The phrase “how to make a man happy” pulls in thousands of searches per month. So, someone is obviously looking for some advice or insight on men, and how to understand or make them happy.
Well, as a married man myself, who also happens to be a relationship coach, I can tell you that most men I know are not that complicated at all. In fact, I’m going to make it even simpler for you – I believe, most of our behaviour as men, actually stem from one specific thing.
It influences the way we look at the world, as well as why we do what we do, even when our spouses are sometimes left baffled by it.
The advice I give frustrated women – learn to show TAAA
Some experts tell us that in order for love to flow freely between partners in a relationship, there has to be an element of polarity. Polarity is the energy that creates attraction, chemistry, and consequently a relationship of openness and willingness to display vulnerability. And there are essentially four things that a woman can do to get her man to become more “vulnerable” and open up more to her, and in doing so allowing his love to flow freely. Four words: T (trust), A (admiration), A (appreciation), A (affection – physical)
- Trust is essentially about communicating with her man that she accepts him as he is, and trusts that he is showing up in the best way he knows how, right now.
- Admiration is about thinking that he is awesome and great for you and letting him know constantly in various ways.
- Appreciation is about communicating how much you value his presence and contribution, however small because it makes them feel good about his contribution and therefore himself.
- Physical affection is about men needing to experience affection from their partners, as an extension of the previous three points. When a woman displays affection to her a man, it communicates to him that she values, appreciates, and like him. He’s essentially her knight in shining armour.
Taking all of this together, it ultimately comes down to the one thing women need to understand about men, and what they value above all else – respect.
The importance and power of respect
Figuring out how to keep your man happy starts with respect; both respect for him and for yourself. This is a crucial point for all women to understand. Respect is foundational to any healthy relationship.
But respect for another starts with respecting yourself. But here is where it gets interesting. Men thrive on respect and women thrive on love. And a man is more willing to love a woman who respects him and a woman is more willing to respect a man who loves her. But, this actually becomes an unhealthy cycle.
If you want him to show you more love, then it’s time to show him more respect, even when it’s difficult (within reason of course).
Several ways to show respect to your man
One of the most powerful ways is to validate him in front of others. You may think he wasn’t listening when you told your friends about how awesome he is, but he was. In fact, these types of compliments will actually motivate him to work harder to please you, so make sure he hears you. Ask his opinion.
Men naturally want to be the leader and feel like he’s making the decisions. We are hardwired to lead and be the “hunter.” Your guy will feel respected when he knows you want his opinion and you’re listening to all he says. Asking for his opinion does NOT mean you’ll take it, but he needs to feel like you will.
Don’t smother him
Nothing sends a man running for the hills faster than trying to control him. When you allow him his space then you are showing him respect. And that respect is what makes you attractive and appealing to him.
Don’t do these things
Speaking badly about him and to him, that is emasculating or degrading, will only blow up in your face. Making him feel bad about his actions or ideas lets him know that you don’t respect him. Consequently, it reduces his attraction to you. Also, you should never tease your man and play with his sexual desires. Do not use your body or sex to manipulate the situation. You actually have incredible power over him using your looks because he is incredibly visual.
But, when you use yourself in this way he actually ends up losing respect for you. He may not need to respect you to love you, but if he doesn’t respect you, he’ll most likely be looking for someone else whom he can respect.