13 Telltale Signs He’s Not Over His Ex & What Should You Do

When you are in a relationship, sometimes there are things about it that might seem a bit off. Perhaps you feel like your partner isn’t telling you the whole truth or that they are still hung up on a past relationship. 

When you start having doubts about your partner’s feelings, it could be related to your past or insecurities. Your doubts might lack credibility; by looking for signs he’s not over his ex, you can ensure that you don’t suspect things that aren’t true. 

Here’s a look at some signs he’s not over his ex for you to consider. They may help you figure out whether he is committed to your relationship or not.

13 Alarming Signs He’s Not Over His Ex

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There may be several signs within your relationship that he hasn’t moved on from his ex. By observing your partner’s behavior carefully, you can tell whether your partner still has feelings for their ex.

Here’s a look at a few alarming signs he’s not over his ex. If you notice that these things are occurring, you should take the time to decide what you want to do next.

1. He talks about his ex a lot

If you think he’s not over his ex, check whether he talks about his ex often. When a man isn’t over a previous relationship, this could make him talk about his ex frequently.

And the psychological weight of a breakup, particularly for those who were rejected rather than doing the rejecting, can linger far longer than most people expect.

Research highlight: Perilloux and Buss, publishing in Evolutionary Psychology, studied 193 participants and found that both men and women who were rejected experienced more depression, loss of self-esteem, and rumination compared to those who initiated the breakup, with women also reporting heightened feelings of sadness, confusion, and fear following the end of a relationship.

He may mention his ex’s name in conversations or tell you things about her, even if you don’t ask for these details. It could mean that he can’t stop thinking about her.

2. He still has some of their stuff

Another way to learn how to tell if he’s not over his ex is by checking if he still has some of his ex’s stuff. Perhaps he hasn’t given back all the things his ex had at his apartment, or proudly displays gifts given to them.

You can ask your partner to put all of his ex’s belongings in a box or set aside a specific place for these things.

3. He still talks to their family

One of the telling signs someone is not over their ex is if they still keep in contact with their ex’s family. 

When he is calling them or spending time with them instead of communicating with you, this might bother you a lot. It can become particularly unsettling if they are not enthusiastic about interactions with your family.

But remember, he might not know that their actions bother you, so try to communicate with your partner before getting upset about things.

4. He still talks to his ex

If your mate talks to any of his exes, this could be a sign that he isn’t over the person he has dated in the past.

If this sounds familiar to you, consider conversing with your partner about your expectations and boundaries. 

While you may feel uncomfortable asking your partner to stop talking to their ex altogether, you can ask him to limit the contact to once a week or a month since you find it impolite.

Remember that he may have to talk to his partner if he has children with them, and you must be respectful about this type of relationship.

5. He is still friends with his ex

Anytime a man is still friends with his ex, this could be one of the additional signs he is not over his ex. He may message them on social media sometimes, call them, or meet up with them on occasion. 

His friendship with his ex may hinder your relationship, especially if your love is new. Ask him how he would feel if you were still friends with an ex, and see how he responds.

6. He knows all about their life

You may question whether he is over his ex if you discover that he knows everything that is happening in their life. This can be troubling and could indicate that he wants to keep tabs on her. 

Try your best not to get upset if you notice he knows all about his ex’s life. Instead, talk to him about how this makes you feel.

7. He won’t open up about what happened

When you ask your partner about their breakup, and they are unable to tell you about what happened between them and their ex, this is an issue that can make you worry. This is because it could be one of the most telling signs he’s not over his ex. 

If you cannot find out what happened between them, he may not be ready to talk about it just yet. Give him some time and try not to get upset about it.

8. He compares the two of you

Sometimes, you may have a casual conversation with your partner, and he might end up comparing something you said or did to his ex. This can be a red flag and compel you to think that he is still carrying a torch for his previous lover. 

You can try to rectify this by asking him to stop comparing you to her, and he might stop if he truly cares about you.

9. He isn’t over the relationship

Does your partner clam up when you try to talk to him about past relationships or his dating history? This could mean he hasn’t fully processed his last one.

Don’t get discouraged if this happens, since it may just be a matter of time before he processes it and moves on. Residual feelings for an ex don’t always mean he isn’t ready to be your partner; it could simply mean he needs a bit more time.

10. He just doesn’t feel right

Sometimes, the situation between you and your partner might feel off as you can feel like he’s holding back or being inauthentic with you. 

If you are getting an inauthentic vibe from him, you can consider this one of the telling signs he’s not over his ex. It may be best to talk to him about it and keep an open mind. 

He could be apprehensive about discussing what he’s going through, so be kind and easygoing when possible.

