17+ Examples of Narcissist’s Text Messages & How to Respond

Have you ever been on the receiving end of confusing, manipulative texts that leave you feeling off-balance or second-guessing yourself?

Narcissists often use text messages as a tool to control and manipulate, making communication feel like a never-ending game. They may send messages that seem caring one moment and then cold the next, leaving you wondering what’s really going on.

These examples of a narcissist’s text messages might sound familiar—they’re often filled with mixed signals, guilt trips, and blame. It’s not easy to deal with someone who twists words and plays with your emotions, especially when it’s all happening through your phone.

Understanding the tactics behind these texts can be a crucial step toward maintaining your own peace and clarity. Remember, it’s not about you… it’s about them.

What are some text habits of a narcissist?

You might not win with narcissists, but you can refuse to be disrespected. You’ll know when that’s the case because examples of narcissist’s text messages reveal them for who they are. There’s no running away from words once they’re sent.

As psychologist Nina Brown explains in her book Children of the Self-Absorbed, narcissists are “Immature, unrealistic, and completely self-serving.” Sadly, narcissism is often passed through families as a defense mechanism against trauma. So, narcissist texting habits revolve around them as the central topic.

Narcissists need your love and attention to make them feel important. Without this, they either get angry or charming to bring you back. So, relationship texts from a narcissist may often flip between being overtly amorous and nonexistent. 

As they are incredibly self-absorbed, narcissists have no empathy for your feelings. This makes them seem arrogant and demanding or simply cold and distant. As you can imagine, this comes through examples in narcissist text messages. 

The impact on you is both damaging and disheartening. Even worse, they make it sound like it’s your fault, meaning that their narcissistic texting style leaves you doubting and even hating yourself. 

It’s worth noting that narcissism exists on a scale, and a healthy amount of narcissism gets us out of bed. After all, we need to believe in ourselves to get through, for example, job interviews or a difficult exam. 

19 examples of narcissist’s text messages 

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Dealing with text messages from a narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining. They often use words as weapons, twisting the conversation to serve their own needs or manipulate your feelings. 

Here are 19 examples of narcissists’ text messages that showcase their tactics, revealing the subtle ways they control and confuse.

1. The “me, me, me” message

The narcissist texting style is such that it’s all about them. In this case, examples of narcissistic text messages could be “Call me now,” “I’m amazing because I bought the groceries,” and “Why aren’t you calling me – did I do something wrong? Don’t you love me?”.

2. Bombardment 

Narcissist texts come in different formats. A typical example is when they need you right now. They’ll then send you a flurry of texts saying precisely the same thing. They might even call you 15 times in a row without appreciating that perhaps you’re busy. 

Examples, in this case, could be “Can you call me now please?”, “I need to talk to you,” “What’s wrong with your phone,” “Call me now,” and so on. 

3. Love bombing 

Other examples of narcissist’s text messages can be charming if a little over the top. It’s fantastic when someone calls you amazing and beautiful and says they can’t live without you.

Generally, people who can’t live without someone else have deep self-esteem and self-validation issues.

4. Drama 

Narcissists love drama because it makes them the center of attention. They might call you in the middle of the night for some crisis, for instance. However, the most typical narcissistic response to crises is to play the victim.

In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist’s text messages such as “I’m in the hospital, but I’m okay now,” “I can’t feel my arm, but I don’t think I should worry, should I?”, “I’ve had some bad news, but there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

5. Demands 

Remember that narcissists need the world to revolve around them. Sadly, this means that narcissist texts can be both arrogant and demanding.

Examples of narcissistic text messages that demand things from you could be, “I need $300 now, but I promise I’ll pay you back”, “Pick me up from the airport tomorrow,” and so on. 

As you can guess, you’ll never see the money again, and they will probably not pick you up at the airport in return. 

6. The word salad narcissist 

A “narcissist word salad” is both confusing and often a distorted view of reality. This is different from how psychologists use the term. 

Nevertheless, you can expect examples of narcissist’s text messages to go along the lines of, “You’re too stifling, but I love you, and you need to make more effort to be there for me to get along better.” 

