9 Signs You’re in Love With an Overt Narcissist & Ways to Cope

It can feel magical at first—someone so confident, charming, and full of energy walks into your life, and suddenly, you are swept up in their world. They say all the right things, make bold declarations, and seem to adore you like no one else has.

But then, something shifts… You start questioning your worth, doubting your memory, or wondering why their love feels so conditional. You feel drained but still hopeful—maybe if you try harder, things will go back to the way they were.

If that sounds familiar, you might be tangled up with an overt narcissist. They do not always look like the villains people warn us about; sometimes, they are the life of the party, the romantic ideal—until you start to lose yourself in the process.

What is an overt narcissist in a relationship?

An overt narcissist in a relationship can seem larger than life—outgoing, magnetic, and full of confidence. At first, they might come across as deeply loving or even “too good to be true.”

And in many ways, that is part of the charm; they thrive on admiration, attention, and being seen as special. But over time, the cracks begin to show. Their need to be right, to win, to be the center of everything—it can slowly push your needs aside.

They may not hide their ego; in fact, it is often on full display. And somehow, you end up feeling small in a relationship that once felt so big.

9 signs you’re in love with an overt narcissist & ways to cope

Falling in love with someone who shines in every room, speaks confidently, and makes you feel like the center of their world can be intoxicating. But when that charm is layered over manipulation, entitlement, and a deep need for control, the relationship can turn confusing—fast.

If you have been feeling lost, unsure, or emotionally worn down, you might be loving someone who fits overt narcissist traits. Let us look at 9 signs that can help you see things more clearly.

1. They always need to be the center of attention

An overt narcissist thrives on being the most noticed and admired person in any room. They often find ways to dominate the space through storytelling, humor, or bold opinions.

Conversations tend to revolve around their accomplishments, struggles, or plans, and they may interrupt or ignore what others are saying.

• How can it affect you?

You may start to feel small or irrelevant as if your presence exists only to reflect their importance. Over time, this can affect your self-esteem and make you hesitant to share or speak up.

You might begin to silence yourself in social settings, questioning if your stories or feelings have value.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Gently call attention to moments when you feel talked over
• Find safe spaces to express your thoughts freely
• Remind yourself that your voice matters, even if they do not validate it

2. They crave constant validation

They are constantly fishing for praise—sometimes directly, sometimes subtly. They want to be told they look good, made the best decision, or handled things better than anyone else could.

This need can become exhausting because it is rarely satisfied; no matter how much you give, they always want more. If you ever hesitate to compliment them or offer a different opinion, they may react with irritation or emotional distance.

• How can it affect you?

You may feel like you are giving everything and receiving very little in return.

Their emotional well-being becomes your responsibility, which can feel like a full-time job. Over time, your own need for care and recognition gets pushed aside, leaving you feeling depleted and unseen.

Here are ways to cope:

• Limit how often you provide validation when it feels forced
• Notice when their needs overshadow yours
• Practice self-care when you feel emotionally overextended

3. They cannot handle criticism—no matter how kind

Even when you bring things up gently, they may become defensive, angry, or cold. A minor concern may turn into a dramatic reaction, or they may twist the conversation to make you the problem.

Their self-image is so inflated that any critique—no matter how constructive—feels like an attack. You may find yourself carefully choosing your words or avoiding honesty just to keep the peace.

• How can it affect you?

You may start suppressing your feelings and becoming anxious about speaking your truth.

This can lead to resentment, loneliness, or even fear of expressing basic needs. It becomes easier to stay silent than to risk their reaction, which damages emotional safety and trust.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Use “I” statements when giving feedback
• Notice when you are filtering yourself too much
• Seek support from someone who can validate your reality

4. They flip the script to make you the problem

No matter the issue, the blame somehow lands on you. If you are hurt, you are being “too sensitive.” If they lash out, it is because “you made them do it.”

This constant deflection keeps the focus off of them and places you in a cycle of proving your intentions or defending your character.

Over time, their version of events can become so convincing that you start to second-guess yourself. It feels like you are always wrong, no matter what you say or do.

• How can it affect you?

This emotional twisting can leave you confused and full of self-doubt. You might begin apologizing constantly, even when you did nothing wrong.

Eventually, your sense of reality can blur, and you may feel like you are losing touch with your intuition.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Keep a journal to track what actually happened
• Set firm boundaries around emotional conversations
• Lean on trusted friends who help you stay grounded

5. They make grand romantic gestures… then withdraw

In the beginning, everything feels intense and passionate—lavish compliments, deep conversations, sudden gifts. But once you are emotionally invested, the warmth starts to disappear. They may grow distant, become cold, or even punish you for perceived slights.

