Perhaps you’ve been dating for a while, or maybe you are engaged and busy planning your wedding as ‘you’ perceive that there is perfect compatibility in marriage.
Amidst the flurry and excitement of ‘being in love,’ you may have found yourself wondering just how compatible you and your partner really are and whether you should take up a pre-marriage compatibility test or not.
At the same time, you might be wondering, is it really worth investing your time and energy in taking up a compatibility test for couples before marriage?
Things may be great now, but will your relationship last in the months and years to come? And how will you be able to weather the storms that are bound to come your way sooner or later?
The answers to these questions may be largely unknown.
But, taking a pre-marriage compatibility test for couples or resorting to marriage compatibility calculator can surely go a long way towards finding some indication of the direction your future relationship is likely to take.
“Of course, we are compatible….”
Perhaps these kinds of questions have never occurred to you. Things seem so great in your relationship now that you can’t imagine how it could ever be any different.
“Of course, we are compatible, and we don’t need any couples compatibility test to reaffirm our love” you may be thinking, “Otherwise, we wouldn’t be getting married, surely!”
Well, sadly, this is not always the case concerning marriage compatibility. And, you don’t have to look very far to find many marriages which have started well, but then shattered on the rocks of life and “incompatibility.”
The more you know about each other, the better…
If you are thinking of getting married, the more you know about each other before the wedding day, the better. By doing a premarital compatibility test or marriage compatibility test, you can discover some essential truths.
It can also help you to think through your values and issues in a way that may otherwise never come up during the ordinary course of conversation.
If you are both serious about putting in the hard work to make your marriage the best that it can be, then a pre-marriage compatibility test or marital compatibility test is perfect for you.
Categories of Questions to Discuss
The following types of pre-marriage questions are a helpful guide for every couple to think through and discuss together before they take the plunge into married life.
It is best to answer these marriage compatibility questions individually first, before sharing your answers.
Background and upbringing
How much do I know about the way my partner grew up?
Were his/her parents happily married? If not, what happened in their marriage?
Do my partner, and I come from similar social or cultural backgrounds?
If our backgrounds were very different, how do we plan to make our own ‘culture’ together? Will it be mostly his way, or her way, or a good mixture of both?
How was my partner disciplined as a child?
Handling of finances
Is my partner careful with money, or spending freely?
Will we have separate accounts when we are married?
Do we agree about how money should be spent, invested, or saved?
Who will handle the payment of bills when we are married?
Friends and social life
Is my partner an introvert or extrovert?
Do we have the same level of expectation when it comes to social life – or does one of us love to be out with friends all the time, and the other prefers to be at home more?
Do we allow each other time apart to go out with our same-sex friends?
Expectations of in-law involvement
Do both sets of parents accept our relationship and our marriage?
After we are married, how often do we expect to see, or call our parents?
Where will we spend special holidays and celebrations?
Household duties and chores
How will we divide up the household duties and tasks?
Will one person do all the cooking, or will we take turns?
And what about the grocery shopping, cleaning, washing, and ironing?
If we have pets, who is responsible for cleaning and feeding them?
Having children and starting a family
Do we both want children or not?
If so, how many and when would we plan to start a family?
When we have children, do we agree on what values, beliefs, or religious faith we will teach them?
Do we agree on how our children should be disciplined?
Do my partner and I talk a lot together, or is our relationship mostly physical or non-verbal?
Are there specific topics that I feel uneasy about bringing up or certain issues I know I should avoid?
When I ask questions, does my partner explain the answer nicely, or does he or she become irritable and impatient?
How to resolve conflicts
Have we had any severe disputes to resolve, and how have we resolved them? Did one of us ‘give in’ to the other, or did we reach a beneficial compromise?
Has my partner ever ignored me, or stone-walled me until I give in to his or her wishes? (This is abusive, and should be regarded as a serious red flag.)
Does my partner ever criticize me and undermine me?
When I express concern or tell my partner that he or she has hurt me in some way, how does he or she respond? (if he or she makes excuses and blames you for being ‘too sensitive,’ you may be seeing signs of emotional abuse.)
Hobbies, recreation, and vacations
Do we each have hobbies which we enjoy doing, either separately or together?
Do we both enjoy the same kind of recreation, or does one enjoy sport and the other not, or one enjoys watching movies and the other not?
How often would you expect to go on vacation, and where?
What are your expectations when you are on vacation – to relax on the beach and read a book or to go sightseeing as much as possible?
These could have been pleasant surprises or nasty surprises. Either way, you will no doubt be in a much better position to gauge what your future may look like when you continue your relationship with one another.
Also, you must check for your religious compatibility, although it doesn’t seem to qualify as a problem in your relationship before marriage.
You can choose to take up a catholic marriage compatibility test or any other compatibility test before marriage that focuses on your religious inclinations and beliefs.
Any pre-marriage compatibility test cannot do you any harm, and on the contrary, it can help you refine your perception about your relationship and your partner.
The pre-marriage tests can better equip you to understand your partner and keep you ready for challenging times.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.