17 Ways on How to Help a Friend Through a Breakup

Have you ever felt helpless watching a close friend grapple with a breakup? 

You see their pain, the tears, the emotional rollercoaster, and you desperately want to offer support but feel unsure of the best way to help.

Breakups are brutal. They can leave people feeling lost, confused, and utterly heartbroken. During this vulnerable time, having a supportive friend can be a lifeline.

Just being there – a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or a distraction in the form of shared laughter – can provide a much-needed sense of comfort. Your unwavering presence and empathy will be crucial as your friend walks through this difficult time.

Some crave constant companionship, while others need space to process their emotions. The key to knowing how to help a friend through a breakup is to be patient and understanding, offering support tailored to their individual needs.

Why is a friend’s support necessary during a breakup?

Imagine your friend just went through a breakup. At first, they are in denial, convinced it’s just a temporary split. You sit with them, offering gentle reminders of reality.

Then comes the anger, and they vent their frustrations. You listen patiently, without judgment, letting them express their feelings. 

During the bargaining phase, they start second-guessing their actions and wondering what could have been done differently. Your reassurance helps ease their mind.

As depression sets in, they feel lost and alone. Your presence provides comfort and reduces their sense of isolation. At last, acceptance begins to dawn, and your encouragement helps them see a hopeful future.

Your support is crucial through each stage, making this tough journey a bit more bearable for them.

5 ways to understand your friend’s needs during the breakup

When your friend is going through a breakup, it can be difficult to understand their needs and offer the right support.

Here are 5 ways to understand your friend’s needs during a breakup and ensure they feel heard and cared for.

1. Pay attention to their cues

Observe how your friends react and what they say. If they seem withdrawn, they might need space. If they’re venting a lot, they might need someone to listen.

By paying attention to these cues, you can better understand how to comfort someone after a breakup. This attentive approach shows that you care about their specific needs and are ready to support them in the way they prefer.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says

A friend might not want to ‘burden’ you with bringing up that they are struggling with a breakup. Therefore, it’s important to check up on them frequently.

2. Ask open-ended questions

Instead of assuming what your friend needs, ask open-ended questions to get a better sense of their feelings. 

Questions like, “How are you holding up?” or “What can I do to help?” allow them to express their needs and emotions freely. This can be crucial in helping a friend through a breakup, encouraging them to share their thoughts and feelings without pressure.

3. Respect their coping mechanisms

Everyone has their own way of dealing with a breakup. Some might want to talk it out, while others may prefer distractions like movies or outings. 

Respect your friend’s chosen coping mechanisms, even if they differ from what you think is best. This respect is vital in understanding how to help a friend through a breakup, as it honors their personal process and helps them feel more comfortable.

4. Be patient and present

Breakups can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and your friend’s needs might change from day to day. Be patient with their mood swings and remain a steady presence in their life. 

Consistency is key in helping a friend through a breakup, as it shows that you’re there for them no matter what. This patience and presence provide a reliable source of support they can count on.

5. Encourage them to express their feelings

Sometimes, your friend might hold back their emotions to avoid burdening you. Encourage them to express their feelings openly, reassuring them that it’s okay to be vulnerable. Let them know that sharing their pain can be a step toward healing.

Maggie Martinez further adds,

When your friend talks about their feelings regarding a breakup, this shows that they are processing and are one step closer to feeling better.

Understanding how to comfort someone after a breakup often involves creating a safe space for emotional expression and helping your friend feel less alone in their journey.

What to say and avoid saying to a friend going through a breakup

Seeing your friend heartbroken can be difficult, especially if you don’t know what to say to a friend going through a breakup.

So, what do you say to a friend going through a breakup? Certain words can lift the spirit of your friend, and these may include:

• You’re not going through this alone; I am here for you.
• This experience doesn’t define you, nor does it reflect on you in any way.
• It’s okay if you’re still hurting; don’t rush the recovery process.
• There is no right way to grieve; I’m here for you, whatever you need to get better.
• If you feel like texting your ex, text me instead.

However, there are some things you shouldn’t say to someone going through a heartbreak, and they may include 

• You need to put yourself out there and start dating or have a rebound.
• You will fall in love again soon and forget all about your ex.
• I understand what you’re going through, but I got over mine and met someone really good. It will soon be your turn.
• Breaking up isn’t such a bad thing; enjoy your single life. You will be much happier staying single.
• There is no need to cry over spilled milk. Stop thinking of your ex and move on. 

