If you’re dealing with infidelity, you’re going to be feeling rough around the edges. Infidelity is painful, scary, and sometimes infuriating. It’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions.
If you decide to stay, you might be wondering how your marriage can ever be ok. If you decide to go, you’ll be wrangling feelings of betrayal and grief and wondering how to start rebuilding your life.
In either event, the chances are you’re feeling awful right now. It’s time to look after yourself with our easy to follow self care tips.
Eat your greens
It’s easy to forget about nutrition when you’re dealing with an affair. You might forget to eat, or find yourself grabbing quick and easy junk food.
The stress of dealing with infidelity takes a toll on your body, and eating unhealthy food adds to the stress and makes you feel even worse.
Pre plan some easy but healthy meals and snacks, or even ask a friend to help you whip up a batch of healthy freezer meals. Your body will thank you.
Exercise is a powerful mood booster, and is also a healthy way to work out aggression or frustration at your husband without breaking your favorite crockery.
Hit the gym, or take an exercise class. Head out for a walk or jog – the fresh air will help clear your head while the physical movement will bolster your mood and reduce your stress.
Get a good night’s sleep
Lack of sleep makes everything feel worse. Your mood is lower, your stress is higher, and it’s hard to think clearly.
Plan for a good night’s sleep by switching off your phone or computer half an hour before bedtime and unwinding with a book or other quiet activity. Cut caffeine after your evening meal, and make sure your bedroom is the right temperature.
Some lavender oil on your pillow, a sleep or meditation app, or even an over the counter herbal sleep supplement can help you drift off.
Honor all your feelings
You’ll feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, and that’s completely normal. You might feel rage one minute, betrayal the next, and fear or grief after that.
Let your feelings come and don’t label any of them as “bad.” All your feelings are natural and need to be heard and felt. Acknowledge them and listen to what they are telling you.
Keep a journal
Writing things down is a good way to get clarity around your feelings and needs, and gives you a tool for tracking your progress and moods.
Keep a journal to help you process your feelings as you work through the fallout of your husband’s infidelity. If you’re worried about privacy, keep an electronic or online journal with a password that no one else could guess.
Lean on your support network
You need support right now, so don’t be afraid to lean on your support network. Let close friends or family members know you’re going through a rough time and could use their help.
Ask for what you need, whether that’s a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or some practical help. Don’t try to go through it alone.
Ask your husband to help
One word of warning: Don’t give in to the temptation to test your husband, or punish him. Yes he does need to work on regaining your trust, but a dynamic of bitterness and retribution will only add damage onto damage.
See a therapist
A therapist can help you work through your feelings. Whether you decide to end your marriage or not, or if you just don’t know what to do, a therapist can support you.
You might also consider going for couples therapy with your husband. Working with a professional can help you both express your feelings and work together on how to move forward.
Get away for a night
Dealing with infidelity takes a lot of time and energy. Give yourself a much needed break by simply taking a night away.
Go stay with a friend, or take a road trip and book into a hotel. You might even decide to get back to nature with a night spent camping. A night away will help you clear your head and focus just on yourself for a while.
Make time for you
It’s easy to go into crisis mode when dealing with your husband’s infidelity. You pour all your energy into making practical plans and having difficult conversations.
Little things like taking a long bath or curling up with a book might seem frivolous, but in fact little daily acts of self care help you regulate your mood and look after yourself at a difficult time.
Finding out your husband has been unfaithful is painful. No matter what you decide to do next, taking care of yourself is vital for your own healing and wellbeing.