Men vs Women After a Breakup: 10 Major Differences

Breakups can be painful. They can tear you apart and suddenly, you may feel helpless and aimless. You may need help figuring out what to do next once the one you loved so much walks out of your life.

Foremost, we might not anticipate breaking up when we get into a relationship. We always wish it to last forever; however, the ultimate truth of life is that everything ends.

To live a life with a void in life is never easy, but one must get over it. When discussing breakups, men and women may have different ways of dealing with them. Their initial reaction to the break up may also be different.

Let’s look at men vs women after a breakup and how they both react to it.

Do men or women suffer more after a breakup? 

Breakups can be hard. No matter what people tell you, there is only one kind of breakup – the bad one. 

Ending an emotional connection with someone, even when it is the right thing to do, is not the easiest. However, chances are that one person in the relationship has it easier than the other.

When a relationship ends, it often becomes a thing to see who “won” the breakup. 

Winning the breakup probably means moving on sooner or not being as heartbroken as the other person. It also, often, becomes a gender thing to see if the man or the woman in the relationship has moved on sooner or won the breakup.

When it comes to men vs women after a breakup, the stereotype is that women take relationships more seriously or are likely to be more heartbroken after a breakup. However, studies show otherwise. 

A study has found that men are likely to be more heartbroken over the end of a relationship than women. Read more about it here.

Men vs women after a breakup: 10 major differences

Now that you know who is more likely to be heartbroken over a breakup, here are some differences in how men and women handle the end of a relationship.

1. Self-esteem and connection

When in a relationship, men and women derive different pleasures from it. While most men feel inflated self-esteem by being someone’s love interest, women derive a strong connection by being someone’s girlfriend.

When things turn sour and the breakup happens, both sexes feel the pain for different reasons. Breakups affect guys differently as they feel their self-esteem shattered, and women feel a lost connection.

Therefore, in men vs women after a breakup, while they both get emotional over the breakup, apart from the separation, they’re losing self-esteem and a strong connection.

2. Post-break up stress

What do women do after a breakup?

They might cry a lot. Since they have lost a connection, someone they truly loved, they might feel helpless and cry it out. 

They might even go into denial mode and sometimes refuse to accept that they’ve had a breakup. Men, however, are likely to respond differently. They may also find it hard to accept but might not show it as much.

Licensed Professional Counselor,  Relationship Coach, and Marriage Mentor Christiana Njoku says,

Both genders process breakup differently, but because men are wired not to easily express their emotions, it may be a bit difficult to show it.

They may resort to drinking or using some substance to block out their feelings. They may also retrospect a lot because finding a solid reason to explain the breakup is essential. It’s a question of their self-esteem afterward.

Related Reading: How to Survive a Breakup: 20 Tips

3. Getting mad and the desire to get them back

This is a crucial difference between men vs women breakup behavior. When men break up, they first rejoice that they will be able to do all the things their partner might have restricted them from doing, then they feel the void and later decide to get them back.

They get mad at why their partner might have left them. The fact is difficult for them to digest. However, women slowly can comprehend that they’ve had a breakup and must move on. This understanding helps them move forward in life, and they’re able to overcome it faster.

4. Handling the pain

How women and men handle the pain of a breakup can differ. Women might be more expressive about it – they might cry or talk about it and not fear admitting that they feel low or horrible about the fact that the relationship has ended.

Men, on the other hand, may not be as vocal or expressive about their pain. They may act nonchalantly as if it does not affect them when it does. This also becomes why we may find men indulging in avoidant behaviors after a breakup compared to women.

Related Reading: 20 Painful Reasons Why Love Hurts so Much

5. Time taken to move on

When it comes to men vs women after a breakup and how they handle a breakup, how long they take to move on is another consideration. 

Men are likely to take longer to move on from a breakup than women. Male psychology after a breakup is to not let themselves feel the pain or the emotions post the breakup. 

Since women let it out and feel things, they are more likely to accept the breakup and move on from it sooner.

6. Anger and resentment

Men vs women after a breakup also differ in how they hold anger and resentment against their ex-partner post a breakup. Men are known to be more angry, resentful, and vengeful. The desire to seek revenge is seen less in women, according to research. 

7. Healing process

The same study cited above has also shown the extent to which men and women can heal from a breakup and how long it takes. 

The research shows that women are likely to take longer to grieve and recover from the breakup but are likely to fare better in the long run, as compared to men. Men might never completely recover from a breakup, partly because of how a man handles a breakup. 

8. Effect on self-worth

Men vs women after a breakup also differ in how they are affected by it, especially how it affects their self-worth and self-confidence.

Men are likely to view breakups as evidence that they are not attractive enough or are not worthy of love. 

Women, however, are likely to view it differently. Even if they feel this way, they are likely to put much effort into being better and channel the hurt into getting fitter or upskilling in their career.

9. Embracing and accepting the feelings

Another difference between men and women’s handling of a breakup is how they embrace or accept their feelings. Men have more trouble embracing and accepting their feelings after a breakup. 

They try to shut out the thoughts in their heads for as long as possible, which also delays the phase of acceptance of the breakup.

Female psychology after a breakup is to feel their feelings and, therefore, might end up accepting the end of the relationship sooner than men.

10. Ability to seek help

Another difference between men vs women after a breakup is the ability to seek help. Women might be okay with telling their friends they need help getting through this tough time. Men, however, find it difficult to seek help from their support system.

This also holds true for professional help. How women deal with breakups is by being more open to seeking help from a relationship therapist post a breakup, as compared to men.

As per expert Christiana Njoku,

When it comes to reaching out for help, trust women on seeking help faster after a breakup compared to men.

Watch this video if you are looking for help dealing with a breakup:

Which gender gets over a breakup faster?

Getting over a breakup is a long process, and it might not happen for either of the genders overnight.

Who gets over a breakup faster?

Research has shown that women may be the ones to get over the breakup first. While they may hurt more than their male partners because the belief is that women are more emotionally invested in relationships, they may be the ones to move on first.

Who hurts more after a breakup?

This does not mean that either of the genders hurt any less by the breakup. However, the way women and men handle a breakup is different. Women’s ability to handle the breakup a certain way might be why they move on first or get over it faster.

Some commonly asked questions 

Here are some frequently asked questions about breakups and how men and women handle them.

• At what point do most breakups happen?

Research shows that about 70 percent of straight, unmarried couples usually break up within the first year of the relationship. 

This may be because people can only keep a certain pretense for a few months. During the first year of the relationship, the reality of each person’s personality or behavior may start to show, and then people realize that this is not something they want or are looking for.

• Who is more likely to end a relationship?

Reports suggest that women are more likely to end dating relationships. It also shows that even if it is men who break up, women are more likely to have anticipated the breakup already.

The takeaway

Breakups are not easy – not when they happen or when you have to deal with what is left behind by the person you shared your life with. 

Getting over a breakup, in no way, is a competition that needs to be won. It does not matter whether women or men grieve more after the breakup or move on sooner.

It is vital to know that every person has a different journey with grief and loss, and it is okay to take your time to heal before you move on or feel like putting yourself out there again.

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How can I accept the end of my relationship and move on?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

Tell yourself that the relationship is complete, and focus on yourself. Set new goals, try something you've always wanted to try, and make time for self-care. Remind yourself that your best days are yet to come, and moving on from this relationship may be the first step in finding the person you're meant to be with.

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