Can Marriage Counseling Work: 13 Reasons You Need It

When you’re dealing with problems in marriage, it’s only natural to want to find solutions. After all, you’ve invested time and energy into this relationship, and you’ve made a lifelong commitment.

One option to explore when you’re struggling is marriage counseling. Working with a counselor gives you a neutral perspective, as well as a safe setting to work through problems in-depth. 

So, can marriage counseling work? In many cases it can. Below, we’ll explore 13 good reasons to seek counseling on marriage. 

13 reasons why marriage counseling works for struggling couples

Marriage counseling, is it worth it? For many couples, it is. Counseling comes with numerous benefits, which can help you rebuild your marriage.

We’ll dive into 13 benefits of marriage counseling in more detail below. 

1. A neutral perspective

When you’re in the midst of marital conflict, it’s difficult to know how to proceed. Your emotions are strong, and you cannot maintain an objective stance. 

This is where a counselor can be helpful. This trained professional has a neutral perspective, as they are not heavily emotionally invested in the marriage. They can provide objective guidance to help you get back on track. 

2. Training in communication skills 

Communication breakdowns can lead to marital problems. It’s difficult to be on the same page when you’re struggling to communicate in a clear, respectful manner.

A marriage counselor can help you to improve your communication skills, so you understand each other better. Healthy communication can also help you to stay kind during arguments, which will benefit your marriage. 

3. Help for both partners

Sometimes, people think that marital counseling is a place where someone takes their spouse to have a counselor “fix” them. In reality, this is far from the truth.

The point of marital counseling is not to fix one partner, but rather for the counselor to help both spouses improve themselves in ways that benefit the marriage. This way, both partners can achieve personal growth! 

4. Learning new coping skills

Over time, stress can take a toll on a marriage. As couples face challenges related to work, finances, and parenting, they may also struggle to cope.

When people don’t cope well with stress, their marriages can begin to fall apart. The good news is that a marriage counselor can help you and your spouse learn healthy coping skills to improve the marriage. 

5. Improved conflict resolution 

Counseling on marriage can help you improve your conflict resolution skills, which is important, because some conflict is unavoidable in marriage.

Conflict itself isn’t a problem, but it becomes problematic when couples cannot manage it in a healthy way. Fortunately, a counselor can teach you to resolve conflict in a way that doesn’t cause damage to the marriage. 

Learn more about successful conflict resolution in this video:

6. Assistance with problems affecting the marriage

So, can marriage counseling work? If you’re dealing with significant problems affecting the marriage, it can make a world of difference.

Consider problems like infidelity or grief, for example. A counselor is trained to provide professional guidance as you navigate these issues, so they don’t cause your marriage to completely crumble. 

7. Enhanced problem-solving 

If you’re stuck trying to solve problems within the marriage, a counselor can offer a fresh perspective. Counselors are also trained to help spouses strengthen their problem-solving abilities.

A counselor won’t necessarily tell you exactly what to do, but they can talk you through your options, helping you to weigh the pros and cons of each. 

8. Improved intimacy

Over the course of a long-term marriage, intimacy may begin to fade. This can involve both physical and emotional intimacy.

Counseling can be a safe setting for rebuilding intimacy. By discussing relationship problems and showing vulnerability in the presence of a trained counselor, spouses can enhance their connection with each other. 

9. Increased empathy

Empathy for one’s spouse can decline as marital difficulties arise. It’s easy to get caught up in feelings of anger and resentment, which leads us to forget about our partner’s needs and feelings.

Lack of empathy can really take a toll on a marriage. Having empathy for our partner’s experience is an important part of a healthy relationship. In marriage counseling sessions, you will hear about your partner’s experiences and feelings, which will help you build more empathy for them.

10. Having an accountability partner

It’s easy to decide with your spouse that you’re going to make changes to your marriage, but it’s not always easy to follow through.

