7 Reasons to Say Yes to the 30-Day Sex Challenge

After the first few months of dating, intimacy tends to fade for many couples. It is rare for a relationship that starts with strong emotional and physical intimacy to maintain that level past the six-month mark.

Over time, the connection often slips away, and what was once exciting begins to feel routine.

For the last 28 years, number one best-selling author, counselor, and life coach David Essel has been helping individuals stay connected through intimacy, sex, and communication to create the best relationships possible.

What is the 30-day sex challenge?

Whether your sex life has dwindled or is simply uninspired, David offers a bold challenge that could dramatically shift your connection. Make love every day for the next 30 days.

“I want you to make love to your partner every day for the next 30 days. That is it. That is your homework. Pretty damn good homework, or what?”

Even if it means scheduling it, arranging childcare, or being more intentional—do it.

• What if the challenge feels difficult?

“I know, through working with clients in the past, that when they took this challenge and completed it, their love life, their intimacy, and their belief in the power of their relationship increased dramatically.”

However, do not be surprised if this challenge stirs up hidden tensions. Maybe your partner switches the time, and you feel irritable. That could be a sign that something deeper is going on. In that case, David advises couples to seek counseling.

If you have no sex drive, no known resentments, and perfect communication, it might be time to explore hormonal health with a professional. Hormonal imbalances can play a significant role in libido.

“This should be exciting. It should be a joy. If it turns into drudgery, it is not the sex that is the issue—it is what is underneath. And usually, that is resentment.”

What does it mean to create a deeper intimacy?

David challenges couples to pursue a depth of intimacy that most people never consider. In his words:

“I remember one of the most fulfilling relationships I ever had was with a woman who desired to be intimate and sexual with me as much as I did with her. After a year of dating, it felt like we had just met. It was so rare, so unique, that I wanted to share what this kind of relationship looked like. So I did.”

In every lecture he gave—even in the 1990s—David found a way to talk about how incredible their intimate life was and how it deepened the bond between them. While that relationship eventually ended, the memory of it remains powerful.

“It made me reflect on how beautiful it was to have someone in your life that you made love to every day of the month. Did you read what I just said? How powerful it was to make love to someone every day of the month.”

7 reasons to say yes to the 30-day sex challenge

This is not just about sex. The sex for 30 days challenge is about rebuilding closeness, reigniting passion, and breaking away from the routine that relationships can so easily fall into.

Saying yes to daily intimacy might sound like a stretch, but it opens space for emotional healing, stronger bonds, and honest communication. If your connection feels like it is fading—or if you simply want to deepen it—this challenge could be the reset button you did not know you needed.

1. It increases the release of oxytocin

Sex naturally boosts oxytocin, the hormone that strengthens emotional and physical bonding. With daily intimacy, this hormone gets activated more often, helping couples feel more connected and in sync.

Research highlight: Studies show that oxytocin, often referred to as the love hormone, is released during sex and further heightened by skin-to-skin contact. This powerful hormone deepens feelings of attachment, making couples feel closer after intimacy. Oxytocin induces feelings of contentment, calmness, and security—emotions closely tied to the bonding process between partners.

Over time, it becomes less about the act and more about the closeness it creates. That is what makes the 30-day sex challenge so powerful. It supports emotional repair without needing to say a word.

How to approach it

• Her: “I know it is just day four, but I already feel more relaxed around you. It is like my body trusts you more.”
• Him: “I feel that too. There is something calming about being close like this every day—it is easier to let my guard down.”

That gentle comfort is one of the most underrated parts of intimacy. Daily touch becomes reassurance, not a demand. It is a rhythm of feeling seen and safe.

2. It helps you prioritize your relationship

To follow through with sex every day, you have to make the relationship a top priority. Whether it means rearranging your schedule, setting aside alone time, or being intentional about affection, it forces you to show up daily.

That kind of effort sends a message—not just to your partner, but to yourself—that this relationship matters. The 30-day sex challenge becomes a shared commitment, not just a physical one.

How to approach it

• Him: “Let us skip one episode tonight. I want to be present with you.”
• Her: “That means more than you know. Thank you for making this time for us.”

Sometimes, it is not about grand gestures—it is about tiny shifts. A small sacrifice says you are important, and consistency builds emotional equity.