17 practical ways to help a friend through a breakup

Breakups can be difficult, and this is when a friend will need you more than ever. However, you don’t have to be caught unaware; you should know how to support a friend going through a breakup.

So, do you want to know how to help a friend through a breakup? Follow these effective tips:

1. Listen 

Helping a friend through a breakup entails listening to them. 

Irrespective of how long your friend was in the relationship, they will likely want to talk about their feelings after a breakup. Your role as a friend is that of a listener.

At this stage, your friend doesn’t need your advice but somebody who can listen to them. For instance, if your friend starts crying over coffee, just let them express their feelings without interrupting.

2. Be empathetic

Comforting a friend after a breakup is not difficult if you know the proper steps. A true friendship extends beyond being available during the good and bad times.

So try to be patient with your friend even if they tell the same story repeatedly. They are just trying to work through their feelings.

Instead, be empathetic and allow them to vent their feelings. For example, if they keep repeating how hurt they feel, just listen and validate their emotions..

3. Remind them they aren’t at fault 

After a breakup, most people are likely to blame themselves and feel they could have done something differently. So, remind your friend constantly that the breakup wasn’t their fault.

A failed relationship can’t be one person’s fault; after all, it takes two to make a relationship work. Remind them that they didn’t set themselves up for failure and can’t put the blame on themselves. 

For example, if they keep saying, “It’s all my fault,” reassure them that it takes two to tango.

4. Phrase your words appropriately 

Be careful of what you say when comforting a friend after a breakup. Instead, be sympathetic with your words, and don’t force them to go out and start dating again. Also, don’t tell them there are many people out there, and they shouldn’t cry over spilled milk. 

It is a very sensitive time for them; they don’t need empty but compassionate words. For instance, if they are crying, avoid saying, “Plenty of fish in the sea,” and instead say, “I’m here for you.”

5. Engage your friend 

You aren’t there only to listen but to engage your friend in the conversation. Consoling a friend after a breakup is more than lending a listening ear.

Don’t let them feel like they are talking to a brick wall; ask questions and comfort them during the conversations.

The aim is to make your friend feel understood. For instance, acknowledge what your friend is going through and validate their feelings rather than downplay them.

6. It is about them, not you

Do not make their breakup about you by comparing the situation to your previous breakup. Please do not assume you know what they are going through because you have been there before. People react to situations differently.

Also, your friend might feel you’re stealing their thunder by making their situation about you. For example, if they are sharing their pain, avoid saying, “I went through the same thing,” and instead say, “Tell me more about how you’re feeling.”

7. Ask them how you can help

How you will need to be comforted during a breakup can differ from your friend’s. So, you should offer practical help. You can start by asking, “How can I help”?

Your friend might need their space or need a listening ear. They might also need you to block their ex or prevent them from texting their ex. For example, if they seem unsure, offer specific suggestions like, “Do you need help with anything today?”

8. Don’t insult your friend’s ex

You don’t have to insult your friend’s ex to comfort them. Your purpose is to comfort your friend, and you mustn’t do this at the expense of their ex. Insulting the ex can also invalidate your friend’s relationship, which isn’t advisable.

Instead, focus on listening and providing support without bringing negativity into the conversation. Your friend needs empathy and understanding, not additional conflict. For example, if they express anger towards their ex, listen without adding fuel to the fire.

9. Let them have quality alone time

Spending quality time alone is beneficial as it helps refresh a person’s mental and physical well-being. Advise your friend to spend some time alone to consider the next move and reflect on their decisions. 

Although speaking to someone about your problems and seeking advice is beneficial, the choice is yours alone. 

When surrounded by different opinions, it’s hard to distinguish what you want from other people’s views. For instance, suggest activities like a solo walk in the park to help them clear their mind.

10. Take them out

If you want to make your friend feel better after a breakup, you can suggest they go out.

Don’t let them be cooped up in their house for months. Instead, ask them for the occasional night out or even a trip. This is also a good way to distract them from thinking about their ex.

A night out doesn’t mean getting overly drunk or searching for a rebound. Instead, it can simply entail hanging out with friends over wine and laughter. For example, invite them to a casual dinner or a movie night to get them out of the house.

