Using your own circle of close family and friends as examples, you should be able to arrive at the conclusion that the way married couples meet is as varied as the different combinations of caffeinated beverages available at your favorite coffee shop. Usually, these “how we met” stories are told and retold at gatherings and anniversaries. They serve to reminisce nostalgically about the past. For some couples, the stories are also used to pass along indirect marital advice to future generations.
However, what few consider with these “how we met” stories are how they tend to set the tone for the marriages in question. Much as how laying the foundation and cornerstone of a new edification will determine how it is raised — how strong it will be — so too does the way that a couple meets affect the course of their marriage.
The High School Sweethearts
We all know at least one couple who met when they were very young. Perhaps they started dating in high school or as freshmen or sophomores in college. These couples tend to form tighter and more significant emotional bonds than other couples who may have “rushed” into marriage. The majority tend to share meaningful expressions of affection, Those observing the relationship will notice a degree of mutual intuitiveness regarding each other’s behavior. It may sound cliche, but a classic example of this is finishing each other’s sentences.
These marriages develop as they do usually because the couple — by design or by circumstance — underwent a prolonged courtship process. This allowed for the couple to mutually assimilate each other’s quirks and personalities. It also likely included prolonged periods of circumstantial separation. This allowed for the couple to value each other more. It gave them the time to independently evaluate their desire to form a life together. Their loving bonds were nurtured, not rushed.
There once was a time when meeting your future spouse online was a novelty. Presently, it is becoming the norm. Married couples who meet online — be it on free dating sites, mobile apps, or social dating platforms — tend to demonstrate a more thorough understanding of each other. In a way, this is similar to the high school sweetheart model, but within a more compressed time frame.
It is not uncommon for people who met online to marry within a year. Of course, this type of result does not happen to all online daters. It requires for both individuals involved to be actively seeking or open to the thought of marriage.
When both parties, however, are in tune regarding their desires for a nuptial union, the power of online dating sites can come to bear. Most of these platforms offer powerful tools designed specifically to help individuals meet compatible and like-minded partners. They allow you to screen for compatibility in terms of personality, lifestyle, and outlook. This means that when two people meet online they can be several steps ahead of couples who meet through more “traditional” methods.
Couples who met online are able to reach the point of critical mass in a relationship faster and with greater confidence simply because their compatibility was “preordained” by the power of matchmaking algorithms. This also results in marriages that have a greater possibility for success with lower divorce rates compared to the national average.
From fling to ring in under six months
We are not going to deny the fact that there are a few successful marriages that started out as impulsive and speedy unions. However, it also cannot be denied that these types of marriages more commonly result in difficulty and strife.
A spontaneous marriage would be defined as one that takes place within the first six months of meeting each other. Such a short time frame — especially if the two people involved met outside of their normal environs — can lead to a troubled and bumpy road.
Couples such as these usually reach the altar without truly knowing each other.They will be basing their feelings and aspirations based on their own idealized expectations. Also, while not intentionally meant to deceive, the majority of us tend to put up as perfect a facade as we can when we first start dating someone. That means that neither side has properly seen how the other truly behaves, reacts, and nurtures.
When the true “discovery process” is left for after you say “I do,” negative surprises, failed expectations, and disappointment will likely result. This does not mean that the marriage is doomed. However, it will make the first few months and years choppy. If you add additional stressful forces, such as financial woes, unplanned pregnancies, and career issues, you will face a rocky marriage.
Those that are able to survive the rocky stage may come out stronger on the other side. Unfortunately, not all are able to emerge from this challenging tunnel. Some of the marriages that start out on a whim will end up smashed on the rocks by the shore.
Is there an ideal way to meet your future spouse?
It may sound like an oversimplification, but when it comes to meeting the right person for marriage, it will depend entirely on you. Yes, advice from family, friends and even block posts can help. However, you must always be behind the wheel of your own future.
That means that you must take into account who you are as a person — where you currently are in your life and where you want to be. Likewise, you should also make a concerted effort to quantify the values and virtues of the person that you seek to be your life partner.
You should also keep in mind that careful and meticulous planning alone will not help you find your future spouse any faster or any better than leaving things entirely too spontaneity and chance. The reality is that your ideal partner will be found somewhere in the middle.
The important thing is to rein in extreme impulsiveness and not to forgo the advantage of contemplative planning when seeking a partner. This will increase your chances of meeting a partner under conditions that will offer you the best opportunity for a successful marriage.