3. It improves mood and boosts immunity

The sex-for-30-days challenge is not only good for connection—it is also good for your body. Orgasms release dopamine, serotonin, and GABA, all of which support mental clarity and elevate mood.

Research highlight: Results from research indicate that individuals who remained sexually active reported lower levels of anxiety and depression. Factors such as gender, sexual activity, and living without a partner were found to significantly impact mental health outcomes, influencing overall anxiety and depression levels.

These chemicals also help your immune system function more effectively. That means you are not just growing closer—you are actually getting healthier together.

How to approach it

• Her: “I did not realize how much better I sleep after we are close like that.”
• Him: “Me too. It is like all the stress melts off my shoulders.”

Better health, better sleep, better moods—when intimacy is regular, these benefits ripple through daily life. It becomes easier to face challenges as a team.

4. It encourages better communication

You cannot be intimate every day without talking about it. Whether it is about preferences, timing, or comfort levels, the challenge invites open conversations.

Even small requests can lead to big breakthroughs. If something feels off, it becomes easier to bring it up. That kind of honesty often spills over into other areas of the relationship, too.

How to approach it

• Him: “Would it be okay if we tried something different tonight?”
• Her: “Absolutely. I love that we are talking about this so openly now.”

When you normalize curiosity and kindness in communication, you take the pressure off. That openness does not just improve your sex life—it transforms the emotional climate.

5. It helps uncover hidden tension

Sometimes, resistance to the challenge says more than we think. If you or your partner feel irritated, avoidant, or frustrated, it may not be about sex at all.

These moments can shine a light on deeper issues—like resentment, insecurity, or unspoken needs. The 30-day sex challenge becomes a mirror, showing what needs attention underneath the surface.

How to approach it

• Her: “I got so frustrated earlier, and I think it is because I felt like you were not really present.”
• Him: “Thank you for saying that. I did not realize I was holding back.”

These moments of vulnerability are uncomfortable, but they are necessary. What begins as a physical pause can open the door to deeper emotional repair.

6. It creates space for fun and variety

Thirty days of anything can get repetitive—unless you get creative. This is where 30-day sex challenge ideas or even a 30-day sex challenge list​ can help.

Exploring different times, locations, or approaches adds surprise and playfulness to your connection. It turns intimacy into something to look forward to rather than something to check off.

How to approach it

• Him: “Want to try something on our 30-day sex challenge list​ tonight?”
• Her: “Yes! Let us pick something new. I am kind of loving this adventure.”

When both partners lean into playfulness, it reduces pressure and revives excitement. It is a reminder that fun belongs in long-term love, too.

7. It deepens the emotional and spiritual connection

Beyond the physical, daily intimacy has the potential to bring couples closer emotionally and spiritually. It can be grounding, healing, and even transformative.

Making love regularly has a way of softening defenses and rebuilding trust. The 30-day sex challenge, when approached with intention, can open up a kind of closeness that many couples forget is even possible.

How to approach it

• Her: “I do not know how to explain it, but I feel like we are rediscovering something sacred.”
• Him: “Yeah, it is more than just sex—it feels like we are choosing each other again every day.”

The beauty of intentional intimacy is that it reawakens what once felt effortless. This connection is not just restored—it is reimagined.

Watch this video where Dr. David Hawkins helps you learn ways to build a deeper connection with your partner:

What if your partner refuses the challenge?

“If your partner shoots it down, I would still recommend seeing a counselor. Even if they say no, do the work yourself to learn how to handle the rejection.”

Sometimes, it is not the message—it is the tone, the timing, or how the idea is framed. Even sharing this article might help your partner understand the intent behind the challenge.

It’s important to communicate openly about why you want to try the challenge and how it could benefit the relationship, but always be respectful of their feelings and boundaries.

The bottom line

“This world needs more intimacy. More sex. More communication. And more bonding in relationships.”

Daily intimacy can serve as a powerful tool for rekindling connection and deepening emotional ties. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your bond or reignite passion, taking the 30-day sex challenge can be a transformative experience.

It encourages growth, vulnerability, and open communication, helping couples reconnect in ways that go beyond physical touch. If approached with intention and care, it can foster the kind of closeness and trust that every relationship deserves.

So, why not take the challenge and see where it leads?

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David Essel Counselor

David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy,... Read more Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere. Read less

(David Essel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)