Essentially, the aim is to blame you, and the best way to respond is to stick to the facts or ignore them.  

7. Reeling you in 

Many examples of narcissist’s text messages are meant to charm you into their inner circle. They love keeping you on tenterhooks. 

You can expect messages like “You’ll never guess what just happened” or “I can’t wait to tell you what I just bought.” In isolation, these might look harmless, but when you add them to all the other examples, they could be to reel you in. 

8. Messages to enrage 

A narcissist’s text sometimes tries to spark your emotions, whether good or bad. They might send you a controversial statement about politics, for instance. 

When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text that’s designed to start a debate, they might fly into a rage. You’re only adding fuel to the fire if you’re also angry. Instead, it’s best to ignore them or tell them you can talk later. 

9. Leave you hanging for days 

Emotional abuse from narcissist text messages will play on your mind. With time, you’ll feel like everything is your fault. They make you believe you caused their misery. 

In this case, examples of narcissist’s text messages could swing from hot to cold. One minute, they’re all about love and charm. Next, they go off the grid for days or even weeks. The idea is to get you to come back to them. 

10. Passive-aggressive 

Let’s not forget the covert narcissist text messages. These are more subtle but equally damaging. They still want attention but get it by acting like wounded animals. 

For instance, they might say, “You don’t love me anymore,” or “It hurts when you ignore me.” Although, you’ve done nothing to ignore or hurt them. 

11. Putting you down

Texts from a narcissist often shame and belittle you. They might criticize your clothes or even your friends. This can go as far as threatening and insulting you. 

In this case, examples of narcissist’s text messages are about coming to your rescue. Basically, “You don’t know how to manage your life, so you need me.”  

12. Gaslighting 

The emotional abuse of narcissist text messages, such as gaslighting, can drive you mad. That happened to the wife in the original film Gas Light, released in 1938. 

Of course, not everyone will go to those extremes. Nevertheless, typical narcissistic responses when you don’t do what they want often involve gaslighting. That’s when they distort the truth and tell lies so that you look bad.

13. Showing off 

Have you received messages that tell you how amazing they are? 

Perhaps something like, “I showed Tom I was right in that conversation last night.” Alternatively, they boast about their car, house, or other material things.

When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text showing off, you might first get repetition followed by anger. They need you to adore them, and they need instant gratification. 

14. Caps lock overload 

There’s no need to use multiple caps lock. No one likes to receive messages such as “CALL ME NOW” or “I’M FED UP.”

Again, it’s a cry for attention and the need to be the most important person in the world. 

15. Intermittent ghosting 

Narcissist text games sometimes include ghosting you. They may block and cut you off on social media for no apparent reason. Then, weeks later, they might reconnect and love-bomb you. 

You might then see narcissist text messages such as “I’ve had some time to myself, and I now know I love you and need you. You’re the most amazing and beautiful person in this world.”

And to add to the charm, they’ll send you a link to Bruno Mars’ ‘Grenade’ song. Who doesn’t want to hear that someone wants to die for them?

16. Guilt tripping

Narcissists often use guilt to manipulate others. They might send messages like, “You never care about me,” “I always put you first, but you never appreciate it,” or “I’m so hurt that you’re not here for me when I need you.” 

These messages aim to make you feel responsible for their emotions, even when it’s unwarranted.

17. Triangulation 

Triangulation involves bringing a third party into the conversation to provoke jealousy or competition. 

A narcissist might text something like, “John said I’m the most amazing person he’s ever met,” or “Samantha thinks I’m so attractive.” 

This is an attempt to make you feel insecure and vying for their attention.

18. Pity party

Narcissists often play the victim to elicit sympathy and attention. They may send messages like, “I’m feeling so low, but I guess no one really cares,” or “I’m always the one left out and forgotten.” 

These messages are designed to make you feel sorry for them and offer them comfort, even when they’re the ones causing the drama.

19. Blame shifting

In this tactic, narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions by shifting the blame onto you or others. You might receive texts like, “This is all your fault; you made me act this way,” or “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t be upset.” 

By redirecting the blame, they make you question your own actions and feel guilty for their behavior.

What is the “word salad” tactic that narcissists often use?

