In these cases, you do not need to spend long hours seeking justification for wanting to leave. Your safety and well-being are at stake, and you would want to exit this relationship as soon as possible.
But sometimes the answer to “Should I stay or should I go” is not clear.
To go or not to go, that is the question
In relationships where your physical and mental health are not in danger, deciding whether to stay or leave requires careful reflection.
Checking out of the relationship without thoroughly considering what is at stake can rob you of a unique opportunity for growth and self-reflection, and, in the worst-case scenario, may prematurely end a potentially fantastic relationship that could have been saved had good communication tools been employed.
Can your relationship be saved?
Before you make any decision regarding staying or leaving your marriage, it makes sense to try and see if your relationship can be saved. You have invested energy into this relationship, perhaps decades-worth.
That is reason enough to carefully consider what your next step should be.
Whether you do this under the expert guidance of a marriage therapist, or by using some solid tips culled from books or the internet, ask yourself if it is possible to get back to a good place with your partner.
Can you work on the relationship in such a way that it becomes life-enhancing, allowing for personal growth in both of you?
Are there enough positives in your “relationship bank” to overcome the current feelingsthat are causing you to question whether to stay or leave the marriage?
How to know if the relationship can be saved
You continue to be sensitive to each other’s needs. This is a sign your relationship can be saved because it means you are still listening and tuned in to each other.
You share things other than sex. A relationship is more than just an available sexual partner. If you and your loved one can still connect on multiple levels, that’s a sign that your relationship can be saved.
You are each other’s safe harbors. You may be fighting, but you continue to feel safe enough to express conflict. It’s a good sign that you feel secure and safe with each other.
Your spouse’s happiness and well-being remains a priority. If these feelings are present, it bodes well for saving the relationship.
Reasons for wanting to leave a relationship
As you reflect on the question, “ Should I stay or should I go”, why not make a list of some of the reasons for wanting to leave?
Angry at being unheard, unseen, unappreciated. Whatever has provoked these strong emotions, it is best not to let anger be the deciding factor in whether you go or not go.
Anger is merely unexpressed emotion. Before rummaging through your mind, for an answer to, “Should I stay or should I go”, it would be better for you and your partner to reveal the emotions that are behind the anger than to just pack your suitcases and leave in a huff.
By sitting down with your partner and showing them, in non-threatening language, why you are upset, you may just be opening up a conversation that will connect you back to your feelings of deep love for each other.
If, on the other hand, your partner refuses to engage in a conversation about your feelings, they have just shown who they really are and your answer to the question “should I stay or should I go” is clear.
Start packing. The question, Should I stay or should I leave my marriage”, is redundant now.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.