The brain is a wonderful organ, it starts functioning the moment it’s created until you fall in love. So your partner cheated on you, once, or maybe more than once, and now they promised to change and marry you. And you accept.
A lot of people will say you’re an idiot.
You don’t care because you love the person and they don’t know your partner as much as you do.
They will say you’re a bigger idiot than they originally thought.
Such is love.
Who knows, maybe your partner is sincere and will change. After all, nobody’s perfect, right?
They even promised to marry you.
So is it worth it? Marriage after infidelity is a tricky proposition. But if you love the person, forgive and forget, move on and live happily ever after. Just like in the movies.
Only in the movies.
In the real world, it’s always a case to case basis, you may be the main character of your own story, but unlike other movie main characters, you are not invulnerable or guaranteed a happy ending.
After all, you don’t know yet if you’re a character in a love story, a romantic comedy, a tragedy, or a horror thriller.
So is it worth forgiving someone who cheated on you? Of course. Do it, living with hate is not a good way to live.
Is it worth forgetting about it? No. Your experiences in life make you stronger (and hopefully smarter).
Is it worth trusting the person again? Yes. If you are not willing to trust them, then don’t bother marrying them, in fact, don’t even bother staying in a relationship.
Is it worth marrying them? No. They would first have to show that they really mean it. Getting divorced is kinda expensive. Lawyers make a lot of money fixing other people’s mistakes.
Speaking of mistakes. Let’s see if you are making one, here are some of the wrong reasons to get married.
One of you could be a gold digger
There are some people who marry for money. It happens. It’s not something everyone does, but that person who proposed to you after screwing around isn’t the first, nor would they be the last to do it.
Let’s face it making money is hard work. If marrying an old person will give you access to a lot of it, kudos to them. There are even people who get into a relationship just for lunch money.
But what if it could apply to you, what if the person isn’t old money making a person, but a dashing young self-made success. Kinda like that fifty shades guy. Is the person promising you the world because you have money? Are they really in love, or they just want to marry and use you as their personal ATM? So they can use your hard earned money to screw other people.
If this applies to you, get a lawyer, sign a lot of ironclad prenups. That will show their sincerity. It’s a Happy ending for the lawyers again.
They are just giving you lip service
Hearing what you want to hear is the best way to close a deal. Every good salesman, con artist, and prostitute have mastered this art form. And a cheater is a one of a kind of jerk that’s all of the above.
So consider the situation, is it a one time spur of the moment deal, or are they, habitual offenders? Are they just caught up in an unfortunate situation and suffered a lapse of judgment, or did they do it on purpose and part of their personality?
A lot of people marry because of false promises. They do it just to keep the other person happy. They want to feed your delusion that you’re the perfect couple.
So what does any of this got to do with you?
It means believing what a cheater says does make you an idiot. If they want to change, they can do it without getting married.
So before you engage in anything that would make lawyers very happy. Have the cheater prove that they can make you happy first.
And no, it doesn’t include marrying you.
You want to show the world that everything is peachy
A lot of partners marry, stay married, or just stay with a cheating partner because they don’t want the world to know that their relationship is not as perfect as they want it to be.
It’s because a lot of people believe in the theory that illusion is better than the truth. This is why things like make-up, push-up bras, and democracy exist.
So people continue on with a toxic relationship just for show, because what others perceive is more important than what really happens behind closed doors.
You may find it stupid, but the world turns because of illusions. If the masses learn that Dumbledore is Gay and where your tax money is really spent civilization will fall into anarchy overnight.
So people forgive and forget cheaters because it’s the fastest way to keep the world turning. If nobody knows there’s a problem, then people will go on with their lives instead of spending hours on end in social media giving their two cents.
So if you’re the kind of person that’s you’re willing to live inside a toxic relationship and sacrifice yourself so the world will keep turning, then go ahead. Don’t expect any medals for your actions. Nobody gets credit for ignoring problems, except maybe politicians.
So what is marriage after infidelity?
Something stupid. Yeah, we have been over that. It is also love, illusion, and sacrifice. The same can be said for jumping over grenades, protecting people from criminals for low wages, and teaching in high school.
So is it worth it?
Decide, it will require a lot of sacrifice on your end. Is your relationship worth your dignity, self-worth, and loyalty? Probably, especially if there are children involved.
But if you value yourself as a person who doesn’t deserve to be treated like a tool then that person isn’t even worth your time now, not to mention a promise of your entire future until death.
So draw a line, is your worth as a person more important than your relationship. Only you can answer that question.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.