Relationships are supposed to be loved-based.
It is the foundation to a healthy and strong relationship. Its absence can shatter a beautiful connection between the two individuals. While we all are aware about it, there are some relationships which are fear-based.
Indeed! In such relationship, fears has replaced love.
Sometimes people are aware about it and have taken a decision by themselves to be in such a relationship, but sometimes they’re not aware that they’re in a fear-based relationship.
Below mentioned are some pointers that will distinguish between love vs fear-based relationship. If you’re in a fear-based relationship it’s better to walk out.
Love-based or fear-based relationship
Before getting into how to identify if you’re in such type of relationship, let’s quickly look what does these two mean.
Love-based emotions are peace, comfort, freedom, connection, openness, passion, respect, understanding, support, confidence, trust, happiness, joy and et al. Whereas, fear-based emotions are insecurities, pain, guilt, jealousy, anger, shame, grief et al.
Which emotion drives your relation defines what kind of relationship you’re in. However apart from these emotions, there are certain other attitudes or behaviors that might help you take a right decision.
Spending excessive time with your partner
It’s quite normal to be with the partner and spend some quality time with them. However, everything has a limit. In a normal relationship, there is always some free space between partners.
When you’re in a relationship driven by fear, you want to be with your partner, all the time. You would find yourself getting obsessed with your partner. You can’t let them disappear from your vision. There is a thin line between the right amount of contact and obsessive contact.
Don’t cross the line.
Sense of fear
The sense of fear comes when we think we will lose someone we love.
It happens either due to having low self esteem and lack of self-worth or we believe that someone else will woo them over. This feeling makes us act out of place.
We end up doing things that can leave an unimaginable dent in our relationship. An individual with a low self-esteem or with the belief that they’re good for their partner will surely have such a feeling.
It’s okay to have a healthy jealousy in a relationship as it keeps the both of you together. However, excess of this jealousy will surely impact your relationship.
A jealous individual would want to control their partner, as much as they can.
They would make accusations and will have unnecessary arguments that will make this a toxic relationship.
If you think you’re moving out of proportion and the healthy jealousy has turned negative, seek someone’s advice. You would not want to end your relationship for this, would you?
In love vs fear relationship, love takes over when you’re settling with your partner. When love is driving your relationship you feel content and at home when you’re with your partner.
You feel happy and satisfied and finally feel like settling with them. You look forward to your future and wish to spend the life with them. However, when fear drives the relationship, you are not sure of settling with your partner.
There is a negative feeling that stops you from moving forward.
Just like healthy jealousy, a healthy argument is needed in a relationship. It speaks about individual choices and how well you both respect that.
The dynamics change if you’re in a fear-driven relationship.
In such a situation, you start arguing on small or irrelevant matters. This happens as you fail to approach your problems with a level-headed mind. The constant fear of losing you partner results in such decision.
There is no place to get irritated with your partner.
You’re in love with them and you accept them the way they’re. When you’re in love-driven relationship, you learn to forget things. You learn to ignore things and focus on good things.
However, in fear-driven relationship, you’re easily irritated by the actions of your partner. You’re not happy with your parent and their actions provoke you to lash out things on them. This surely leads to toxic relationship which eventually ends.
When you know that your partner accepts you the way you’re, there is no question of pretending to be someone else.
You’re comfortable in your own skin and feel free. You are positive about the love and are happy with it. In love vs fear relationship, when the latter drives the situation; you believe that behaving a certain way is the solution to keep the relationship going.
You start behaving or pretending to be someone you’re not. You fear that by being you, you would lose your partner. However, this pretentious bubble bursts eventually and things go out of control.
How much do you actually think about your relationship?
When you’re satisfied and positive with what you have, you plan your future and think about all the good things you would do with your partner.
The situation is different in the other scenario. In a fear driven relationship, you are constantly thinking about your relationship. You fear that your partner will leave you for someone else, you start spying on them and do all the things that you shouldn’t be doing.
Over thinking plays a major role in this. If you’re the one over think about things a lot, then get the hint.