Divorce is not a new concept in most modern households but still the effects of divorce don’t seem to fade away with time. It encompasses the dramatic experiences, long legal battles and psychological torture on children among other negative effects, which destabilizes the lives all the involved parties. The good news is that you have the power to have a healthy separation for a smooth transition without affecting the fundamentals of the family relations while you seek to restore the marriage. Let’s see how this can be made possible?
1. Treat your partner with love as you maintain respect
Your action during this time determines whether the marriage ends or gets restored. Treat your spouse like a business partner by answering mails, receiving phone calls and reply to text messages. It is not a time to talk ill of each other. Your aim is to give yourself space to reflect without their influence. If there are children, then be part of their journeys of life. Attend their marriage ceremonies, graduation parties, birthday parties among the other things. It gives them a sense of belonging even if you do not live under one roof. Let them know that they can reach out to both the parents at will without fear.
2. Don’t make significant decisions without your spouse
The bitterness of separation tempts one to make a hasty decision with an aim of showing might or revenge. “I can live without you”, it is not the right time for all this. If you are to withdraw huge sums of money from your joint account, discuss it and have an agreement. You want to take the children for a holiday outside the continent, be in agreement with your spouse if it is possible and then communicate the source of finance for the trip. This builds trust in the relationship– a good step in restoring the marriage.
3. Define the direction of the marriage
Yes, you are living separately; of course, you made the decision with sobriety. This is the time you realize some of the goals and set timelines of the separation are not practical. With the help of a professional, let it be clear whether you want a divorce, separation marriage or marriage restoration. Depending on the complexity of your challenges, weigh all the options and start working towards it. At the initial stages, disagreements are inevitable, but with the help of a counselor, you will have a structured guideline to go through it smoothly.
4. Have a legal practitioner
You are in dispute, how do you divide your assets? What are the rights of a partner who lives with the children? It is difficult for the two of you to come to an agreement for selfish reasons. Get a reputable and a non-partisan lawyer who understands your in-depth issues and prioritizes your interests. Use time-tested and proven referrals.
5. Involve a health professional
The legal professional only handles the law in relation to assets and can compel a partner to be responsible. How will you deal with the emotional stress because of unresolved differences as well as the traumatizing experiences in the separation period? With different human morphology, you need a counselor to give you tips on how to handle the situation, if the issues are so deep that they affect your mental health, then a psychiatrist is vital to aid your ailing mind.
6. Avoid a new intimate relationship
Loneliness, bitterness, anger and lack of a companion might tempt you to start a new relationship. This escalates the complexity of the issue leading to the withdrawal of financial support or making progress on whether you want to restore the marriage even if it is a platonic relationship. Until you have made a decision on the marriage, you have the power to still restore it, if both of you have a good willpower. A new partner a few months into the separation distracts your mind from focusing on the goals of separation. What else do you have to discuss about your marriage when one is in a new relationship? – The thought of a replaced spouse.
7. Initiate the reconciliation process immediately
Prolonged silence after a separation gives room for uncertainty enhancing tension which further builds mistrust on the will of conflict resolution. Immediately after the separation, involve the relevant parties in a bid to gain full control of your relationship to monitor the cognitive thought process of your spouse. The silence allows the mind to wander and plan to counter the current situation.
These seven steps have the power to resolve the complex issues in your marriage to achieve healthy separation goals faster rather than opt for divorce.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.