A marriage counselor can keep you accountable for making changes. The counselor will give you homework to work on between sessions, in addition to checking in regularly to see what progress you’re making.

11. Assistance with setting goals 

When you decide to see a marriage counselor, they will work with you and your spouse to develop agreed-upon goals. These goals will become part of your treatment plan, which is your roadmap to improving your marriage.

Counselors working in marriage counseling are specifically trained to help you set clear, measurable goals, so you know what you’re working toward. They’ll also help you devise a list of objectives, which are steps you’ll take to reach your goals. 

12. Rebuilding trust 

Trust is required for a healthy marriage, but life’s challenges can get in the way of lasting trust. Perhaps one partner has been unfaithful, or the couple is simply struggling to overcome attachment wounds.

Regardless of the exact cause, a marriage counselor can help you and your spouse to rebuild trust within the marriage. This will make both of you feel more comfortable being vulnerable with each other. 

13. Exploring underlying issues contributing to dysfunction 

In many cases, marital issues arise when unresolved problems are contributing to a dysfunctional dynamic within the marriage. This could involve a mental health problem in one or both spouses, or unresolved childhood issues that are interfering with the marital bond. 

For example, if one spouse witnessed violence or abuse within their childhood home, this can make them hesitant to completely trust their spouse. A counselor can help spouses work through these issues so they don’t continue to negatively affect the marriage. 

FAQs

If you’re asking, “Can marriage counseling work?” the answers to the following common questions will likely be helpful. 

• Can marriage counseling make things worse?

For many couples, marriage counseling can be highly effective. However, it could potentially make things worse if both couples are not fully engaged in the process.

For example, if one spouse believes their significant other is the entire problem and they refuse to engage in sessions, the marital relationship may worsen. 

Marriage counseling may also make things worse in the case of domestic violence. Counseling sessions can upset the partner who perpetrates violence, leading to further instances of abuse.

An abusive partner may also use counseling sessions as another way to maintain power and control, while manipulating the counselor to see things their way. In the case of domestic violence, it’s important to keep yourself safe and reach out to protective resources. 

• What not to say in couples counseling?

Couples counseling should be a safe setting for exploring challenging topics, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to say whatever you’d like. Your couple’s counselor will likely set ground rules regarding respectful communication during sessions.

That being said, there are certain things you probably shouldn’t say. For instance, when your spouse expresses their feelings, you shouldn’t tell them they’re being ridiculous or overreacting. 

You should also avoid any statement that suggests your spouse is to blame for all problems in the marriage. 

• What is the difference between marriage counseling and couples therapy?

In the world of mental health treatment, the terms “counseling” and “therapy” are often used interchangeably. In some cases, they may have the same meaning.

However, when speaking in technical terms, there can be nuanced differences between the two. Counseling typically refers to short-term, problem-solving interventions.

On the other hand, therapy is typically more clinical in nature. It requires the use of evidence-based psychological treatments provided by a licensed therapist.

Therapy is typically longer-lasting, and it does more than simply solve problems over the short term. Therapy dives deeply into unresolved issues, mental health problems, and childhood wounds to explore how they’re affecting a marriage. 

• Can marriage counseling help my wife love me again?

Can marriage counseling work for rebuilding love? Absolutely! Counseling sessions can help you resolve issues that are interfering with affection and intimacy in the relationship. 

If you’re feeling like you’ve fallen out of love, a marriage counselor can help you set goals to resolve this issue and get back on track. 

Final thoughts 

Can marriage counseling help? For many couples, it can be highly effective for resolving problems that are interfering with the health of the marriage.

Marriage counseling occurs with the guidance of a trained professional who can help you rebuild intimacy, resolve conflict, and overcome underlying issues contributing to marital problems.

If you’re struggling in your own marriage, reach out to a marriage counselor today. Alternatively, you might consider taking an online self-help course to get your marriage back on track. 

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Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount... Read more Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.   Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise. Read less

(Jennifer Jacobsen is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Ashland)