Aspergers Syndrome was named after an Austrian pediatrician who was posthumously credited for identifying the learning development syndrome. Other controversies aside, the syndrome is now classified as a variation of Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome
- Problems making eye contact
- Socially Awkward
- Robotic, emotionless disposition
- Passionate about a single subject
- Talks to themselves
- Loves routine and hates change
It may sound like the symptoms are normal quirks for a lot of people, but a person with Aspergers have most, if not, all of the symptoms listed above. Their difficulties are mostly social in nature, but their ability to learn is not as bad as other kinds of autism.
Dating someone with mild aspergers
A person with Asperger’s syndrome develops emotions similar to other people. They also fall in love and desire to be loved. They just have problems expressing it. If you are dating someone with aspergers, there are a few simple rules to follow for a healthy relationship.
1. Describe and say everything you feel
Someone with aspergers are naturally insensitive. Do not assume or hope for anything unless you said it enough times to be a habit.
2. You have to carry the bulk of the conversation
Someone with aspergers will have problems responding, but that doesn’t mean they are not paying attention. If you are able to find a topic that they are passionate about, they will say what they want and repeat major points. Be patient and understanding.
3. Explain your actions
Hugging, kissing, and other flirting exercises are self-explanatory to adults. It is not the case for someone with aspergers. They are unable to follow gestures or read the atmosphere.
Explain everything you do until they understand it. Dating someone with Aspergers is like raising a kid and having an adult relationship at the same time. It is only complicated if you overthink it.
4. Do not take their actions (or lack of it) as a sign
Things that other people would do (or not do) that are potential red flags do not apply when dating someone with Aspergers.
How to dating someone with aspergers
Dating someone with aspergers is mostly a one-way street, mostly. Unlike dating a rock, it’s more like dating your pet cat. They do reciprocate your affections and appreciate all your actions. They just don’t know how to express it. If they try hard enough, they are sometimes able to show it in one way or another.
The issue with aspergers and dating problems is always miscommunication. Someone with aspergers are obsessive-compulsive when it comes to habits and abhors change. Being in a relationship with someone who has Aspergers requires a lot of patience, but once they develop a habit. Everything will work on your favor.
It is a high effort, high rewards deal.
People with aspergers are not mentally retarded, they know and appreciate everything you have done for them, and the best part is they will never forget it. They will remain loyal and follow the habits you instructed them forever. And because they detest change, they show their emotions, the way you “trained” them for as long as the relationship lasts.
Do not misunderstand the “training” involved when dating someone with aspergers. They are individuals with their own free will. They know the difference between love and hate. They are perfectly normal people in the inside, the problem is in their ability to express their feelings. It’s no different from someone who is deaf-mute.
The Do’s and Don’t when Dating someone with Aspergers
This list only applies to the person who is not affected by the syndrome. You have to carry the relationship on your shoulders. The person with aspergers is going to try their best to reciprocate your feelings and follow your instructions, if you do anything misleading, it could destroy everything you worked for.
1. Describe all your actions and gestures
Every little thing about you is being observed. It is a monkey see, monkey do exercise except slower than a monkey, and almost like an infant. Aspergers love routines and habits, so make sure they correlate the appropriate habit-action to the emotion they want to convey.
2. Do not take offense in what they do
Remember how funny it was when infants and toddlers give you the finger. It is the same story with dating someone with aspergers. Until they learn how to say and do things that you would understand perfectly, do not put meaning in anything. Use your words, they will do what they can to explain it.
3. Be patient
Even if you’re a kindergarten teacher, getting at the same wavelength with an a person with aspergers takes a lot of perseverance, composure, and diligence. Don’t worry, on the good side, once they learn how to properly communicate with you, they will stay loyal to it.
1. Do not joke around
They understand humor and comedy, but they do not know if you are doing it or not. Remember, they are trying to learn how to communicate with you, doing something opposite of how you want them articulate with a joke is confusing and complicates the issue.
2. Do not lose your temper
Shouting and other displays of losing your temer may not look like it bothers an dating someone with aspergers, but it does. It hurts them the same way it troubles other people when you throw expletives at them. They just don’t react to them, and it makes most people angrier. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Dating someone with Aspergers is drastically different than a normal relationship, but we do not choose who we fall in love and there are times when life puts us in funny situations such as falling for an Aspie.
If something like that happened to you, don’t worry, Aspies are perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship. It is up to you, the normal person to make the plays.