If you’re asking yourself: “Am I ready to date again?”, you should know that this question usually emerges when you’re halfway ready to hit the dating scene again. The fact that you’re considering to date after your divorce means that you’ve managed to get through the most devastating phases of the recovery and you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, it also means that you feel that you’re not entirely ready, or there are some issues you still need to work on to achieve a healthy relationship.
Recovering after the divorce
People get divorced for too many reasons to allow for a piece of cookie-cutter advice on how to recover and when to date again. How quickly and how effectively you’ll recover from the breakup will depend gravely on why and how your marriage ended in the first place.
In essence, how quickly you’ll get back on the dating scene is associated with how prepared you were for the divorce.
For example, did you get a divorce as a result of being hurt after finding out about an affair? Or you were fed up with years of unhealthy relationship.
How prepared you were for what was about to come will also have a significant influence on how well you recover from the blow of separation.
Also, divorcees who were thinking about other people (some specific people or new partners in general) before the divorce are more prepared to date soon after the divorce is finalized.
All this and numerous other factors can and do influence your future relationship, be it a passing fling or another serious commitment. The most important thing is not to allow the recovery and the new relationships to get all mixed up.
In other words, you truly need to get over your ex before you move on to someone new. Otherwise, you’re risking to burden new love with old issues.
Let’s see how to ensure this doesn’t happen.
Explore your readiness using psychology
Ideally, one would seek professional psychological advice for most, if not all, life troubles. Unfortunately, many people still feel reluctant to ask for a therapist’s help due to persevering prejudice revolving around psychotherapy.
However, therapy is the ideal way to explore both immediate problems and deeply buried issues that affect your love life.
It will help you understand your past relationships and prepare you for new ones.
Yet, if you still don’t feel up to it, you can always seek advice from informed sources and online experts. You can start by reading this article that discusses psychologically-based questions everyone should ask themselves before they venture on to Saturday night’s dating. Explore thoroughly your readiness by responding to those four fundamental questions before you move on with the actual dates.
Moreover, you can also take this quick quiz to determine where you lie when it comes to readiness to rediscover love. Whichever path you choose, it’s essential that you’re as honest as humanly possible, because you owe it to yourself and your potential new partner to understand exactly your needs and your intentions.
So, let’s make a sort of a checklist that you can use to decide where your heart lies. And remember, the most important thing after a failed marriage is to get into new relationships with a clear idea of what you need and want. And to be honest about it with your new partner as they might not come from the same place as you.
- You resolved emotional issues with your ex
- You finalized your separation legally and technically
- You’ve spent some time on your own
- You learned new things about yourself during the marriage and the divorce
- You don’t have any emotional disturbances following the trauma of the divorce
- You feel at ease with the idea of giving your time, your feelings, and your body to someone new
- You’re eager to meet new people and respect how different they are
- You believe in yourself
- You believe in others
- You believe in your future
If you’ve responded positively to the checklist above, then your answer to the question “am I ready to date is probably positive too. You’re probably ready to meet and love someone new. However, if you, at any point, feel that you’re not entirely comfortable with any aspect of your new dating life, it’s perfectly fine to get back to some more soul-searching. Dating is hard for everyone, and especially for those wounded by the burden of a failed relationship that was intended to last a lifetime. So, take your time, and always take care of yourself.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.