How to Stop Being Shy in a Relationship: 15 Tips

Are you in a shy relationship, or do you want to know how to stop being shy? You are not alone. According to American Psychological Association, many people experience shyness across all cultures and countries. 

Shyness is the anxiety and awkwardness associated with social interactions. 

Small talk like a traffic situation can seem like running a marathon for a shy person. It can be overwhelming and frustrating for them. They might avoid social circles, meetings, and gatherings as much as possible. Sometimes, others perceive them as snobbish, but dealing with shyness is an everyday task for introverts.

Many shy individuals are considered introverts, but being introverted is different from dealing with shyness. Introverts usually avoid gatherings, social events or long conversations because they drain their energy. They often find joy in mini-groups. 

Shy people are frightened of meeting or talking to people. It can be frustrating for you and your partner if you are shy, as shyness may keep you from opening up. 

Shyness can make you ask pressing questions like, “how can I stop being shy,” “why am I shy around my boyfriend/girlfriend,” or “how to be less shy around your boyfriend.”

In this article, you will learn about the tips to overcome shyness and how to stop being shy in relationships. But before that, let’s assess the effect of dealing with shyness in a relationship.

Is shyness good for a relationship?

If you are in a relationship, how to stop being shy might be a priority for you because relationships usually demand that partners communicate with each other frequently, to create a strong bond. However, this may be challenging for a nervous and shy person.

If you are shy, you may keep people around you at a distance. Usually you would prefer being alone and staying in your comfort zone. Conversations might be hard for you to keep up and you could end up avoiding eye contact. Even if your partner initiates a discussion, you may find ways to divert it to something else.

In a typical relationship, couples go for dates and parties as they help strengthen their relationship. Unfortunately, these activities frighten shy people. Your default mode might be to move away or find an excuse not to attend. This attitude can be frustrating for the partners of shy individuals.

If you have trouble holding a conversation with your better half for long, the relationship will be dull and purposeless. It’ll be challenging to make plans or talk about the future. Therefore, it’s essential to know how to be less shy around your boyfriend/girlfriend. 

Overall, learning how to overcome shyness and awkwardness can help you become a better partner by being more open and comfortable.

Related Reading: 10 Most Important Things in a Relationship

Is it normal to be shy in relationships?

Yes, it is normal to be shy in a relationship, especially at the beginning getting along might not be smooth. Even if you have known your love interest for a long time, dating requires another level of interaction. 

You want to know each other’s interests, hobbies, likeness, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Getting through this level in the relationship usually involves some awkwardness. However, usually after some months, you should be able to relate with your partner normally.

However, if you find it challenging to keep eye contact with your partner, go out or hold a conversation all the time because you are frightened, you are dealing with shyness. All you need to do is learn how to stop being shy or be less shy around your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why do shy people find getting into a relationship so difficult?

Human interaction is pertinent to living a fulfilled life. Unfortunately, extreme shyness denies you this advantage. If you avoid social interactions or anything that involves long discussions, you may be dealing with social anxiety.

A relationship permits partners to be vulnerable with each other. Many people will assume you are snobbish if you avoid talking to them. Therefore, your partner may not open up as well. 

Vulnerability isn’t a forte of a shy person. According to several studies, some shy people have low self-esteem. They become anxious and dwell a lot on how others perceive them. Typically, they fear being judged by other people.

Besides, shyness makes people develop some physical and emotional symptoms. For example, when a shy person sees their partner coming, they might begin to sweat or palpitate. A shy person can also develop depression and become emotionally unstable with constant isolation.

Most people don’t like to deal people they perceive as snobbish. So, learn ways to overcome shyness as an intimate relationship may not be possible for a shy person due to other people’s perception of them.

Related Reading: 16 Powerful Benefits of Vulnerability in Relationships

How to stop being shy in a relationship: 15 tips

Being nervous and shy every day is not the way to live. You need to stop being shy and embrace interacting with people. It doesn’t have to be constant, but you shouldn’t be scared of being in the midst of other people. Here are tips showing how to stop being shy:

1. Explore the root causes

The reason behind shyness can be different for different people. Some people are shy from the beginning, while others change because of certain experiences. Some of the common reasons for shyness, according to experts, are:

• Parenting style
• Genetics
• Life experiences
• Childhood experience
• Trauma
• Bullying
• Family issues

For example, if your parents used to prevent you from going out when you were younger, you can have trouble interacting with other people. Extremely strict and controlling parents can bring up shy children.

In addition, if you face too many rejections or criticisms, you may not want to put yourself in similar situations in the future. Getting to the source is the first step to overcoming shyness.

2. Determine if you are shy

The word shyness is often attached to other conditions. For example, it’s not strange to see shyness, introversion and social anxiety being used interchangeably. 

