While it is good to have some form of expectation, sometimes those expectations can be a misconception. Here are some of the most common misconceptions people have about marriage.
1. You will live happily ever after
As cliché as this is, many people still believe in the fairy tale of happily ever after. Many people believe the hard part is getting to the altar. While getting down the aisle may be a difficult task, the real work begins once the vows are exchanged. I’ve heard numerous married couples say “anyone can get married, but can they stay married?” Staying married is the real task. Just because two people decided to get married doesn’t mean they will always want to stay married. Each day both people must decide they are going to fight another day to be together. Some days are easier than others, but a fight nonetheless. So, don’t worry about thinking about forever. Just take it one day at a time.
2. Your spouse will complete you
When phrases such as “you complete me” are considered romantic, it’s no wonder people think it is true. Many people believe that any deficits they have in themselves can be compensated by their spouse. I hate to be the bearer of this bad news, but no person has the power to complete you. I have seen countless people feel the same emptiness they felt in singleness in their marriage and they can’t understand why. You must learn to complete yourself. There is nothing worse than marrying the person of your dreams and not being able to enjoy it because you haven’t dealt with your own issues. Doesn’t the love of your life deserve a whole version of you and not just a portion?
3. They will change once married
I can’t tell you how many people believe that a switch flips at the altar and when you say “I do” something changes in people. Newsflash, the words “I do” won’t change a person entirely. Yes, there are somethings people are willing to change due to getting married such as consulting your spouse in decision making. Marriage will not change that undesirable trait you don’t like in your soon to be spouse. If your partner doesn’t want children, that won’t necessarily disappear just because you got married. If your partner sleeps around, marrying them will not immediately make them want to stop. If they spend money uncontrollably, marrying you won’t make them want to be a financial guru. Simply, don’t expect someone to change simply because they married you. Make sure you are willing to live the rest of your life with this person just the way they ARE.
4. Sex will decrease
Many couples have feared the dreaded decrease in sex that has plagued marriages for years. The truth of the matter is, you as a couple dictate how much sex you will indulge in during your marriage. Again, there is not a switch that flips at the altar that turns off your sex drive. Yes, there are things that will arise in your lives that could get in the way of sex such as children, tough work schedules and simply age. You as a couple though have to make sex a priority to prevent other things from hindering it. The same way you should prioritize quality time and communication is the same way you should prioritize your sex life.
5. Love is enough
If I had a dollar for every couple who thought love would be enough to keep their marriage strong I would be rich. As romantic as it sounds, love is not enough. Truth be told, there will be times when you don’t feel much love at all. Love comes and goes. It is a feeling. Do you feel happy all the time? How about angry? No. Love is the same way. Some days you don’t feel “in love.” It is your respect for your vows and the marriage itself that will keep you together. That’s what will get you through the loveless days until the love returns.
While there are many more misconceptions people have about marriage, I hope these help to clarify some things. Happy loving!!!