A dying spark in a marriage is not a fun thing to face but most marriages can hit the rocks and the spark that once was there can begin to fizzle out – it’s just that people don’t always like to talk about it.
It’s like the elephant in the room – you fall in love, get engaged, get married and unless you’ve attended marriage preparation counseling, you may have no inclination nor desire to stop and think about the probable reality that at some point during your marriage you’ll be asking ‘how can I revive my marriage?’.
A surprising assumption that most married couples face
The fact that many and most couples experience this problem is good news though.
It means that if many marriages last – which they do, then the problem of figuring out how to revive your marriage should be a temporary and relatively normal situation to deal with.
So if your marriage is a little on the stagnant side, and you are asking yourself ‘how can I revive my marriage’ fear not, you are not alone. Your marriage might just be one of the many marriages on the brink of new territories in your relationship.
You might find a way for you and your spouse as lovers, as well as husband and wife to find a new slightly more exclusive spark.
In other words, if you are asking ‘how can I revive my marriage?’ chances are you are not heading for a break-up, but instead, you are moving into a new phase in your relationship.
It’s one that many don’t acknowledge exists but one that will be extremely rewarding if you can make it there.
How do you go about reviving your marriage?
Well, the first step is to discuss the situation with your spouse.
Instead of fearing a break-up or expecting an all doomsday-esque situation, why not discuss the idea that your relationship has moved into new territory and that you both need to figure out how to navigate it.
After all, you don’t want to be that couple who lets it get the better of them and allows it to stagnate your marriage.
If your spouse responds willingly, then it’s time to explore opportunities to brighten up your marriage – think of it as a spring clean!
If your spouse doesn’t seem to be interested, then it might be worth waiting a while and then perhaps after a week or two, consider holding a follow-up discussion. Tell your spouse you are unhappy in your marriage as it is, you think there is an opportunity to make things great again, but it needs both of you to do it.
If there’s no reason, perhaps you need to move slower and have the conversations over time. But an evening walk, instead of a night on the sofa might be a good way to instigate some investment on your spouses part.
The above is an excellent way to approach the topic of reviving your marriage, but there are many more strategies available too such as learning about the Gottman Approach to relationships.
Aside from the discussion, you will have as you are probably wondering about other ways that you can revive your marriage.
21 ways to answer your question, ‘how can I revive my marriage?’
Here are some ideas to get you started.
- Accept you’ve moved into a new undiscovered phase of the relationship and enjoy it
- Switch up your routine
- Enjoy evening or weekend walks together
- Do something together that you wouldn’t usually do
- Don’t be afraid to discuss your sex life and how you can grow together intimately and sexually
- Pay attention to how you treat each other and treat each other good
- Discuss the important stuff
Aside from the conversation about reviving your marriage, it’s time to stop and think about all of the other things that you might not discuss or do together such as –
- Paying each other compliments
- Expressing gratitude
- Committing to spending quality time together
- Considering how you communicate with each other and consciously trying to improve it
- Being kind
- Forgiving each other
- Paying attention to your reactions to your spouse and adjusting them to improve your relationship and to present the best version of you!
- Talking about sexually related topics
- Pray together
- Learn how to handle conflict well
- Plan your goals together – create some rituals, or personal anniversaries that you maintain
- Develop joint interests
- Find independent interests
- Discuss your marriage, relationship, and plan together how you will switch things up
- Learning to listen to each other
It’s a sad notion that many potentially long-lasting and fulfilling marriages might hit the rocks and never come back from it.
This is merely because social conditioning or assumptions lead us to think that we are on the verge of breaking up instead of being on the edge of new unchartered and beautiful territory in your relationship.
If you find yourself asking ‘how can I revive my marriage?’, Switch your mindset so that you see this phase of your marriage as an opportunity, a promotion of sorts that you and your spouse need to learn how to navigate.
Do this and use the tips above, and watch how your marriage blossoms.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.