15 Signs of Cheating in a Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships can be challenging affairs. Real-life situations such as work deployment, University studies, and online relationships can split a couple apart or have it begin that way. 

It’s not an ideal scenario, but then again, love is sometimes unpredictable.

Luckily, modern technology bridges the communication gap that making it easier for couples to keep in touch regardless of the distance. 

But that doesn’t mean that cheating in a long-distance relationship won’t happen. Couples in long-distance relationships are more likely to worry that their partner is cheating on them. 

Questions such as how to know if your boyfriend is cheating on you in a long-distance relationship are frequent conversation topics among people involved in such a thing.

Long-distance relationships and cheating

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Even long-term or married couples start to have anxiety over their relationship if their partner is away for extended periods of time. 

It’s a valid concern; not being able to check for the proverbial lipstick on the collar leaves a lot to the imagination, and it can quickly turn into negative fear and paranoia that your partner can succumb to long-distance cheating.

Signs he is cheating in a long-distance relationship become blurred and trust eventually breaks down.

Regardless of the foundations of a relationship, trust is harder to establish when communication and physical contact is few and far between. 

Long-distance relationship cheating signs can be as subtle as changes in the number of times their partner shows affection or a clear indication of disinterest, such as the gradual increase in “busy” schedules.

The lack of accessibility to physical intimacy is the most common cause of long-distance relationship cheating. 

Individuals have needs, and loving couples are more than willing to fulfill those needs in non-long-distance relationships. 

Transformational mentor & therapist Dionne Eleanor states that:

Infidelity often occurs when needs aren’t being met in the relationship. It’s important to explore what was missing and whether those needs can be addressed moving forward.

On the other hand, if the relationship is hindered by physical distance, even if they are willing to have sex, it’s just not possible. Technology can help, but there are times when it only increases the desire instead of satiating it.

What is cheating in a long-distance relationship?

People might think cheating means having sexual intercourse with someone other than your partner, but it’s more than that.

Cheating is a combination of giving in to sexual desires, lying, and keeping secrets from your partner. Cheating long distance happens when you’re not physically close to your partner, and you give in to the temptation of having another relationship.

Long-distance relationship cheating is one of the most common reasons couples break up.

Without their partners by their side, some people miss having “companions” and someone who will satisfy them sexually, in addition to emotionally.

It can be difficult for some people to feel close to someone they cannot touch for long periods. Now, we all know temptations exist, and being away from your loved one will make some people more vulnerable to giving in or, for some, playing around.

Is a long-distance relationship possible without cheating?

Do long-distance relationships and cheating go hand in hand? Is it inevitable?

Should you already conclude that when your partner is away from you, they would already cheat?

This would be unfair because it’s possible to have an honest relationship without cheating, even if you are hundreds of miles away from each other.

Dionne Eleanor, transformational coach, states that:

Infidelity is a symptom of underlying issues in a relationship and can happen regardless. The problem may not necessarily be the physical distance; it could be something deeper, such as a past fear of abandonment, mismatched communication styles, and availability for calls when physically separated.

Statistics on cheating in a long-distance relationship

A survey posted that 22% of the respondents admitted to having some sort of cheating in a long-distance relationship. These reports included keeping secrets, going on dates, flirting, sexual intercourse, and having another relationship.

15 signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship

Cheating in a long-distance relationship breaks down trust. 

Just like any other case of infidelity. The problem with long-distance relationships is that the anxiety is higher, and assurances are given more often, which makes the betrayal more hurtful. 

“Is my long-distance boyfriend cheating on me?”

That’s one question you may want to ask, and good thing there are signs to watch out for.

Here are 15 signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship:

1. They find less and less time to communicate

Long-distance relationship cheating signs may be subtle, but if you pay attention, you will notice them and one of the most common signs is when your partner has less time to communicate with you.

Sure, we all get busy and focused on work or studies, but what if it happens often? One reason is that your partner may be busy talking to someone else.

2. They always have “technical problems”

You become excited to contact your partner after a long day’s work, but suddenly, their phone is low on battery. Sometimes, you look forward to face-time them, but then they’re out where there’s limited to no signal.

