Is your wedding date approaching fast ? Does that scare you a bit ? Even though you are happy and deeply in love, it is completely normal to feel anxious in this situation.
You would like to do everything you can to prepare yourself for marriage because you want it to last. In the chaos of wedding planning, you don’t have enough time or money to attend premarital counseling. And all that’s ok.
Luckily there is plenty of legit advice on how to make yourself as ready as possible for this new phase of your life, and we will highlight a few here.
Marriage preparation essentials
Few aspects of marriage need to be discussed and exercised before the actual wedding. See if any of these are weak spots in your relationship and pay extra attention to them.
Communicate and resolve conflicts
Good communication and ability to solve interpersonal issues constructively forms a solid base of any long-term relationship. You have to be able to talk to your partner about anything, show compassion, compromise and forgiveness.
Communication skills can be developed by engaging in a five-minutes conversation about your relationship everyday. Focus on feelings and talk about following themes:
What aspect of your relationships did you enjoy the most today? What was disappointing regarding your relationship today? How can you help one another overcome those disappointments?
Give sincere compliments to each other every day and stay assertive. This will improve your communication and mutual understanding.
When it comes to conflicts, learn how to take time out. When you notice your fight is escalating and you are getting angry (your breathing speeds up, you start to cry, your fists and jaw are clutching), request a time out by saying something like “I am too angry to talk about this right now. I need an hour to clear my thoughts”.
During the time-out do something relaxing, watch TV, take a shower, go for a run or meditate. Then, recall why did it become so hard to talk to your partner, what were you thinking and feeling. Take a moment to look at the situation from your spouse’s perspective. Remember, you are a team, and you can win only by working together.
Then, find your partner and go back to your conversation. Discuss previous solutions that didn’t work and think about new ones. Choose the solution that suits both of you the best. Lastly, compliment each other for the step you took forward together.
Define new roles
Once you get married, your roles will change. Someone will have to pay the bills, cook, take care of the children and organize friends and family gatherings. If you both prefer to cook instead of taking care of the taxes, you will have a problem.
Sit together and talk about who will be responsible for which duties. Write down five of them for each of you. Choose one week when you will switch your roles. Set specific chores that need to be done for that week. After each day, talk about your experience.
This exercise will help you decide which tasks should be given to whom. At the same time, you will learn to appreciate your partner’s effort much more.
You’ve probably heard that levels of passion and intimacy experienced between married couples slowly decreases over time. This might be worrying and it might scare you. Well, it shouldn’t, because it is up to you if that is going to happen to your marriage.
To stay on the safe side, make sure that you schedule a date with your partner. One evening every week you have to go on a date- make that a rule. Use that time to grow even closer, laugh, be romantic, and enjoy each other’s company.
Another thing that you have to do is have a serious and open conversation about sex. How was sex treated in your family, where did you learn about it? What gets you going? Do you have a problem initiating an intercourse and why? How often do you want to have sex once you get married? Is there something that you don’t like about sex?
Once you know each other’s preferences and expectations, it will be much easier to maintain active and pleasurable sex life in marriage.
Talk about children and parenthood
This is a serious conversation. You have to sit and talk it out. Do you want children? How many and when? What do you expect from each other regarding parenthood? Will you have help from your relatives? How do you want to raise your children? Are your parenting styles compatible? Do you agree on how to discipline your kids?
Many questions need to be addressed. It is good to try having a pet together before you decide to start a family. This will give you a good and less complicated introduction to parenthood.
Focus on important matters
Of course, there are many other topics you should discuss and practice before you get married. However, not all of them are equally important, and you won’t fail if you miss out on few of them. For the start focus on what is essential and build upon that.
Remember to love and respect each other every single day, and you will be fine.
We wish you many happy years together.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.