10 Signs of a Mentally Abusive Relationship

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Does your partner belittle you constantly? Do they tell you that your family and friends are bad for you and that you should cut them out of your life? Do they make you feel like you have no self-worth? 

Or do they blame you for their unhappiness and lack of professional or personal prestige?  

If any of these are true, you may be in a mentally abusive relationship.  

There can be some glaring signs of a mentally abusive relationship that indicate that your partner is offensive and will establish your partnership as a mentally abusive one.

Degrading treatment in a mentally abusive relationship often makes you not challenge your partner’s put-downs.

So what is one of the prominent signs of brainwashing in relationships?

You stay silent and start believing them. This is brainwashing, which can be one of the mental abuser’s ultimate goals. 

They can brainwash you into thinking you are worth nothing without them.

If the above points resonate with you, read on to know some more warning signs of an abusive boyfriend, emotionally abusive wife, or mentally abusive husband signs.

What is mental abuse?

Let’s understand the mentally abusive meaning in a relationship.

Mental abuse, also known as emotional abuse, refers to patterns of behavior aimed at controlling, demeaning, and manipulating someone psychologically. It can involve insults, humiliation, gaslighting, and other tactics that erode a person’s self-esteem and well-being.

What is an example of mental abuse?

Let’s read about some mental abuse examples below.

A practical example of mental abuse can be a partner constantly belittling and demeaning their significant other, undermining their confidence, and manipulating their emotions to gain control and power over them.

10 signs of mental abuse

Identifying signs of an abusive spouse will help you cope with an abusive spouse and break free of the mentally abusive relationship. Here are 10 common signs of a mentally abusive relationship.

1. Your partner denigrates your self-improvement efforts

If you attempt self-care, such as a new exercise program or a healthy diet, they will tell you that you will never succeed, saying things like “Why to bother?  You’ll only gain the weight back”, or “You give it one month and you’ll quit the gym like you always do.”  

The mental abuser never offers encouragement to you or others but insists on your complete devotion and belief in them.

2. Your partner is threatened by outside support systems

• A mentally abusive person doesn’t like their victim to have outside friends and family support.  
• In a mentally abusive relationship, they might tell you that they are a liability and try to get you to leave them.  
• A mentally abusive husband or wife will find something wrong with your friends, saying they are only using you or that they really don’t like you.
• As for your family, they think they are toxic and you should cut them out of your life.

One of the signs of a mentally abusive relationship is that if you tell your abuser that you are going to therapy or relationship counseling, they will tell you that all therapists are quacks and a waste of money.  Only they know what you need.

3. You feel a constant sense of anxiety

A mental abuser is very controlling.  

They make you believe you need their permission to do anything outside the scope of your relationship.  

Thinking of going back to school?  

Just the idea of telling your mentally abusive partner makes you anxious, as you know they are going to find a reason to block you from doing this.  

One of the abusive relationships signs is that you live your days in a state of fear and apprehensiveness, as they have made you think you need their    approval for each and every move you make. 

4. Your partner has no sense of humor

You will never see your mentally abusive boyfriend or girlfriend laugh off a mistake they might make.  

Instead, they are quick to anger.

If they think anyone is laughing at them, even in a light-hearted way, they will become enraged.

You have just a few moments of levity in your relationship if any at all.  If they find something funny, you can bet it is based on cruelty, such as an animal being hurt or a child being bullied.

5. Your partner never takes responsibility for any mistakes

One of the signs of an abusive spouse is that it is always your, or someone else’s fault.  

• They never apologize.  
• Did they forget to pick you up from work?  It was your fault for not reminding them.  
• If they yell at you during an argument, they won’t say they are sorry once they calm down.  

You made them “so” angry that they lost control. 

6. They subject you to verbal insults

Consistently using derogatory language, name-calling, or insulting remarks toward an individual is a clear sign of mental abuse. It undermines their self-worth and contributes to feelings of inadequacy.

Watch psychologist Dr. David Clarke answers questions about emotional abuse in marriage:

7. They resort to threats and intimidation

Constant threats are sure shot signs of a mentally abusive relationship.

