What is lack of readiness in marriage?
Marriage can be the greatest decision of your life. It has the power to change your whole world. However, a change in lifestyle is something that many people don’t like. With everyone around you getting married along with your family continually pressurizing you, you may end up taking such a big decision in your life with haste.
Take note that while getting cold feet before the big day is typical, if the second thoughts about marriage as well as you continuing to be unsure about such a decision persist, you are probably not ready to get married.
Following are few reasons why you might not want to get married – You love your independence a lot. You have commitment issues. You feel getting a divorce is no big deal.
Just like every other thing that has certain signs, the lack of readiness in a person to get married can also be determined by signs a person might show unknowingly. Following are some of the signs of lack of readiness to get married.
8 signs you are not ready to get married
1. You are uncomfortable sharing secrets with your partner
Transparency is a significant factor in marriage. When two people are getting married, they should know each other’s secrets and still accept them for who they are. If you are hiding something significant from your partner, you are not ready to get them married. You might either be afraid of getting judged or you are not comfortable with them. This a clear signal that you are yet not ready to get into such a kind of relationship with that said person even if you think you love them.
2. You aren’t sure you want to settle down
Another sign for lack of readiness in marriage is the unwillingness to settle down in a lifelong relationship. The fact that you are still looking for options after choosing one person means that you are still not yet ready to walk down the aisle. There is no reason to move forward already knowing that you might regret your decision later.
3.You hate to compromise
Compromising, in marriage, can mean making a massive change in your lifestyle. A person who has been single for a long time or loves their timetable would find it very difficult to accept such a huge difference in it. If you are not ready to merge with the lifestyle of your loved one and consider it a huge sacrifice you lack the readiness to get married.
4.Expecting your partner to change
People definitely undergo some changes with time. They may also grow as a person. But if you expect your partner to completely change the way you want them to be whether it’s making them more ambitious, responsible or another kind of change, is a big mistake. Your partner will always be the same person as they were before. A thought like this, where you want to first change someone before getting hitched, is an obvious sign of your lack of readiness to get married.
5.Divorce doesn’t seem like a great deal
If you have an attitude that if the marriage doesn’t work, you will file for a divorce is not a great way to start your journey toward marriage. Divorces may not be such a great deal if they happen for the right reasons. But if you enter a relationship thinking about its inevitable end, you lack the readiness to get married.
6. You are too busy in your career
If you happen to love your work so much that you are into it all the time to such a degree that you’re always at it and also love to work overtime or skip the food, marriage might not be the right decision for you yet. A person who is too focused on their career, and who has always boasted about being married to their job lack the readiness to get married.
7. You are too independent
Relationships like marriage require a healthy level of interdependence. You have to sacrifice some privacy, alone time and your ‘I come first’ attitude. You have to make decisions together after marriage and make space for another person in your life. So, if you can’t accept to compromise you lack the readiness to get married.
8. You are getting married to please someone
If a person is tying the knot to either please society, a family member or if you are getting married just because you feel left out when out with your married friends, you need to stop. All these reasons show your lack of readiness to get married and getting hitched will most likely not work well for you.
Why is lack of readiness in marriage so common these days?
Everyone from the previous generation got married because marriage was very normal for them. It was something everyone was supposed to do. But in today’s world, we see everyone running from the idea of marriage. No one wants to have the real talk about settling down. The following might be some of the reasons.
Growing number of divorce rates in families and relationships ending on a rough patch.
The expense a marriage incurs is something not everyone can afford. People feel getting married is like being tied down and being deprived of freedom. The constant urge of youngsters to look out for new partners and being unable to be with a person for a long time.
What is the solution to lack of readiness in marriage?
While someone people might feel they aren’t ready to be married, that doesn’t mean that things can’t change for them. A lot of people are hesitant to tie the knot because they’re unsure. The following few factors can help them understand what being married means and to decide if they’re ready for such a step.
Tell them how marriage can be beneficial
Many will question due to all the compromises, suffering and obstacles why one would still want to get married. However, such individuals should learn that with all hardships there comes moments and parts of life you always cherish.
Below are reasons discussed on how a marriage is beneficial and how they work as the solution to lack of readiness in marriage:
It brings emotional stability in your life. It’s great to know that you have someone who you can share each and everything with. Marriage gives you a calming sense that there is someone who knows you in and out and won’t judge you for what you feel or what you think. There someone who can share your emotional load and help you de-stress. Such a bond also provides a strong sense of security because you know there is someone who will stand by you through thick and thin.
It helps you get financially stable. You realize that due to such a bond, you two are a team and thus, you even act as one too. Working as a team offers a greater chance of income and financial stability down the line. You’ll also be able to manage your finances better because of your future plans.
Companionship for life
You will have a companion for life one you’re married. A committed person will always be there for you not just in good times but also for rough times. They will laugh with you, always there to offer you support when needed. Similarly, you’ll learn compassion as well, knowing that you must act as emotional support in their time of need.
Consult a counselor
Consulting a reliable counselor will help you clear all your doubts about marriage. It will give you a clear image of why you don’t want to get married right now and how you can make certain changes to be ready. A counselor can also help you realize if there are certain issues that might be stopping you from getting married (anger issues, commitment issues, anxiety, etc.). Knowing how to deal with such things with the help of a counselor can go a long way in making you ready for marriage.
Wrapping it up
The thing to realize is that not everyone is ready to get married. And that’s totally normal. However, people should try and look deeper into themselves and see what’s stopping them from taking such step. Are they hesitant due to family history? Do they have commitment issues, etc. Knowing yourself as a person is the first step in finding the solution to lack of readiness in marriage.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.