The “word salad” tactic is a confusing and overwhelming strategy narcissists often use to manipulate or control a conversation. It involves mixing unrelated topics, contradictions, and nonsensical statements, making it hard to follow or respond.

One moment, they might blame you for something that didn’t happen; the next, they could praise you… but only to twist things around again! It’s all designed to leave you feeling off-balance and unsure of what’s happening.

Why do they do this? 

To keep control, of course! When you’re confused, you’re less likely to challenge them or call out their behavior. It’s emotionally exhausting—like trying to make sense of a puzzle that doesn’t have a solution. 

Remember, you’re not at fault for feeling lost in these conversations. It’s okay to step back, take a breath, and focus on your own clarity. 

5 ways to respond to a narcissist’s text

Dealing with a narcissist’s text messages can be overwhelming and emotionally draining. They often twist words, manipulate emotions, and leave you feeling confused or hurt. 

Wondering how to respond to a narcissist text without getting caught up in their games? 

Here are 5 thoughtful ways to manage these challenging conversations and protect your emotional well-being.

1. Set clear boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when texting a narcissist. Let them know what’s acceptable and what isn’t! 

For example, if their messages are hurtful or manipulative, politely but firmly state that you won’t respond to that kind of behavior. Clear boundaries help protect your emotional space and prevent you from getting pulled into their drama.

Keep in mind: Boundaries may be met with resistance, but stay firm. Consistency is key, even if they push back or try to test your limits.

2. Keep responses brief and neutral

When figuring out how to respond to a narcissistic text, it’s often best to keep your replies short and to the point. Don’t give them too much information to twist or use against you.

A simple, calm response like, “I understand,” can go a long way in defusing their attempts to provoke you.

Keep in mind: The less detail you provide, the less material they have to manipulate or use against you. Keep it simple!

3. Avoid emotional engagement

Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions; it fuels their need for control. 

How do narcissists text? 

Often in ways that push your buttons or trigger a strong response.

By staying emotionally detached and not reacting to their provocations, you take away their power. Keep your cool, no matter how tempting it is to argue back.

Keep in mind: Responding with emotion can give them the reaction they’re seeking. Staying calm and neutral can help you maintain control.

4. Use “I” statements

Using “I” statements can help maintain a calm and controlled conversation. 

For example, instead of saying, “You always try to make me feel guilty,” try, “I feel uncomfortable when the conversation goes this way.” It focuses on your feelings rather than attacking them, reducing the chance of further conflict.

Keep in mind: “I” statements are less likely to make the narcissist feel attacked, which can prevent the conversation from escalating into a confrontation.

Watch this video where Dr. Ramani, a clinical psychologist, shares the guide to communicating with narcissists:

5. Know when to disengage

Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. If a conversation with a narcissist isn’t productive or is causing you stress, it’s okay to take a step back.

Let them know you need a break from the conversation or simply stop responding. Protecting your peace of mind is more important than winning a texting war!

Keep in mind: It’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Disengaging doesn’t mean you’ve lost; it means you’re choosing peace over chaos.

What happens when you ignore a narcissist?

When you ignore a narcissist, they may react with frustration or anger because they aren’t getting the attention they seek. You might notice them trying harder to get your attention, using various manipulative tactics.

Sometimes, they respond with the silent treatment or by sulking, attempting to make you feel guilty. Ignoring them disrupts their sense of control, often leading them to escalate their efforts to pull you back into their sphere.

Final thoughts

Receiving narcissistic text messages can be a challenging experience, often leaving individuals feeling hurt, frustrated, or manipulated. 

It’s crucial to remember that dealing with narcissism requires resilience and self-care. Responding to these messages with assertiveness, empathy for yourself, and the knowledge of healthy boundaries is key.

By recognizing the typical patterns of narcissistic messages and using the strategies mentioned earlier, you can protect your emotional well-being and maintain healthier relationships.

Remember that seeking support from friends, family, or professionals is a valuable resource in dealing with narcissistic behavior. 

In the end, prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is paramount when facing these complex interpersonal dynamics.

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Anne’s passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples... Read more transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.   She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you don’t have to do it alone. Read less

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