Threatening behavior, including verbal threats or gestures, is a sign of mental abuse. The abuser uses fear and intimidation to gain power and control, leaving the victim feeling anxious, scared, and powerless.

8. You often face manipulative blaming

Mental abusers often shift blame onto their victims, making them responsible for their own abusive behavior. By manipulating the situation, they avoid accountability and maintain control over the victim’s emotions and actions.

9. They withhold showing any affection to you

Mental abusers may withhold affection, love, or approval as a means of punishment or control. This is one of the signs of a mentally abusive relationship and creates a constant sense of insecurity and the victim’s desperate need for validation from the abuser.

10. They appear to be emotional withdrawal

Always being emotionally distant is one of the signs of a mentally abusive relationship.

Mental abusers often use emotional withdrawal as a tool to manipulate their victims. They may give silent treatment, and refuse communication or affection, leaving the victim feeling isolated, rejected, and desperate for their attention.

What to do if you’re being mentally abused?

When facing abuse, it’s important to respond in ways that prioritize safety and avoid escalating the situation. Taking a stand in an abusive relationship can trigger abusers to regain control by intensifying the abuse. 

Focus on calming the situation instead of engaging in arguments or escalation. Practice detachment by realizing that the abuse is not a reflection of your worth. When you feel ready, use concise statements that address the abusive behavior directly.

5 ways to deal with mental abuse

How to get out of a mentally abusive relationship? How do you take steps safely to end your mentally abusive relationship? Read the next section to find out what to do after noticing signs of a mentally abusive relationship in your life.

1. Admit to yourself that this relationship is unhealthy

A relationship with a mentally abusive person is not a norm, despite what your partner would have you believe.  You do not deserve this type of treatment and you are not responsible for a mentally abusive relationship. 

You need to let that sink in so that you can take the courageous steps to recognize signs of a mentally abusive relationship, end the toxic relationship, and regain your sense of self-worth.

2. This is not something you can talk about with your partner

Mentally abusive people are not rational.  

If they sense you are gathering up the strength to leave them, they will double the efforts to try and control you to make you stay.  

Seek outside help on your own by contacting a therapist, or the local mental health services, or a battered women’s shelter.  

Even if you are not the victim of physical abuse, a battered women’s shelter can provide you with information and advice on how you can extricate yourself from this abusive relationship and keep yourself unharmed while doing so.

3. Your mental health and happiness come first

Your mentally abusive partner has worn you down and you may have forgotten who “you” are, independent of them.

Working with a therapist specializing in women who suffer at the hands of mental abusers can help you re-discover that “lost you”, the person who was vibrant, happy, joyful, and who felt safe in the world.  

4. Set boundaries with your abuser

When they start with the behavior, tell them that it is no longer ok to call you names, criticize your friends and family, or denigrate everything you do.  

It may not change their pattern, but you will feel like you have regained some of your personal power in using your voice to state your needs.

5. Accept that you cannot change your mental abuser

An abuser’s behaviors are deeply-rooted.  

It is not your job to fix them.  If they wish to work on themself, they need to do this with a trained therapist.  No amount of your love will cure them of their patterns in a mentally abusive relationship. 

Concentrate on healing yourself, not them.

Extra questions

Here are some more relevant questions regarding emotional abuse, addressing, and healing from the traumatic experience. Let’s dive into it.

• Can an abusive relationship cause PTSD?

Yes, an abusive relationship can cause Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Persistent exposure to trauma, fear, and emotional distress can lead to symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and hypervigilance commonly associated with PTSD.

• Can emotional abuse turn into physical abuse?

Yes, emotional abuse can escalate and potentially turn into physical abuse. The persistent control, manipulation, and degradation inflicted by an emotional abuser can increase the risk of physical violence over time, jeopardizing the victim’s safety and well-being.

If you feel inclined to burrow inside an emotional abuser’s head, try reading this book and get insights into emotional abuse.

Stand up for yourself and seek out help

It could look impossible at first but you must not give up on yourself. Make an effort to break the chain of abuse and start over. 

Once you have left this abusive situation, take some time to be on your own while you discover who you are.  

You are a person who is worth being cherished, loved, and respected.  You will be amazed at how wonderful a loving relationship can be when the right person enters your life!