take both of you to fix it.

5. Focus on the positives

Your spouse isn’t romantic, they’re not interested in your hobbies, or they aren’t much of a talker, but what are some of their positive qualities? Perhaps they are a trustworthy partner, a wonderful provider, or they always know how to make you laugh.

Don’t let negativity overtake what was once a wonderful marriage. Instead, focus on the positives and choose something to be thankful for every day.

6. Invest in self-care and personal growth

Sometimes, focusing inward rather than outward can help answer the question, “how can I save my marriage?” Take time to nurture your own happiness by developing hobbies, setting personal goals, and maintaining friendships. 

By strengthening your emotional foundation, you’ll not only feel more resilient, but you’ll also become a more grounded partner, which could positively influence your relationship. 

For instance, if your spouse notices you pursuing things that bring you joy, they may be inspired to do the same, potentially creating a more fulfilling partnership for both of you.

7. Seek professional help together

Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool in helping you and your spouse understand each other better. A therapist provides an impartial perspective and teaches valuable communication skills that can foster a more positive environment. 

Think of it as having a guide while you work to overcome your differences. Counseling might even introduce strategies that can show you how to be happy in an unhappy marriage by reframing your approach to conflict.

8. Set boundaries and respect each other’s space

In an unhappy marriage, spending time apart can often bring clarity. Setting healthy boundaries allows both partners to feel respected and gives each of you time to cool off when emotions run high. 

For example, if arguments become too intense, agree on a “time-out” to avoid saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment. This pause can help maintain mutual respect and might prevent small issues from escalating.

9. Rediscover the fun side of your relationship

Over time, many couples lose the playfulness that once made their relationship enjoyable. Try to bring back a sense of fun by doing something unexpected together. Plan a surprise date or take up a hobby you both enjoy but never tried before. 

This may reignite that spark and remind you both of why you connected in the first place. Rekindling laughter and shared experiences can breathe new life into your marriage, shifting the focus away from current issues.

10. Focus on small wins each day

Lasting change in a marriage takes time, so start with small gestures that show your commitment to improvement. Even simple acts, like leaving a kind note, making their favorite meal, or thanking them for something small, can make a big difference. 

Celebrating these little wins helps build a foundation of goodwill and reinforces a positive environment. By focusing on incremental progress, you may find it easier to build a happier relationship, even when facing challenges.

Additionally, here’s a thoughtful video on building a happier marriage. Have a look:

When to pick between saving the marriage and saving yourself

Sometimes, the toughest part of an unhappy marriage is understanding where the line lies between saving the relationship and saving yourself. When the challenges feel constant and overwhelming, it’s essential to ask: is the energy spent on repairing things also allowing you to grow as an individual? 

In some cases, focusing only on “saving the marriage” can make you lose sight of your well-being, self-respect, and happiness. Realizing the difference between holding on and letting go can be a liberating moment that encourages healing—either as a couple or as individuals.

Choosing between staying and leaving isn’t easy, but it’s a decision that deserves serious reflection. If saving the marriage comes at the cost of your mental health or self-worth, it may be time to rethink your path. 

It’s about finding a balance: a healthy relationship should nurture you, not leave you feeling drained. So, when you weigh the options, consider the impact on your emotional, physical, and psychological well-being.

Consider these questions and self answer them:

1. Do I feel secure, valued, and heard in this marriage?
2. Can I imagine a future together that truly makes me feel fulfilled?
3. Am I staying because I’m afraid of being alone or because I genuinely see potential for happiness?
4. Have I lost my sense of self or self-respect by trying to make this work?
5. Are my partner and I both equally committed to improving our relationship?
6. Do I feel more joy or more stress on most days because of this relationship?

Choosing your path

At the heart of any decision to stay or leave lies the courage to be honest with yourself. Whether you’re leaning toward working things out or walking away, remember that this choice is a step toward something new—an opportunity for growth, fulfillment, and inner peace. 

Trust that there’s a way forward, even if you can’t see it clearly yet. While no path guarantees instant happiness, each one offers a fresh start, a chance to redefine what love and partnership mean for you. 

Embrace the unknown with confidence, knowing that prioritizing your well-being will ultimately lead to a more genuine, joyful life. This is your journey, and whichever direction you choose, make it one that allows you to flourish. Trust yourself—you have what it takes to make the right call.