One thing most couples wish for is that they attain oneness in marriage, at least at some point. There’s a level of synergy which, when you attain it with your partner, your marriage becomes sweet. The good thing is that you can always plan toward becoming one in marriage.
Marriage unity is beautiful. The easiest way to envision the peace and happiness that comes from it is to look at some of the oldest couples you know who seem to have been together forever. Can you think of those couples who, although they have aged, still enjoy the company of their spouses above everything else?
That’s the power of oneness in marriage. When you achieve this state with your spouse, every other thing seems to become a breeze. However, the challenge is that many people do not know what they must do to accomplish this. Thankfully, by the end of this article, you will discover how to create oneness in marriage.
What does oneness in marriage look like
The term “oneness in marriage” comes with many pictorial representations. It is easy to envision two people who cannot seem to get out of each other’s pockets. However, this may not be an accurate representation.
Oneness in marriage happens when married spouses establish deep intimacy and connection within themselves. They trust themselves, believe in their dreams, and dedicate their time and attention to work toward accomplishing the goals and aspirations they have identified.
Oneness in marriage is a concept that is mostly accepted in the Christian faith, as it is believed that for oneness to happen in a marriage, both spouses must establish a deep connection with themselves and God. The clearest way to know if there is unity in a marriage is to look at how both spouses are. You’ll notice a synergy of intentions and actions when there is that union in marriage. Despite their differences, the couple still has a way of returning to the path they defined for themselves.
Oneness in marriage is about fulfilling a God-given purpose.
How to promote oneness in marriage: 5 effective ways
Now that we have discussed what marriage oneness is all about, here are five effective ways to promote oneness in your marriage.
1. Ensure you have similar values
While this doesn’t mean that you’ll automatically like everything your partner likes, having similar values is one way to promote oneness in your marriage. Think of this for one second.
Imagine you’re family-oriented, and your partner can go for years without interacting with their family – because they’re focused on work. One of the challenges you’ll have is ensuring your values meet somewhere in the middle.
While you make plans for a family weekend getaway, they’ll most likely be obsessing over the goals and work plans they have to execute. Even if they agree to tag along, they may not even be able to give their complete attention to the getaway.
And what’s a getaway if your partner cannot give you their full attention for the period?
Your values define you. If you plan to achieve oneness in marriage, please be on the lookout for someone with the same or similar values. Don’t try to be in a relationship with someone who can’t seem to stop lying when you know that you can’t stand liars. You may just run yourself into the ground.
It is easy to allow the children to tag along when you decide to go on a vacation. You’ll often have to catch yourself pulling the laptop out of your suitcase when you are about to leave on a special trip with your spouse. This should not be the case if you want to achieve oneness in marriage.
Your kids aren’t allowed to come along with you. No work tools are allowed as well. No relatives should even dream of coming with you. Also, you can always decide to spend as long as you want.
Your assignment on these trips is to connect with your spouse again. Communication should be the focus of these trips as you teach yourselves how to talk to one another again, listen to yourselves, and even decode what your partner didn’t say (because you have trained yourself to understand their body language).
This is another way to achieve oneness in marriage. There’s the default urge to focus on your goals, ambitions, and the things that matter to you – forgetting that your spouse is a human with their needs and ambitions.
When you focus on making your partner happy (by practicing compromise), you make them open up to you. When they are sure you’ve got their best intentions, they will do all they can to keep your marriage and relationship happy.
If you are with a decent spouse, they’ll be sure to return the favor, which forms the basis for a strong and healthy marriage.
Although we have already discussed the place of values, ensure you aren’t too fixed on what you think you deserve. Compromise is a necessary element for every successful marriage.
This goes beyond the statutory act of asking your spouse how their day went when they returned from work. It also goes beyond belting out a few words when you have to. Intimate communication is one sure way of attaining even spiritual oneness in marriage.
Intimate communication is the process through which you let down your walls and allow your partner access to your deepest feelings – even some of the things you may not be so proud of.
When intimate communication happens, you are no longer afraid of judgment because you know you are speaking to one who is always looking out for you, regardless of what may be going wrong.
One of the reasons many couples do not attain oneness in marriage is that so many secrets keep them apart. When they attempt to connect, they are immediately torn apart by the rifts between them. More often than not, these rifts are caused by ineffective communication.
Your spouse is one person who you shouldn’t be ashamed of letting into your life. When you feel weak, overwhelmed, sad, or angry, you should be able to talk to them.
Then again, investing that level of confidence in them causes them to desire to do the same to you. As a result, you’ll notice that these heart-to-heart sessions usually cause a ripple effect where your partner begins to open up to you all the more.
Beyond giving you the channel to vent your fears and frustrations to your spouse, intimate communication allows you to establish a deep-seated connection with them. This will, in turn, encourage oneness in marriage.
5. Forgive your spouse
A common saying is that “to err is human but to forgive is divine.” One of the places where you’ll need to make this saying your life mantra is in marriage.
Your partner is bound to get on your nerves sometimes. They’ll annoy and irritate you at other times. However, what makes the difference is your willingness to let the past remain in the past.
Forgiveness is important when dealing with humans because we are all wired differently. This is the same with your marriage. If you intend to enjoy a happy marriage marked with oneness with your spouse, you must be willing to forgive them even as they do the same for you.
It is impossible to attain unity in your marriage and family when you keep grudges against your spouse.
Forgiveness can sometimes be easier said than done, especially if they have hurt you in ways you consider deep. However, you can get over their hurt when you commit your time to getting over it. Then again, if you practice spirituality, you may understand that there are some hurts that you can allow your God to heal for you.
Also, practicing mindfulness can help you replace those negative feelings with gratitude. This gratitude then evolves into forgiveness as time passes.
Please remember that you cannot achieve oneness in marriage when you are angry or bitter against your spouse. Take some time to heal.
Attaining oneness in marriage is possible. However, getting to that level with your partner takes a lot of work, patience, discipline, and commitment. If you aren’t ready to make the marriage work (at least for the long term), this may not happen for you.
While choosing a partner to settle with, please ensure that you look out for their values first. When the chips are down, their values will decide whether or not they are the right partner for you. Remember, you become one when you get married, so you must be sure you are getting hitched to the right person.
One thing you should keep in mind is this. When you have finally attained oneness in marriage, you’ll know that it was worth all the work you put into it.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships.When he’s not writing or advising people on how to thrive in their relationships, he loves exploring new places with his partner, working out, and pretending that he’s good at cooking exotic stuff.