What if all those accidental tech problems always happen? Maybe your long-distance girlfriend is really being unfaithful. Realizing that you have a long-distance relationship and a cheating partner can devastate anyone.

3. There are fewer posts on social media

You notice your partner is no longer updating their social media accounts, even when you know that they usually post about their life, events, and gatherings.

Maybe they have another social media account you don’t know of, or they are hiding posts from you, especially when you have access to their primary account. Unfortunately, this is already a form of cheating and one of the first signs of cheating in a long-distance relationship.

4. They sleep or work overtime more often

Over time, you get fewer calls answered. Either your partner is asleep, tired, or doing overtime. You just notice that they no longer have time for you, or ultimately, you are no longer on their list of priorities.

If you feel you’re the only one committing more time and effort for your relationship to work, then you are already seeing a sign of cheating in a long-distance relationship.

5. Conversations are shorter and become more generalized

There are many other ways to tell if your long-distance boyfriend is cheating on you.

For example, you feel thrilled as your partner answers your call, only to get disappointed as they end the call too soon because “they have other things to do.”

“Am I the only one who misses you?”

If you like this more often than not, then you might be correct.

6. No details are given regarding their daily lives 

Communication is very important, especially when you are in a long-distance relationship. This means you and your partner should give equal efforts to stay close.

But what if your partner no longer lets you know how they are doing? Before, you wake up and see messages or updates about their daily lives, but now, if you don’t ask, your partner won’t even remember to update you.

7. They always seem irritated

You miss your partner, so you ask about their daily life events and what they are doing. Sometimes you want to be a little mushy and sweet, but instead of reciprocating it, your partner becomes irritated.

If you notice these, then they are signs she is cheating in a long-distance relationship.

8. They seem nervous when you contact them

Does your partner always seem nervous when you FaceTime with them? Like they stutter or seem to lose focus on your topic?

It would also take them some time before they can ‘get’ what you mean, or they may seem out of it most of the time. The reason? Well, this person might be focused on someone else.

9. They have new sets of rules about visiting

If you analyze this sign of a partner cheating in a long-distance relationship, it will all make perfect sense.

Does your partner ask you to call or chat a few hours before you visit? Or maybe they would prefer it if they were the ones visiting you.

Your partner may also seem nervous when you bring this topic up. This just means they are keeping something from you.

10. They no longer want to be associated with you on social media

Tagging your partner is just normal for couples, but what if your partner doesn’t want to be tagged? If you insist, it might escalate into a bigger issue, so you brush it off.

Then again, you notice it happening frequently. If this person has a new friend on social media, they wouldn’t find a trace of you. That, right there, is a red flag.

11. They have a new set of friends, and they always go out

“I was just hanging out with my new buddies. I mean, I’ll introduce you sometime. They are really busy.”

If this is your partner’s answer, if you ask about his ‘weekend’ buddies, and realize that it has been many months and you still haven’t met them or seen them, then you may need to wonder why.

12. You notice inconsistencies in their stories

Inconsistencies in stories and even in their daily life can mean one thing; this person is hiding something from you.

No one wants to be paranoid about cheating in a long-distance relationship, but if you feel and see that your partner’s alibis and stories don’t match up, then lies are there waiting to be uncovered.

13. They become defensive

As someone who wants to fix their relationship, you want to make sure that you have open communication. If you’re seeing the signs, the first thing to do is to open up, but what if your partner gets angry and defensive?

You just want to talk, but your partner gets defensive and often blames you for being paranoid. Again, this is a normal reaction when you’re hiding something.

14. They are no longer emotionally there for you anymore

On your end, you, too, would experience difficulties, and the one person you expect to be there for you emotionally to cheer you up is no longer interested.

“Sorry, honey. I have things to do. Ring your best friend, she’ll listen. Sorry, but I have to go.”

Being shut off or being ignored by someone you love hurts and is also a sign that they are no longer emotionally connected with you.

15. You have a strong gut feeling that your partner is cheating

You can feel it in your gut, especially when you’ve seen all the cheating in a long-distance relationship sign.

You may try to give a reason for every action, but over time, it will all make sense. You’re still in a relationship, but only in paper or title. Other than that, you’re no longer connected.