11. He gets emotional when talking about his ex

If your partner becomes visibly upset, sad, or angry when discussing his ex, it could be a sign that he still has unresolved feelings or emotional attachment to the past relationship. Strong emotional reactions suggest that he might not have moved on entirely.

12. He avoids making future plans with you

If your partner seems hesitant or avoids discussing future plans together, it could be because he is unsure about committing to a new relationship. This hesitation might stem from lingering thoughts or doubts about his past relationship or feelings for his ex.

13. He keeps old photos and memories

Holding onto old photographs, love letters, or mementos from his previous relationship may indicate that he’s not fully ready to let go of the past. This can be a sign that he still harbors sentimental feelings towards his ex.

Remember that each relationship is unique, and these signs should not be interpreted in isolation. It’s essential to have open and honest communication with your partner if you notice any of these signs and discuss your concerns to better understand their feelings and intentions.

How Long Does It Take for a Man to Get Over His Ex?

Depending on their personality, it could take different amounts of time for different men to get over their exes. Some can move on after three months, and for others, it can take substantially longer.

And how a person processes the breakup, not just the passage of time, turns out to be one of the most important factors in how well they recover.

Research highlight: Kansky and Allen, publishing in Emerging Adulthood, followed 160 participants longitudinally and found that having a greater understanding of the reasons for a breakup predicted lower internalizing symptoms, less romantic conflict in future relationships, and higher relationship satisfaction and intimate relationship competence over time.

In some cases, it is thought that a man doesn’t always get over a past relationship. Instead, they may start to move on with their life. If you ask yourself, “Is he not over his ex?” he may still be harboring feelings for his ex.

Give him a chance, and ensure you keep the communication lines open. He may open up to you after a while, so you can both feel more secure in the relationship.

What Should You Do When He’s Not Over His Ex? 7 Tips

Yes, patience matters here, but it should be paired with clear communication and boundaries, not just waiting quietly.

When you notice signs he’s not over his ex, it is important to be patient with your partner and talk to him about it. Focus on other things, like having fun with him and strengthening your bond.

While you don’t have to avoid talking about his ex, it may be better if you don’t bring it up regularly. Here’s a more detailed explanation of each of the seven steps to take when your partner is not over their ex:

1. Communicate openly

Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship, especially when dealing with sensitive issues like lingering feelings for an ex. Initiate a conversation where you express your observations and feelings. 

Ask your partner about their emotions and what they’re going through. Make sure to listen actively and non-judgmentally.

2. Give them space and time

Moving on from a past relationship is a personal journey, and everyone heals at their own pace. It’s important not to rush your partner through this process. Give them the space they need to sort out their feelings and memories. 

Avoid pressuring them to forget about their ex too quickly or make immediate changes.

3. Set boundaries

Establish clear boundaries in your relationship regarding contact with the ex. Define what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. 

For example, you might agree that it’s okay for your partner to have minimal contact with their ex for practical reasons but not for emotional support. Make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with these boundaries.

4. Focus on your relationship

Concentrate on strengthening your current relationship. Show your partner that you are committed to building a future together. Invest time and effort into creating positive experiences and memories in your relationship, which can help your partner feel more secure and satisfied with your connection.

5. Seek support

If your boyfriend isn’t over his ex and it strains your relationship, consider seeking professional help. 

Couples therapy or counseling can provide a safe space for both of you to discuss your concerns with the guidance of a trained therapist. A therapist can offer strategies to navigate the situation and help you both move forward.

6. Encourage self-reflection

Encourage your partner to reflect on their past relationship and what they want for their future. Self-awareness can be a powerful tool for healing. Encourage them to identify what they still hold onto from their past and what steps they can take to let go and embrace their present and future.

7. Be patient and understanding

Dealing with unresolved feelings for an ex can be emotionally challenging for your partner. Be patient with their process and avoid making them feel guilty for their emotions. Instead, show empathy and understanding. 

Encourage growth and healing rather than criticism. Remember that the goal is to work together to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

While following these steps can help you navigate a situation where your partner is not over their ex, it’s essential to keep in mind that each relationship is unique. The outcome may vary depending on your partner’s willingness to address their emotions and make necessary changes. 

Ultimately, your happiness and well-being are also essential, so consider your own needs and boundaries throughout the process.

Watch this video to learn more about how patience can be a superpower:

FAQs

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you in case you are with someone who is not over his ex:

In a nutshell

Ultimately, if you’re noticing these signs, the answer isn’t to stay silent, but it’s also not to panic. Talk to him openly about what you’re seeing and how it makes you feel, and give him room to respond honestly.

Not being fully over an ex doesn’t mean he can’t love you or be a good partner; it often just means he needs more time to process the past.

If the pattern doesn’t shift after an honest conversation, couples counseling can help you both understand each other’s perspective and move forward together.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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