When we talk about marriage, we imagine lights, flowers, and two people entirely in love. The picture is so beautiful, we seldom think about the things that make a marriage, the factors that we often overlook; but are so significant. A lot of things can make or break a beautiful bond between two people who promise to part only after death; one such thing is having expectations.
So the question is; is it important to have the same expectations in marriage?
The answer to this age-old question put simply is very complicated. Many argue that two people who don’t share the same view cannot be compatible in the long term; while some say otherwise with their own marriages as solid proof. The truth is, life isn’t this or that; it’s a delicate mesh of both. Let me elaborate.
Why sharing the same expectations is important
Before we look at the other side of this, we must understand that when two people decide they want to spend their lives together, they must have some level of understanding. This means that for many things, they share the same expectations. So, in essence, some expectations in the bond of marriage are important.
Sharing some expectations is important because they have numerous, important benefits. When you and your partner have a similar way of looking at life and expect the same things from each other, you respect each other more, and your interactions become more loving.
The crucial thing here is that expectations should evolve as your relationship with your spouse does as well; you change as you grow together; if you have same expectations as before, that is where the problem starts.
It is often hard to really understand what is okay to expect from your spouse and what not, so we’ve made it easier for you. Read on:
- Expect Fights! This is a given, you’re co-existing with another individual, but what you should expect is to always to discuss matters in a mature manner.
- Expect disappointments and let downs; life happens to all of us, we all are human, and so is your partner. When you both decide to expect forgiveness, your marriage will be a happier one!
- Expect differences. As we mentioned above, no matter how similar you both think; there are bound to be some differences, expect respect and give respect.
- Expect unrelenting loyalty and love! We saved the best for the last, you’re marrying the love of your life, and love is to be expected.
How expectations can become problematic
It is normal to expect positive things from your partner; you’re marrying them for all their good traits, promises of a better, loving future together and prospering with each other. The problem arises when you have too many high expectations from a person, who at the end of the day can only do so much as a human.
When we expect too much, we are often leading ourselves to disappointment, which turns into resentment and that is why many marriages often fall apart. One of the most destructive things people do is wanting more from the other person. “I wish you earned more,” “You shouldn’t eat that” wishes like these can really take a toll on the other person, and on your view of a problem-free life, you should not expect from your partner more than what they can give you.
If you expect your partner to act in a certain way, your life to pan out in a particular manner, then you are expecting too unrealistically, and you need to adjust, compromise and learn how to forgive. Look at it this way, if your spouse expects too highly from you all the time, wouldn’t you be aggravated?