7 Things You Should Know About Dating Someone Who Is Aegosexual

Dating is full of little discoveries—some exciting, some confusing, and some that challenge what we thought we knew about connection. Sometimes, someone might open up and say something that makes you pause… “I’m not into sexual activity, even if I’m turned on.”

It might sound contradictory at first—but it is not. It is just different. And real. Everyone experiences attraction differently; for some, it is deeply private, separate from what they want to do with a partner. Being close, feeling love, craving companionship—none are off the table.

They just might look a little different when someone identifies as aegosexual. The key is not to assume, not to fix, not to take it personally. Just listen. And try to understand where they are coming from—because that space and that care is where real connection begins.

What does it mean to be aegosexual?

Aegosexuality is one of those things that might not make total sense at first—until you pause, really listen, and try to see the experience through someone else’s lens.

The aegosexual meaning centers on feeling sexual arousal or interest, but not wanting to be part of the sexual activity itself. It is not about rejection or distance—it is just how some people are wired.

So, what is aegosexuality, really?

It is when someone can enjoy the idea of something intimate, maybe even fantasize, but not want to act on it in real life. And that is completely okay. Everyone’s relationship with desire is personal… and valid.

7 things you should know about dating someone who is aegosexual

Dating someone who is aegosexual might feel unfamiliar at first, especially if you are used to linking intimacy with physical closeness. But the truth is—there is no one right way to feel or express attraction.

Aegosexual individuals can love deeply, care immensely, and feel emotionally connected… while still experiencing arousal in a more detached, personal way. It is not about withholding; it is about honoring how they experience desire.

With understanding, kindness, and open-hearted communication, your relationship can still feel whole—just shaped a little differently.

1. Sexual arousal does not equal participation

Someone who is aegosexual may feel aroused but have no desire to act on it. Their experience of arousal is often internal and separate from shared intimacy. It is not about teasing or withholding—it is just how they process desire, and that is completely valid.

This can be confusing at first, especially if you associate arousal with action. However, for them, the line between internal experiences and outward expression is drawn differently.

• What to do instead

Respect that arousal does not mean they want physical intimacy. Ask what feels safe and comfortable for them. Avoid pushing or persuading.

Be open to finding other ways to express closeness, like emotional intimacy, quality time, or thoughtful acts that build connection without pressure. Let your partner lead the pace, and reassure them that your bond is not dependent on physical engagement.

2. Romantic attraction can still be present

Aegosexuality does not cancel out romance. Many aegosexual people experience deep love, crave companionship, and enjoy romantic gestures. They might express affection through words, emotional support, or shared moments.

The desire for closeness is still there—it just might not include sexual engagement. Their way of loving may feel quieter or slower, but it is no less real or meaningful.

• What to do instead

Nurture romance through non-sexual ways—write loving notes, plan meaningful dates, or cuddle if they enjoy it. Ask what makes them feel connected, and share your preferences too.

Keep the focus on mutual emotional intimacy rather than expecting a shift in sexual interest. Celebrate their romantic side in the ways they naturally express it—it may be gentle, but it runs deep.

3. Fantasy and reality are often separate

Aegosexual individuals may enjoy fantasy or erotic media without wanting real-life sexual activity. Fantasy is a private, controlled space—they might feel mentally aroused without wanting to act on those feelings.

That separation is a natural part of their experience, not a contradiction. It is not dishonesty or mixed signals—it is simply how their mind engages with desire. Understanding this can help you avoid unnecessary conflict or insecurity.

• What to do instead

Do not assume fantasy is an invitation. Instead, gently ask what kinds of conversations or sharing feel okay. Respect their privacy and boundaries.

Focus on building trust so they feel safe expressing what they enjoy mentally without the pressure to act it out. Make space for them to share without expecting a physical outcome—just listen and appreciate their openness.

4. Boundaries around physical intimacy are crucial

Touch and sexual contact may be limited or unwanted. Aegosexual people often have clear personal boundaries—and honoring them is key. Some may enjoy certain types of touch, while others may not.

Their comfort level is not about rejection; it is simply their truth. When these boundaries are respected, trust and emotional connection often deepen naturally.

• What to do instead

Ask before initiating touch. Questions like “Can I hug you?” or “Do you want to be close right now?” can go a long way.

Be patient, accept “no” without frustration, and offer closeness through other forms—words, actions, or just presence. Your willingness to pause and respect their limits can make them feel seen, safe, and truly valued.

5. They might feel isolated or misunderstood

Because aegosexuality is rarely talked about, many people feel unseen or misjudged. Your partner might carry past experiences where they felt rejected or invalidated.

That sense of being “too different” can create emotional walls—even if they truly want connection and love. It can take time to unlearn that fear of being misunderstood. Being a safe space for them matters more than you might realize.

• What to do instead

Offer consistent reassurance that they are enough, exactly as they are. Tell them their identity is valid and that you care about understanding them.

Listen without judgment, and let them set the pace when sharing deeper parts of their experience. Small signs of acceptance—like remembering their boundaries or validating their emotions—build lasting trust.

6. Non-sexual forms of intimacy become more important

When sexual activity is not part of the relationship, other forms of closeness carry more weight. Holding hands, deep talks, shared rituals, or small acts of care become essential.

Love does not disappear without sex—it finds new ways to express itself. These quiet, loving actions may feel even more powerful because they are so intentional. Every gesture can carry meaning when it is rooted in thoughtfulness.

• What to do instead

Create new bonding rituals—read together, cook a favorite meal, and give each other small surprises. Ask what makes them feel seen and loved. Be present and engaged in shared moments, even if they are quiet.

Let your relationship be defined by emotional presence, not physical milestones—it is about the care you give and receive each day.

7. Communication is your strongest tool

Clear, respectful communication helps avoid misunderstanding. Your partner may not always have the words, especially if they are still exploring their identity. But honest, pressure-free dialogue creates safety.

Aegosexuality is not one-size-fits-all, so check-ins are key to keeping your connection strong. It is okay not to get everything right at first—what matters is your effort to keep learning.

• What to do instead

Use open-ended questions like “How are you feeling about this?” or “What works for you?”

Share your thoughts gently, and be open to learning. Have regular check-ins about comfort and boundaries. Leave space for silence, too—sometimes, just holding space is the most loving thing you can do.

Watch this video where Steph Anya, LMFT, helps you learn about having good communication in a relationship:

Can you have a fulfilling relationship with an aegosexual partner?

A relationship with an aegosexual partner can be deeply fulfilling—just in its own beautiful, intentional way. It may not follow the usual script, but that is what makes it special.

When emotional safety, honesty, and mutual respect are at the heart of the connection, love can thrive without relying on sexual expression.

You might find fulfillment in:

– Slow, steady emotional intimacy

– Shared rituals and inside jokes

– Feeling truly seen and accepted

– Cuddles, hand-holding… or simply sitting in comfortable silence

It is not about what is missing—it is about what is there. The laughter, the warmth, the trust. With the right communication and care, that bond can grow into something rare and quietly powerful… something real.

In a few words

Love does not have to follow a single path to be meaningful. Dating someone who is aegosexual may invite you to slow down, listen differently, and discover new forms of intimacy that are just as deep—just expressed in quieter ways.

It is not about fixing, changing, or expecting more. It is about understanding who they are, as they are, and showing up with respect and care.

The journey may look different, but the love can be just as strong—sometimes stronger—because it is built on patience, honesty, and choice. That kind of connection is rare… and worth holding onto.