Importance of Sex in Marriage – Expert Advice

By Kelli H

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

25.8k Reads Updated: 27 May, 2020

Is sex important in married life? Is sex important in a relationshipHow important is sex in a marriage? How important is sex in a relationship? How important is intimacy in a happy marriage?

These age-old quandaries are still controversial. In my attempt to answer it, I will break it down into its fundamental parts, asking this:

In what ways does sexual intimacy contribute to a happy marriage?

While each person probably has a unique answer to this, I think of intimacy as both an accessory and a necessity to marriage.

What I mean by this can be described in a simple metaphor:  Would most people, who like cupcakes, prefer a cupcake with icing or without icing? Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?

And, while the icing is only one part of the cupcake, it is a very important part.  Some would even argue that the cupcake is not a cupcake without the icing. This is the importance of sex in married life.

Having said that, there are all kinds of marriages, some with minimal or no sexual intimacy. This is not to say that marriage is not a marriage without sex.

But the absence of sex, especially in the years of youth can cause frustration in one or both partners and a feeling of emptiness. Importance of sex in marriage, in no way, can it be overemphasized, but a marriage can be sustained without sex.

Sex is important & necessary

Sex and marriage go hand in hand. If you can buy this argument, you can most likely understand why is sex so important in a marriage. Given that, not much is said about the importance of sex in a happy marriage.  

All I know is that intimacy enhances long-term relationships. Sex does not have to happen with any specific measure of frequency or abundance necessarily; but the more it happens, the more it enhances a relationship, and the better you both feel.

By this logic, it would stand to reason that a complete lack of physical intimacy would be detracting from the relationship – just as a lack of icing detracts from a cupcake.

If you’re not sure about this, I would suggest adding some sexual intimacy into your relationship (more than one go-round), create romance, and take stock of whether doing this enhances, detracts, or does nothing for you as a couple.

We do know that a healthy sex in marriage is one of the most commonly cited traits among happy couples when asked how they make it work.  These couples have managed to maintain intimacy for years, still enjoying their bond and maintaining the fondness they have for one another.

Another reason why sex is important in a marriage is that it has been shown that intimate activity causes the release of powerful endorphins that flow through reward pathways in the brain, inducing euphoria and the feelings of love.

Couples who exercise good sex in marriage also gain the added benefit of aerobic workout; which is the best type of workout for weight loss – not to mention a great investment in your health.

Body and mind are both affected by this powerful release. If you want to know more about this aspect of intimacy, reading a book by Olivia St. John, or picking up a copy of the Kama Sutra, or any other manual that uses the term “tantric” in its description.

Importance of sex in marriage

How important is sex in marriage?

Importance of sex in a relationship is very comprehensive. Sex has some anti-aging benefits associated with it, having sex releases anti-inflammatory molecules in our body, which aids the repair work in our bodies.

Our bodies continuously experience damage and repair. Boosting the repair process can slow down the aging process and in turn, make us look youthful for longer.

Apart from improving your mood and increasing happiness, sex is known to work as a stress relief. It also helps to improve an individuals sense of self-worth or self-image.

Just like the psychological benefits, sex has numerous physical benefits. From a stronger immune system, enhanced physical fitness to better digestion and an improved sense of smell. Sex might just be the answer to all your problems.

Sex in a happy marriage is important, and just as important is open communication. Communication that offers a compromise, discusses the desired frequency of sex, likes, dislikes, and preferences, are discussions that can improve things that otherwise would stay unchanged for years.

Sex in married life is important, and if there are problems prevalent in your sex life, proper communication can help. Importance of sex in happy marriage cannot be marginalized, through communication, the roadblocks to healthy sex life can be overcome. 

A word to the wise

Finally, the question still prevails- is sex important in a marriage? Sex for a happy married life is important, if not necessary. If there are problems in your relationship, they may manifest in your sex life.

Some couples’ marital issues start in the bedroom, even though they may have little to do with their married sex life. Importance of intimacy in marriage cannot be overemphasized. Having problems in sex life further increases problems in relationships. It is like a vicious cycle. 

Bear in mind that if there are sudden changes in intimacy, it may be a sign that it’s time to schedule a therapist. You and your partner may have un-processed, un-divulged issues to deal with. Resolving whatever it maybe is of utmost importance for a happy married life.

Don’t be shy in asking for help, preferably some professional help. Be it marriage counseling or intimacy counseling, you are bound to learn new things about your relationship which in time would help you build a stronger marriage.

Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?

If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

Take Course

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Kelli Hastings is a writer, social worker, and proud advocate for women. She earned her B.A. degree from the University of Oregon in 2007, and worked as a behavior support specialist and program manager. She is inspired to support couples, teach them skills that lead to healthy, happy and romantic partnerships. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, visualization practice, and related therapies.