Thinking about how to survive your marriage with a spouse who has Asperger syndrome? Want to live a healthy and happy marriage?
Before starting, remind yourself that in a happy marriage, partners can only control their own behavior and change their own self, not their partner’s.
Asperger syndrome is a developmental disorder characterized by difficulties in social interaction and non-verbal communication accompanied by restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.
Asperger syndrome affecting marriage
Asperger’s marriage refers to the marriage of Aspies, i.e., people having symptoms of Asperger syndrome (AS).
Either both persons or one of them is an Aspie. Mostly it is said that Asperger’s marriage would end up leaving the couple devastated. But that’s not true; not always does Asperger’s marriage end up in divorce, but it is possible to overcome the frustrating conditions occurring in marital life.
Difficulties due to Asperger syndrome
People with Asperger’s face many difficulties in life. Some include;
- Difficulty in social interaction & communication
- Restricted and repetitive pattern of behavior or activities
- Difficulty in emotional interactions
- May have trouble making eye contact
- Say or do something unintentionally that would hurt people
- Difficulty in understanding gestures, facial expressions or body language
- May not understand others feelings
- Sexual problems
Solutions to difficulties
The difficulties can affect the marital relationship directly. These difficulties mentioned above can be removed by taking appropriate steps.
Following are some basic things you need to follow in order to save your relationship with Asperger’s.
Listen to your spouse
Always listen to your spouse who has Asperger syndrome. They just want you to listen to them. So you must listen to whatever they want to say. Be patient and listen to them talk. Try to avoid ugly arguments as much as you can. This will help build a good relationship.
It is said, communication is the first thing to do in order to save a marriage. Communicate with your spouse. Listen to them and ask questions about the things that you don’t understand. Talk to them in a respectful manner. Don’t ask questions in a defensive way and avoid quarrels and arguments.
Always focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Think positive. Act positively. Whatever your spouse says or does is not meant to hurt you. Focus on the positive qualities which are brought to the relationship because of that person. Focusing on negative aspects will only take you away from your spouse.
Pay attention to partner
Pay attention to your spouse’s desires and needs. Try to do things that make your partner feel happy each day. If they like to see you caring for them so much, do care for them each day. Do whatever they like for the whole day. If they like you to help them in doing dishes, help them no matter what.
Accept the differences
Your partner’s routines or whatever they do the whole day is not meant to hurt you. They do this because of the condition they have. If you don’t like their doing, it is fine. You don’t need to like them but try not to take them personally. Accept their differences and understand that they have a different way of taking care.
Your spouse with Asperger’s can appear egotistic or selfish and sometimes uncaring when indeed it is not the same. They are not intended to hurt you. Rather, this is the consequence of not understanding how you feel and what you need. Remembering this will relieve your worries and distress.
Let them feel free
Do not try to control your spouse’s behavior. Asking them to behave correctly or according to you may result in distrust and resentment. This will help a lot in becoming a happy couple.
Follow the above rules to get better results in married life. Understand each other and eliminate negativity from your life.