Whether you’re a woman who’s interested in dating other women, or you’re just curious about sex in general, you probably have questions about lesbian sex.
“Lesbian sex” is a pretty broad term, but most people mean “sex between two women” when they use the term, even if the women involved might be bisexual or pansexual rather than lesbians.
Most of the time, the only images we see of lesbian sex come from porn, which (as with all sex) isn’t the greatest place to learn.
Read on for answers to 7 questions about lesbian sex and find out about things you always wanted to ask but were too embarrassed:
1. What do two women do in bed anyway?
The simple answer is, lesbian sex is as varied as sex between partners of any gender.
People have their preferences, and there is no specific set of activities that equals “lesbian sex” for every couple. Some lesbians use strap-ons or, in the case of some trans lesbians with penises, “big cocks” for penetrative sex.
Oral sex features prominently in the sex lives of many lesbians.
Kissing, stroking, cuddling, mutual masturbation, BDSM – lesbian sex runs the same gamut that heterosexual sex or sex between men runs.
It really depends on the people involved.
2. What’s the deal with scissoring?
This is probably at the top of questions about lesbian sex that people always want to ask.
Scissoring, more correctly called tribbing (short for tribadism), often seems like a mythical lesbian sex act. Many queer women are even confused by how you’re supposed to do it.
Essentially, scissoring or tribbing involves stimulation of your partner’s clitoris and vulva with any part of your body other than hands or mouth – thigh, vulva, arm, as you move against each other.
It’s often a case of mutual stimulation, and the friction and pressure are what feels good.
This can take place in any position. You don’t have to emulate an actual pair of scissors unless you want to and are flexible enough! – so don’t think too hard about it.
3. Which one of you is the guy?
Neither person involved in lesbian sex is “the guy” unless that person also identifies as a “guy” outside the bedroom.
Our scripts for sex in Western culture are very heteronormative which is based on the idea of sex between a man and a woman. It is the only “right” way and thus all other sex must try to mirror heterosexual sex.
Even if a woman is using a strap-on to penetrate her partner (or is a trans woman using her own penis), that woman is not “the guy” during lesbian sex.
Lesbian couples negotiate gender in a lot of different ways, both in the bedroom and outside of it, but there doesn’t need to be a “guy” and a “girl” in any of those places.
4. How common is oral sex?
About as common as in heterosexual relationships, if not more so. That said, not all lesbian couples engage in oral sex every time they have sex, or even at all.
Oral sex is either cunnilingus (oral stimulation of the vulva and clitoris) or analingus (oral stimulation of the anus and perineum). It is a great way to give pleasure and bring on those multiple orgasms many women experience.
5. Lesbian sex is automatically “safe sex,” right?
No, no, no! While transmission of some STIs, especially HIV, is much less likely between women (especially between cisgender women), it’s still possible to contract at STI through lesbian sex.
It’s a common misconception that you don’t need to use protection during lesbian sex, but it’s just as important to play safe as it is in other forms of sex.
Dental dams, latex or vinyl gloves, and condoms should definitely be used, especially with a new partner.
6. What’s fisting? Do people really do that?
Fisting is the practice of inserting one’s whole hand, gradually, into your partner’s vagina (or anus, but typically in lesbian couples, it’s vaginal).
This can bring intense pleasure, but it can also cause damage to the vaginal walls if done improperly. It’s definitely not for everyone, and not every lesbian or queer woman has done it or wants to do it.
If you want to explore fisting, there are good guides out there in book form and on the web.
Long story short – use lots of lube, go slow, and check in with your partner.
7. How do you know when you’re “done”?
Unlike heterosexual sex, which usually ends when the man ejaculates, lesbian sex doesn’t have a logical “end point.”
Studies show that lesbians have sex for longer per session than their straight counterparts, and the ability of most women to have multiple orgasms means that sex can keep going and going and going.
Essentially, lesbian sex concludes when both partners have gotten what they hoped to get – orgasms and closeness. Both partners don’t have to orgasm, though they often do.
Each couple and each session has its own point of being “done.” Essentially, lesbian sex is done when everyone involved says so.