11. Allow your friend to grieve

Everybody’s grieving process is different, and interrupting your friend’s process is counter-productive. Also, don’t tell them how long they can grieve or give them a timeline.

Just be present when they need you and accept that your friend needs to go through their breakup on their terms. 

Respecting their emotional journey helps them process their feelings naturally and heal at their own pace. For example, if they need to cry for days, let them know it’s okay to take their time.

12. Let your friend vent

Don’t discourage your friend from expressing anger. On the contrary, encourage them to let it all out. Suppressing their anger may be unhealthy and might make it difficult for them to move on.

Venting can be a therapeutic release, helping them process their emotions more effectively and preventing bottled-up feelings from causing further distress. 

For instance, if they need to scream or punch a pillow, let them know it’s a normal part of healing.

13. Don’t advise them to rush into another relationship

After a breakup, they should heal before entering another relationship. Do not persuade them to get a rebound to cope with their hurt. Advise them to take things slowly and carve out time for themselves to recover.

Rushing into a new relationship can lead to unresolved emotions and potential future issues, but taking time to heal can encourage genuine emotional recovery, making it one of the best advice for someone going through a breakup.

Maggie Martinez comments,

Remind your friend that jumping into another relationship right after a breakup can cause prolonged healing.

For example, encourage them to focus on self-care and personal growth before dating again.

14. Surprise them

To help a friend through a breakup, surprise them with gifts and chocolate or whatever they like to brighten up their day. Even visiting randomly to check up on them will make them feel less alone and hopeful.

Small, thoughtful gestures show that you care and can significantly lift their spirits during a difficult time. For example, drop by with their favorite snack or a thoughtful card to show you’re thinking of them.

15. Suggest therapy 

If you realize you aren’t in the right position to help your friend, advise them to go to therapy.

A therapist can give your friend new perspectives on their situation, guide them through their feelings, and help them recover. Professional support can provide structured, effective strategies for coping and healing, ensuring your friend gets the help they need. 

For instance, suggest finding a counselor who specializes in relationship issues to provide the best support.

16. Encourage healthy distractions

Encourage your friend to engage in activities they enjoy or try new hobbies to keep their mind occupied.

Whether it’s a new fitness class, a creative project, or simply spending time with other friends, healthy distractions can help them focus on something positive. This can aid in their emotional recovery and provide a much-needed break from their thoughts about the breakup. 

For example, invite them to join a local art class or explore a new hiking trail together.

17. Be patient with their progress

Healing from a breakup is a process that varies for everyone. Be patient with your friend as they manage their emotions and take steps to move forward.

Avoid pressuring them to “get over it” or expecting them to bounce back quickly. Offering your ongoing support can be incredibly valuable to your friend’s recovery journey, no matter how long it takes. 

For instance, if they are having a tough day weeks later, remind them that healing takes time and that you’re there for the long haul.

7 signs your friend might need additional support

When a friend is going through a breakup, it’s important to be there for them and offer support. However, sometimes they might need more help than you can provide. 

Recognizing the signs that your friend might need additional support can ensure they get the care they need. Here are 7 signs to watch for and how to help a friend through a breakup.

1. Prolonged sadness

If your friend remains deeply sad for an extended period, it may indicate they need more support. Everyone grieves differently, but if weeks have passed and they still can’t find joy in things they once enjoyed, it’s a sign they might need professional help. 

For instance, if your friend who loves painting hasn’t touched their brushes in weeks, it might be time to gently suggest they talk to a therapist.

Say something like: “I’ve noticed you haven’t been painting lately, and I know how much you love it. Maybe talking to someone could help you find some joy again.”

2. Withdrawal from social activities

When a friend stops participating in social activities and isolates themselves, it can be a sign they are struggling to cope. Isolation can worsen feelings of loneliness and sadness.

For example, if your friend, who used to join weekly game nights, now declines every invitation, suggesting small, low-pressure outings can help them re-engage with the world. 

If they continue to avoid social interactions, it might be time to encourage them to seek additional support.

Say something like: “We miss having you at our game nights. How about we grab a coffee sometime, just the two of us?”

3. Drastic changes in behavior

Significant changes in your friend’s behavior, such as becoming unusually irritable, aggressive, or lethargic, can indicate deeper issues. 

