Although any marriage does come with its fair share of good times and difficult times, there are just some obstacles that may question the long-term potential of the partnership. Infidelity is one such obstacle.
Have you recently found out that your husband is cheating on you? Are you feeling lost and confused and don’t know what to do? Are you wondering what to say to your cheating husband?
If you haven’t already told him to leave and decided that this marriage won’t work out, you may be feeling troubled and confused. You have the right to feel this way. Your feelings are valid.
You might be wondering: my husband cheated now what?
Figuring out the questions to ask a cheating spouse and coping with a cheating husband isn’t easy. Although it’s not the best idea to start shouting at your spouse, if that’s what feels right, it’s not entirely off the table.
Don’t try to hold yourself back, especially your feelings and thoughts, confronting a cheating spouse. When it comes to knowing what to say to your cheating husband, expressing how hurt you are is important.
It can be a cathartic experience for you. Holding things in and repressing your feelings will do you more harm than good.
Once you’ve expressed how hurt and upset you are, it’s time to be more rational. A big part of what to say to your cheating husband is learning to hear him out.
Giving him the opportunity to explain what happened and how it happened is important for you and him. It is also important to remember that there aren’t any excuses or reasons to cheat.
But, in the end, what to do after husband cheats is largely about balance. The next section helps you understand what to say to your cheating husband.
Cheating husbands what to do: 15 things to say to him
Here are the questions to ask a cheater and what to say to your cheating husband:
1. Verbalize your feelings
One of the very first things to say when it comes to confronting a cheateris to speak about how you are feeling about infidelity. It is essential that he gets a good grasp of how you feel and how hurt you are because of his actions.
Don’t hold back. It won’t help you. Say it. However, remember to be clear when it comes to verbalizing your feelings and thoughts so that he is on the same page as you. You need to be clear in your expression.
2. Ask him why he decided to cheat on you
Once you’ve said what you felt like you had to, it’s time to ask the hard-hitting questions. You need to understand his intentions and motives. How to do that?
Just ask him what led him to behave this way? Once you ask this question, be prepared to hear some unpleasant things.
Why? This is because he may bring up certain issues he had with the marriage to answer this question. Just brace yourself.
Encourage him to be honest when he answers this question. Honesty is key here.
4. Ask him about the details of the cheating incident(s)
Now, this can be a very tricky question to ask. It’s hard for you to hear about the nitty-gritty details of everything that happened. It is understandable.
So, you need to tell him clearly about the details you want to hear about and the ones that you do not want to hear about. This question will help you get some much-needed closure.
5. Are you feeling guilty about what you did?
A big part of what to do when your husband cheats and lies is to ask him this. Does he feel horrible and guilty about his actions? Does he realize that his actions were wrong? Or does he think that he did the right thing and doesn’t feel guilty about it?
Was this infidelity a one-time thing, or has he been doing this for a long time? Was it with multiple people or just one person? This is another important aspect of what to say to your cheating husband.
7. Work on the fundamentals
Try to think back to the time when you first met your partner. Did you know from day one that you would end up together? Even if you did, did you say it? Probably not. Why?
It might have been too much to handle. Too overwhelming. It’s the same when it comes to cheating. A marriage has to be established on a foundation of friendship. Go back to the beginning. Question the basic aspects of your relationship.
8. Focus on the common pain points
If you’re married, you may probably know about the common points or patterns of pain about each other. There is a high possibility that those common pain points may have led to infidelity.
So, it’s best to focus on those for the time being.
9. How many people?
Another way to gain clarity and closure and things to say to your husband about cheating is to not only ask about how many times he cheated but also how many people he was involved with.
Was it just a one-time thing with one person, or has he been together with that person for months or weeks now? Or has it been a different person every time?
10. Figure out the exact antecedents of the cheating incidents
When dealing with a cheating husband, ask him about exactly what fuelled his desire to cheat on you. Try and identify if there is a pattern or common pain points when he’s describing the antecedents.
Was it some sort of financial crisis that he was going through? Was it a horrible argument he had with you? Was he feeling unsatisfied? Was he feeling adventurous and reckless? Was he under the influence? What was it?
Now that you know what to say to your cheating husband and you’ve had several discussions with him about the kind of the relationship we have, how you both feel, the reasons, and so on, what to do when your husband cheats?
What should you actually do? Whether you want to stay married or leave him is dependent on a lot of factors.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.