Introversion is a personality trait that focuses on one’s thoughts and feelings rather than external factors. Social anxiety is a mental health condition encompassing disapproval, fear of rejection, criticism, and being judged. Because of this overwhelming fear, you may start avoiding social gatherings.

Of course, shyness involves some social anxiety traits, but it doesn’t entirely qualify for it. It may be challenging, but interaction becomes easy once a shy person is comfortable around others.

3. Identify the triggers

How can I stop being shy? One way to do that is to recognize the triggers of shyness. You can assess who, what are why you end up feeling shy. 

Do you get scared in front of a crowd? Is it when you meet someone new or when you ask someone out? 

By getting familiar with these events, you can prepare yourself in advance to handle shyness in different situations.

Related Reading: 11 Ways to Successfully Navigate Triggers in Your Relationship

4. Create a plan for tough situations

Now that you know all the situations that make you anxious, sketch out a plan for each of them. For example, if meeting a new person brings out your shyness, write down how you plan to solve it. You may check the following plan:

• Start by saying hello
• Tell the other person your name
• Ask for their name

Even though making a plan on paper isn’t the same as a real-life situation, it boosts your confidence to go out more.

Learn how to introduce yourself and others in this video by Entrepreneurial Mentor Dan Lok:

5. Consider shyness as your strength

Instead of seeing shyness as your weakness, it may help to explore it as your strength. Think about it; not going out as often protects you from specific threats outside. 

Also, it allows you to try new skills, hobbies and interests. Seeing shyness from a new perspective might boost your self-esteem and confidence – a baby step in learning how to stop being shy and awkward.

Related Reading: Self-Esteem Makes Successful Relationships

6. Do some research

Another way to learn how to stop being shy is to arm yourself with ample information about people and places. For instance, if you meet someone new, you can google up the latest news in town, any new government policy, celebrity news, etc. 

You don’t have to do deep academic research. All you need is the gist of information to have enough to say if any conversation comes up. It can even help you initiate a discussion that you can comfortably talk about.

7. Maintain eye contact

Maintaining eye contact is one of the ways to build active listening in conversations. Looking at someone when they speak shows you are confident and value the speaker. It also shows the speaker you are listening to them, which makes them tell you things without holding back. 

Eye contact ultimately creates a connection without trying much.

8. Focus on your goals

Do you want to know how to overcome being shy? Right now, your focus must be on yourself, not on people’s perceptions of you. After writing down your plan of getting over being shy, don’t let the fear of being judged crumble your plan. 

You may feel people are thinking about you, but everyone usually has problems in their own life that they are focused on. Therefore, focus on your plan to overcome shyness.

Related Reading: 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them

9. Participate in conversations more

One of the top ways to overcome shyness is to communicate more. Look for any chance that involves conversations on different topics, and participate. 

You don’t need to be actively engaged in the conversation. Just be in tune with the chatter around you and use your facial expressions. With time, you can start contributing.

10. Ask simple questions

You can also overcome shyness by asking simple questions in conversations. This trick can act as the foundation for deeper conversations. 

Asking questions gives you time to respond, listen attentively and plan what to say next. For example, if you meet someone in a restaurant, you can ask, “What do you think about this place?”

Related Reading: 125 Good Relationship Questions To Ask Your Partner

11. Smile

Smiling doesn’t just make you look good but also approachable, accommodating and friendly. Besides, it puts your partner at ease, making them converse with you more easily.

12. Don’t pretend

Planning how you will act when you go outside doesn’t mean you have to pretend. Pretending to be bold and courageous might help for a while, but it leaves you exhausted. Instead, take one step at a time.

13. Be vulnerable

Many shy people have challenges letting people know about their fears, insecurities and weaknesses. If you want to overcome shyness, be open-minded in conversation. One subtle way to start is to tell a stranger that you are a shy person or you narrate a story from your background.

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Become More Vulnerable in Your Relationship

14. Invest in personal care

Personal care generally boosts one’s morale and confidence. For example, buying new clothes, going to a spa, massage and getting a new haircut to make you seem more presentable. This can help you relate well to any type of personality.

15. Talk to a therapist

Although shyness isn’t a mental condition, it can lead to emotional and psychological distress. That may affect your day-to-day activities and cause concern for your family members. Thankfully, a therapist can help you sail through this challenge. For example, a therapist can help you:

• Identify the causes of shyness
• Manage the effect of shyness in your life
• Create strategies to help you relate with people
• Identify other social concerns you may have

Conclusion

Shyness isn’t a medical condition, but it can affect your social interaction. We all need people to build connections and live a fulfilled life. If shyness makes it difficult to relate with people, or attend a social gathering, learning how to stop being shy with the tips in this guide might help. 

You can also consult a therapist to walk you through understanding different aspects of your shyness and how to handle social events.