If you still believe that it’s mostly men who cheat, you are right to some extent, but reality is that nowadays infidelity among women is pretty rampant too. In fact, research has shown that approximately 14% of married women cheat on their husbands while the corresponding statistic for men is around 22%. Although both men and women are known to cheat, often their reasons for doing so are very different. For men it is usually much more focused on the physical pleasure, whereas for women there is a focus on emotional intimacy. This article will discuss some of the revealing reasons women give for cheating.
1. “I was lonely and bored”
For a woman, being lonely while married seems like the ultimate disillusionment. Don’t you get married so that you will always have a personal best friend at all times, and so that you never need to be lonely again? Sadly it does not always work out that way, and so this is probably one of the biggest reasons why women seek comfort elsewhere. When there is a lack of attention and intimacy in a marriage relationship it is a recipe for infidelity. A woman who is not having her relationship needs met in terms of intimacy, physical touch, mental and emotional attention, is very vulnerable. If some caring man comes along and starts giving her the compassion, attention and compliments she craves, she can very easily slip into an emotional affair which could well become physical given time.
2. “All he does is work”
Sometimes husbands can think that as long as they work hard and bring in the money to support a comfortable lifestyle, their wives should and will be happy with that. After all, what more can a woman want? Actually, a lot more! If a man comes home late everyday and is too tired to have any meaningful conversation with his wife, he will probably soon find out that she has become frustrated, disengaged and distant. When the husband is a workaholic, he may just be using his work to avoid engaging emotionally with his wife and family. And after all, as stated above, emotional engagement is what it is all about for a woman. So again, in a situation where the husband works all the time, the wife becomes a prime target for an affair.
3. “It made me feel confident and wanted”
It is well known that a lot of women suffer from low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence. There can be many reasons for this and they are usually rooted in childhood somehow. It can affect anyone, even the most attractive, appealing and competent women sometimes feel unattractive and incompetent. These negative feelings can be fuelled by a spouse who is either insensitive and demanding or even abusive and derogatory. Then imagine if a handsome work colleague notices (and makes it know that he notices) the positive qualities in such a woman. The rush of confidence and the feeling of being desirable can be intoxicating, like the whiff of a home cooked meal to a starving person. Many women have affairs because it makes them feel better, like they are still attractive and wanted by someone, and it boosts their confidence.
4. “He cheated first”
So now we come to the ugly little word called ‘revenge’. The husband cheated and she found out… the pain was excruciating, the betrayal, the hours and hours of replaying every little clue that she missed, and the shame and reproach she felt, that somehow she just wasn’t good enough anymore. But he was repentant and they decided to patch it up and carry on. She thought she had put it behind her, but it always seemed to be lurking at the back of her mind… and then she met this gorgeous man and they just seemed to ‘click’ from day one… he understood her like hubby never had. One thing led to another, and all the while she told herself, “Well, he cheated first – if he can do it, so can I.”
5. “I needed a way to escape my unhappy marriage”
Some women think that if they have an affair it will function as a kind of ‘exit strategy’ from an unhappy and dysfunctional marriage. Their marriage ship is sinking, so before they find themselves plunged into the icy cold water of singleness, they jump ship and cheat with another man. This may indeed accomplish the goal of ending their marriage, but is likely to make the affair partner feel used. An affair could also be a cry for help, to try and show an unresponsive husband how deeply in trouble the marriage really is, in the hopes that he may be willing to change and get help. There are many ways of dealing with an unhappy marriage, but having an affair is not likely to be a good one.
6. “I really didn’t plan it”
There is a wise saying that goes something like this, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail…” This is particularly true when it comes to having a successful marriage. Unless you plan to make the most of your relationship with your spouse, giving it all you’ve got and constantly seeking ways that you can strengthen your bond, over time you are likely to drift apart. Think of it like a garden: on your wedding day your garden was exquisite and immaculate, with flower beds in full bloom, lawns neatly trimmed and fruit trees laden with fruit. But as the times and seasons passed, you neglected the garden, left the grass unmown, didn’t bother to weed or water the flowers, let the ripe fruit drop to the ground… Maybe you thought the rain and wind would do the job for you? No, just like everything else worthwhile in life, marriage is hard work. It is wonderful and rewarding work, but it is still work, and both of you need to be fully committed. If not, an affair may ‘just happen’ and you could find yourself saying, “I really didn’t plan it…”