How to Deal When There Is No Intimacy in Marriage: 10 Tips

Not everyone can talk about the lack of intimacy in their marriage, but it’s a very real problem. There are a lot of married couples who have problems with intimacy, and it’s more common than you think.

If there is no intimacy in marriage, the consequences are real and one of the hardest realities of married life. Can such a relationship still be saved?

Imagine a scenario where intimacy feels distant in marriage.

After a long, tiring day, you come home feeling completely drained. All you want is a warm shower, a hearty meal, and some rest. Intimacy might feel like an added effort, far removed from the spontaneous and passionate moments you once shared.

Now, it may have suddenly dawned on you that you have a marriage without intimacy!

What does no intimacy in marriage mean?

No intimacy in marriage from wife or husband means that a couple is no longer sexually and emotionally involved with each other. It can indicate deeper physical, emotional, or relationship issues between the couple. 

Some of the most common reasons why there is a lack of sexuality in marriage are:

• Low libido
• Mismatched sex drives
• Childbirth
• Workload
• Stress
• Medical conditions such as erectile dysfunction
• History of sexual abuse
• Infidelity
• Insecurities or other personal factors
• Unresolved problems
• Anger and resentment
• Financial problems

The consequences of a lack of intimacy in marriage can stem from both the absence of emotional connection and sexual closeness.

Licensed psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici says

It can also come from a lack of communication of sexual needs between the partners. It is crucial and very important that you have open communication with your partner. This also increases self-esteem and breaks the barriers between partners.

And no, it’s not like the both of you decided to have no intimacy in marriage. Things have changed, right?

We all know the numerous effects of no intimacy in a relationship. How about the hard work of restoring intimacy in marriage if you realize that your marriage needs help?

How important is intimacy in marriage?

Intimacy is an important aspect of most marriages. But first, what is intimacy?

Intimacy in a marriage is the comfort and closeness that a couple shares with each other. It covers both emotional and sexual intimacy. 

If you are lacking intimacy in marriage, then you can address the issue healthily and constructively. Ignoring the issue can further aggravate the issue. 

Intimacy intensifies the bond between two people and allows them to open up in front of each other. It fulfills an individual’s emotional and physical desires. 

What are the signs of a lack of sexual intimacy in marriage?

To truly understand intimacy, we can look out for certain signs that become visible when there is no intimacy in marriage between the wife and husband. These can act as warning signs indicating that some changes must be made. 

A marriage that lacks intimacy will affect other aspects of the relationship. It can also have an impact on a person’s confidence and self-worth. 

Try to understand the signs of lack of intimacy in marriage to assess whether you need to make some corrections. 

5 effects of lack of intimacy in marriage

As you drift from your spouse’s lack of physical intimacy to a lack of emotional connection in marriage, expect to see changes in your marriage soon.

A marriage without intimacy may not be the leading cause of divorce. Still, its effects on marriage are enough to know its importance in any relationship.

Here are the top no intimacy in marriage consequences to watch out for

1. Infidelity

A lack of intimacy in marriage can make individuals more susceptible to external temptations, emphasizing the need to address these gaps.

We all know that temptation exists, and it’s everywhere. From your workmates to friends, to even just random strangers, can pose a threat to your marriage.

What happens when intimacy fades in a marriage?

It can become challenging to maintain commitment when emotional and physical needs feel unmet.

One of the most drastic effects of lack of intimicy in marriage is flirting and infidelity.

Related Reading: Help With Infidelity in Marriage

2. You become roommates instead of a couple

One of the effects of no intimacy in a marriage is simply being distant from each other.

Apart from the obvious sexless marriage effects, there are other types of intimacy, like emotional and intellectual intimacy.

If a couple starts to drift apart, it’s just two people living in the same house, and that’s all. You might still be married legally, but the absence of intimacy can make the relationship feel distant and disconnected.

3. Creates insecurities 

It is important to learn about what is intimacy in marriage because without it, partners may develop insecurities. 

The lack of intimacy can make a person doubt their sexual appeal and importance in their partner’s life. The absence of intimacy might be correctly or incorrectly seen as a personal failure to keep one’s partner interested. All this can impact one’s self-worth and confidence. 

4. Higher resentment and distance

If there is no emotional intimacy in a marriage, it can lead to the couple growing apart. It can ultimately affect the bond that they share on an emotional and sexual level.

In the absence of intimacy, they will likely be unable to trust each other and can also grow resentment of their partner or the relationship itself.

Watch this video to learn more about why we grow cold towards our partners:

5. Divorce

Deciding to divorce because of no intimacy or because of the effects of a sexless marriage might be the most adverse effect. This may be the ultimate consequence when a marriage has no intimacy.

Lack of intimacy, which may be sexual, physical, and even emotional, may leave your partner asking, “What’s wrong?”

It may be hard to understand why, all of a sudden, the sweetness and fire of intimacy you once had is gone, and with these questions would also come the feeling of being inadequate.

Having no intimacy in a relationship may be more common than you think, but the ultimate question here is, is it too late to make it work? And is it too late to reverse the sexless relationship effects that your marriage has suffered?