This cycle of giving and withholding affection can leave you feeling addicted to the highs and desperate to avoid the lows. It is like chasing a version of them that only shows up when they want something.

• How can it affect you?

You might begin to question whether their love was ever real or if you did something to “ruin it.”

The inconsistency can create emotional instability, where you blame yourself for their distance and overextend to bring back the affection. This can lead to anxiety, people-pleasing, and a deep fear of abandonment.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Remind yourself that love should feel steady, not chaotic
• Track patterns in their behavior to break the cycle
• Avoid over-personalizing their withdrawal

6. They lack real empathy

They may go through the motions of caring—saying the right words, nodding at the right time—but it often feels hollow. When you are hurting, they might quickly change the subject or offer surface-level sympathy without emotional connection.

They struggle to hold space for your pain unless it affects them directly. Over time, you learn to keep your emotions to yourself because vulnerability feels unsafe or unimportant.

• How can it affect you?

You may feel emotionally starved, as though your inner world does not matter. This can lead to isolation, where you hide your pain even from people who do care.

You may stop reaching out altogether, convinced no one can truly understand.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Accept that their emotional range may be limited
• Find other outlets where you can receive empathy
• Name your emotions even if they cannot hold space for them

7. They see relationships as a performance

To the outside world, they present your relationship as perfect—affectionate posts, ideal photos, curated moments. But behind closed doors, things feel very different. Their focus is often on how things look, not how they feel.

If you bring up problems, they may say, “We looked so happy last weekend!” as if appearances erase real struggles. The pressure to maintain this illusion can be exhausting.

• How can it affect you?

You may feel silenced by the need to “keep up the act,” even when you are hurting. This disconnect between public perception and private experience can leave you feeling lonely and emotionally misrepresented.

It may also discourage you from seeking help because others only see the polished version.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Speak privately about how public image affects you
• Choose not to perform when it feels inauthentic
• Prioritize emotional intimacy over outward appearances

8. They expect you to meet their every need

You become their emotional support system, organizer, encourager, and crisis manager—while your needs are often dismissed or ignored. They may react with annoyance if you ask for something in return or accuse you of being “too much.”

Over time, the balance of giving and receiving disappears, and the relationship becomes all about them. If you stop meeting their demands, they may guilt-trip or punish you emotionally.

• How can it affect you?

You might feel like you are constantly failing or falling short, no matter how much effort you put in.

This can lead to emotional burnout, self-neglect, and a loss of identity as you become consumed with keeping them happy.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Communicate clearly about what you need
• Let go of the pressure to fix or rescue them
• Protect your energy by saying no when needed

9. They make you doubt your instincts

They may lie, twist facts, or deny things they clearly said—causing you to question your memory and judgment. Over time, you start to doubt yourself in small and big ways.

You become unsure of what is real, often turning to them for clarity, only to be confused further. This type of gaslighting can leave you feeling mentally foggy and emotionally fragile.

• How can it affect you?

You may lose confidence in your own thoughts, feelings, and decisions. This self-doubt can make you overly dependent on their opinions, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.

Eventually, your inner voice grows quieter as theirs becomes the one you trust more—even when it hurts you.

Here are some ways to cope:

• Write things down to hold on to your truth
• Remind yourself that your feelings are valid
• Seek therapy or support to rebuild self-trust

Watch this TED Talk where David Vobora explains why trusting your gut is so important:

What makes overt narcissistic love so hard to leave?

It is hard to walk away from someone who once made you feel like the most cherished person in the world. Overt narcissistic love often begins with intensity—grand gestures, deep eye contact, words that feel like poetry… and for a while, it feels magical.

But over time, that warmth fades, replaced by confusion and self-doubt. You may find yourself clinging to the early version of them, hoping it will return.

• “What if they change?”
• “Maybe I overreacted…”
• You remember the highs more than the lows
• They may guilt-trip or flatter you just when you pull away
• You fear starting over or feeling alone

And sometimes, loving them meant losing parts of yourself—so letting go feels like losing even more.

To sum up

Loving someone with overt narcissist traits can leave you feeling torn—part of you remembers the charm, the passion, the moments that felt so real… while another part quietly aches from all the confusion. It is not weak to feel stuck; it is human.

You gave your heart, your energy, your trust. But you also deserve consistency, respect, and peace. Whatever step you are ready for—whether it is setting a small boundary or simply admitting it hurts—it matters.

Healing may not happen all at once, but it begins the moment you start listening to yourself again. You are not alone in this.