If you are experiencing a majority of the red flags mentioned above, then it’s time to think about how you know when your man is cheating for sure. 

What is intuition, and do we all have it? Let Tori Olds, a therapist at Deep Eddy Psychotherapy in Austin, TX, teach us the basics about intuition. 

Long-distance relationship cheating and moving forward

There are cases when such symptoms are just paranoia, and it wouldn’t be fair to your husband/boyfriend to judge them based on just signs. 

The first thing you need to figure out is what to do if your boyfriend cheats on you for real. 

Are you willing to forgive them because of your challenging situation? Do you want to confront them and tell them to stop?

Long-distance relationship cheating is still infidelity. That is especially true if you are a married couple. Regardless of the challenges and limitations of your current situation, it is not an excuse to cheat. 

Therapist Dionne Eleanor shares that:

Betrayal can shatter a relationship, but it doesn’t have to be the end. With open communication, commitment, and a willingness to do the work, couples can rebuild and even strengthen their bond.

Some people think that perhaps, if we lived in a society where polygamy is socially and universally accepted, then there wouldn’t be any issues, but that is not necessarily the case. People cheat because of a variety of reasons.

Instinct and gut feeling may turn out to be true. However, without evidence, you are just feeding into your own fears and paranoia. 

Try to communicate and ask your partner to share what is happening for their behaviors to change. Make sure you remind your partner of the consequences of lying and how that could impact you both.

Before you open up such a sensitive topic based on the signs you think are there, be ready to have an answer on what to do if your boyfriend cheats on you. 

If you do find out your partner is cheating, you have three choices.

• Walk away
• Live with it
• Tell him to stop and make amends to repair the relationship

If you are not willing to do any of the three options, then don’t even bother overthinking the signs.

Infidelity, including long-distance cheating, never ends well. So if you do find signs your long-distance boyfriend is cheating, it could signal the beginning of the end of your relationship.

Is there a way to learn how to avoid cheating in a long-distance relationship?

There is one way that a long-distance couple could try to avoid cheating, and that is communication.

We’ve heard this before. Communication can make things work, but only if you try. Don’t let your busy schedule stop you from talking to your partner.

For some, even this will become a challenge; after all, there is a greater chance of misunderstanding each other when you’re not together.

But if you love each other, wouldn’t you want to try harder for the sake of your relationship?

This way, you have no reason to find happiness or satisfaction with someone else.

Advice for cheating couples in a long-distance relationship

If you confirm that your boyfriend is cheating while he is far away, it’s time to sit back and reassess the relationship. 

If it’s a relationship that started online, you may want to think about who is the real partner. Your boyfriend may be cheating, but you are the third party.

If you have been in a long-term relationship before you or your partner moved away, then you really should think about your relationship. 

The more invested you are in a relationship, the more you should think about resolving the issue. 

If you and your boyfriend are not together because of College, you spent high school together and gave your virginity on prom night; then it’s a good idea to spread your wings. You are still young, and there’s plenty of fish in the sea. 

If you have been married for a couple of years with young children, then you may need to consider priorities. 

Your husband gallivanting when he is away is unfortunate. Still, if the money he sends is absolutely necessary for your children’s welfare, you may have to swallow your pride and forgive him. 

That’s the best cheating in a piece of long-distance relationship advice we offer. Choosing a jerk to father your children is not the best option to choose, but your children don’t have to suffer for it. 

That is especially true if the jerk is still a good father in spite of being a loser of a husband. Nothing good will come from long-distance relationship cheating. 

So don’t go dreaming about idea scenarios of what-ifs.

It’s a waste of time and will just degenerate into finger-pointing and blame-calling. It will only increase the pain and hatred for each other, leading to a messy break-up. 

So try to open up communication lines and fix your relationship. See if your partner is willing to make amends and move forward.

If not, walk away with dignity and rebuild your life.

Takeaway

Realizing that you have to live apart from your partner is hard. There will be adjustments, and yes, the risk of cheating in a long-distance relationship will always be there.

But if you and your partner work together and have open communication, then there’s a greater chance that you will overcome this challenge.

Remember, love is strong when two people work together.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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