There was a time when strict parenting was the norm, and every child had to abide by the rules of the household set by the parents. Such parenting raised the greatest generation and the rebellious, but financially successful boomers. Today, it is widely frowned upon by modern parents.
Why? It simply doesn’t work. Authoritarian parents raise children with lower self-esteem and a rebellious attitude. An article by Aha Parenting points out several reasons why strict parenting is flawed -or is it?
1. It deprives kids of the opportunity to internalize self-discipline and responsibility
They claim that authoritarian parents prevent children from learning self-discipline because children only behave in fear of punishment.
It talks about emphatic limits and other new age terms that claim children will just automatically do what’s right all the time because loving parents explained to them about limits.
As an adult, if you don’t behave, you still get punished. There is no age limit where you are actually free to do to what you want in this world. It is impossible to learn any sort of discipline self or otherwise(is there any other kind?) without consequences. If it is, society wouldn’t need Law Enforcement.
Someone is missing the point.
2. Authoritarian Parenting is based on fear, it teaches kids to bully
The article claims that because the parental role model uses force to enforce rules. It teaches children to use force to get what they want.
It also teaches them that there are always stronger forces like the Marines and the FBI if they do. It’s the same point and still missed it.
3. Kids raised with punitive discipline have tendencies towards anger and depression
It claims that because a part of them is CLEARLY not acceptable to the parents, and strict parents aren’t there to help them cope with it, their defense mechanism activates and makes them go insane.
Ok, This statement creates a wild assumption that strict parents do not explain why there’s a punishment in the first place. It also assumes that parents do not help their children “fix the unacceptable part of them.” It also logically also assumes that parents SHOULD accept every sort of behavior.
That’s a lot of fallacious assumptions.
4. Kids raised by strict parents learn that power is always right.
In this part, the author accepts that strict parents teach kids to obey, it also admits that they actually learn it. Then it goes on to say that because kids of strict parents are obedient, they grow up as sheeple and never question authority when they should. They would not develop any leadership qualities and dodge responsibility because they only know how to follow orders.
So after admitting that strict parenting works, it goes to claim that children of strict parents are mindless fools. I’m assuming this is another assumption because there is no study to back this up.
5. Kids raised with harsh discipline tend to be more rebellious
It claims that there are studies showing that an authoritarian household raises rebellious kids and uses adults under authoritarian regime promotes insurrection as proof.
After claiming in the previous section that kids of strict parents are obedient mindless fools that never questions authority, it then turns around and says, the opposite actually happens. Which is it?
6. Kids raised strictly to only “do right” and when they do, they get into more trouble and turn into excellent liars.
There is no explanation, proof, or any sort of elaboration in this claim. It was just stated as if it was a universal fact.
So it’s saying that doing right gets people in trouble and it’s also right to lie. None of it makes any sense.
7. It undermines the parent-child relationship
It explains that because strict parents use a violent method of some sort to punish misbehaving children. The physical acts foster hate and eventually, the kids grow up with animosity towards their parents instead of love.
Ok, again there are a lot of assumptions here. One, it assumes that strict parents do not show any love to their children in between those times when they are not in the cycle of misbehavior-punishment.
It also assumes that children grow up remembering only those sleepless nights in the torture chamber being electrocuted for hours on end.
Lastly, it assumes that letting children do what they want and not punished for it is a sign of love. It never considered that maybe, just maybe, some children might interpret that as a sign of “don’t fucking care what I do anyway.” just introducing the possibility that it could happen.
It concludes that the application of punishment destroys every positive effort a parent does for the child and reiterates that they never learn self-discipline.
The article said that because children of authoritative parents have lower self-esteem. It follows that children of permissive parents are self-entitled brats have higher self esteem. It’s better for the child in the long run because adults with high self-esteem are not rebellious in any shape or form. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the conclusion. Let’s not even touch the subject of low-self esteem obedient, but rebellious kids.
It then creates a solution of “empathic limits” by stopping your child from doing wrong by setting limits, but never punishing them for crossing it. It claims to teach children self-discipline because otherwise, you have to micromanage everything they do.
Children will develop a sense of limits imposed by parents if you “empathically” tell them what is right and what is wrong. If in the off chance they are in the act of doing something wrong, it is the parent’s responsibility to (forcefully) prevent the child and hopefully, the child becomes responsible enough not to repeat it when you’re not looking.
This method, the author claims, will instill the lesson that there are some lines children shouldn’t cross because mommy will have to do something (but not punishment, just a sugarcoated version of it) until they learn never to repeat the same mistake.
It is not punishment, because children naturally want to follow their parents. So by “empathically” stopping them from acting on their impulses, The parents are simply “guiding” them to the right path. In a non-authoritative, but the empathic manner, of course.