These changes might be their way of coping with the breakup, but if they persist, it’s a sign they might need more structured support. 

For instance, if your normally calm friend is suddenly snapping at everyone or seems constantly exhausted, gently discussing these changes with them and suggesting professional help can be a crucial step.

Say something like: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really stressed and snappy lately. It might help to talk to someone about what you’re going through.”

4. Neglecting self-care

If your friend starts neglecting their basic self-care, such as not eating properly, avoiding hygiene, or not getting enough sleep, it can be a serious sign of distress. This neglect can lead to physical health issues and further mental health decline. 

For example, if your friend, who usually takes pride in their appearance, hasn’t showered or eaten well for days, helping them establish a routine and suggesting they see a professional can make a big difference in their recovery process.

Say something like: “I’m worried about you because it looks like you’re not taking care of yourself. Maybe talking to someone could help you get back on track.”

5. Increased substance use

Turning to alcohol, drugs, or other substances to cope with emotional pain is a red flag. If you notice your friend drinking more than usual or using substances to numb their feelings, it’s crucial to address this behavior. 

For instance, if your friend, who usually drinks socially, starts drinking heavily alone, encourage healthier coping mechanisms and gently suggest they seek help from a professional to address their substance use.

Say something like: “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking a lot more lately. I care about you, and I’m worried. Maybe it’s time to talk to someone who can help.”

6. Expressing hopelessness

When a friend frequently expresses feelings of hopelessness or talks about giving up, it’s a serious sign they need immediate support. Such feelings can indicate depression or other mental health issues. 

For example, if your friend says things like “What’s the point?” or “I don’t see things getting better,” it’s important to listen without judgment and encourage them to seek professional help.

Sometimes, offering to help them find a therapist or accompany them to an appointment can provide the extra support they need.

Say something like: “It sounds like you’re feeling really hopeless right now. Talking to a professional might help you see things differently. I’m here to help you find someone to talk to.”

Watch this TEDx Talk, in which Psychologist Guy Winch explains that recovering from heartbreak begins with resisting the urge to idealize the past and search for unattainable answers:

7. Difficulty functioning in daily life

If your friend is struggling to perform daily tasks, such as going to work, attending classes, or taking care of responsibilities, it might indicate that their emotional pain is overwhelming. This difficulty can disrupt their life significantly.

For instance, if your friend, who was once punctual and diligent, starts missing work or neglecting their responsibilities, encouraging them to seek professional support can help them develop strategies to manage their emotions and regain control of their daily life.

Say something like: “I’ve noticed you’re having a hard time with daily tasks. It might be helpful to talk to someone who can give you strategies to cope better.”

FAQs

Supporting a friend through a breakup can be challenging, but knowing the right steps can make a big difference. Here are some frequently asked questions and helpful answers on how to comfort and cheer up your friend.

• How can you comfort your friend over text after a breakup?

Send supportive and empathetic messages, letting them know you’re there for them. Avoid giving unsolicited advice; instead, listen and validate their feelings.

Simple texts like “I’m here for you” or “It’s okay to feel this way” can provide comfort. Checking in regularly shows you care and helps them feel less alone.

• How do you cheer up a broken heart?

Spend quality time together doing activities they enjoy. Plan fun outings or simply watch a favorite movie together. Encourage healthy habits like exercise and self-care.

Small, thoughtful gestures, like surprising them with their favorite treat or sending a heartfelt note, can lift their spirits and remind them they are loved and valued.

• How do you support your friend’s healing journey?

Be a consistent presence, offering a listening ear without judgment. Encourage them to engage in self-care and healthy habits.

Suggest professional help if needed, and plan enjoyable activities to help them find joy again. Your unwavering support, patience, and understanding can make their healing journey less lonely and more hopeful.

Be there for them, no matter what

Sometimes, the best thing you can be for a friend going through a breakup is simply a steady hand to hold. Let them know their feelings are valid, no matter what they are. Remind them you’re there every step of the way.

Your unwavering support, patience, and understanding can be a calming presence as they go through this difficult time. Whether they need someone to vent to, a hug, or just quiet company, being there for them can make a world of difference.

Knowing you’re there, no matter what, can help them feel less alone and more hopeful for the future.