Related Reading: 10 Things You Should Know When Getting a Divorce

5 tips for restoring intimacy in marriage

Learning how to cope with no intimacy in marriage from husband or wife can seem difficult, but with proper guidance, this is possible. 

Recognizing the lack of physical intimacy in marriage or even emotional intimacy is not a lost cost. If addressed early, it can help you bring back the fire and fix your marriage.

No intimacy in marriage consequences can be seen and felt, so those are your signs to make your marriage work.

1. Recognize the problem

Know what happened to your marriage. Recognize what triggered the lack of intimacy and why you still need to do something about it.

Be honest with yourself and talk to your spouse.

2. Commit to change

Now that you can talk to your spouse, it’s time to ask them if it’s possible to commit. As husband and wife, it’s just right that you work on your relationship together.

It should never be a one-person battle. You are in this together, so it’s just right that you work towards your goals.

3. Focus on rebuilding intimacy

If you have decided that you want to make things work out, then compromise.

If you need more sex, then have a good schedule for it. If you need to be more romantic, find a place to stay for the weekends and pamper yourselves.

Being able to commit and make efforts to make these things happen is the start of rebuilding our intimacy.

4. Focus on building emotional intimacy too

When we talk about intimacy, both sexual and emotional intimacy are equally important and closely related to each other. However, learning what emotional intimacy is and ways to improve it are often overlooked.

Please pay special attention to communicating openly with your partner and sharing with them how you feel. Listen as your partner tells you about their feelings and try to lend your understanding to them. By being there for each other, you can enhance both emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. 

Related Reading: Best Tips For Growing Intimacy In Marriage

5. Ask for professional help

As there are other underlying causes of lack of intimacy, seeking outside help may be vital.

Therapists to doctors who can help you with your diagnosis are very important if you want to work on bringing back the intimacy in your marriage. Marriage counseling can also help you resolve some of these issues. 

Commonly asked question

Intimacy keeps a relationship alive and ensures that both members of a couple feel supported and positive about the collective future. Answers to certain questions about the topic can give you a better understanding of this key aspect of a relationship.

Is it normal to have no intimacy in marriage?

Usually, marriages are built on the wholesome bond between two people. The intimacy between the couple allows them to feel sexually and emotionally fulfilled. While there are ups and downs in a marriage, if there is no intimacy in a marriage, it can lead to further problems. 

In a nutshell

Marriage requires two people willing to work together, but if there is no intimacy in marriage, then it’s time to double your efforts to save your marriage.

Remember that it’s not too late yet. As long as your spouse is willing to work with you, you can be sure that you’ll see positive changes in your marriage soon. Communicate your needs, be empathic, and be open to your partners.

Always remember that intimacy is vital to any relationship and should be treasured.

Expert Q&A

I tried counseling, complimenting her, expressing my love, giving her hugs, etc., but there was no reciprocation. What should I do next?

Anne Duvaux

Coach

Expert Answer

The art of connecting with someone is to shift from "what can I do" to "what do they need?" and without them telling us what they need, we can't tell if our actions are making progress. All your approaches are wonderful, but the true connection always comes back to communication. So, what questions could you ask her to find out what she needs and what's missing from her? What could you also ask her to discover what her vision of a relationship looks like and how it aligns with yours? We often rely only on assumptions, but the more you can explore together whilst also sharing your needs, the more likely you can find what works for you both.

Why does my wife have no interest in me sexually or even go to bed with me? Any affection shown is usually up to me and she seems to have no interest.

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

There are several reasons this could be happening. First, she may feel emotionally disconnected from you. Or, she may be dealing with a physical problem, such as lack of sexual desire arising from a health condtion or medication. Approach her when she is in a good mood and tell her that you'd like to talk. Use "I" statements to express how you feel and how this affects you. Tell her you'd like to work together to resolve the issue and reconnect physically.

What should I do if I have discussed my lack of intimacy concerns and my husband denies there is a problem and just shrugs his shoulders?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

I would approach him when he's calm and in a good mood and express how deeply this concerns you. Give specific examples of behaviors you have noticed, and be prepared to explain why they upset you. If he continues to not hear you, it may be time to seek the help of a marital therapist, who can provide a neutral perspective.

How can I address the lack of intimacy in my marriage when my wife has no interest in sex but is otherwise wonderful?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

If the lack of sex is a problem for you, this is certainly something you should discuss. Sit down with her and have a conversation about the lack of intimacy, and how it affects you. Use "I" statements to respectfully convey your viewpoint and tell her what you need. Also take time to listen to her perspective. What is most important is that you respectfully communicate to her that you need more physical intimacy from the relationship. Clearly state your needs, and ask her what she needs from you to make intimacy more regular.

My wife doesn't seem to want me to touch her in a sexual way. What should I do?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

Have a conversation with her at a time when she is calm and in a good mood. Express your concerns about the lack of trust, and invite her to discuss the problem with you.

Can my marriage be saved if I suspect that mental issues may be the reason for our problems?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

Absolutely. Mental health issues are legitimate health conditions, and they can be treated. Untreated mental illness tends to affect the whole family. Suggest that your spouse talk with a doctor about how to treat the mental health concern. Or help them schedule an appointment with a therapist.

My wife refuses to sleep in my bed. What should I do?

Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Expert Answer

Have a conversation with her about how this affects you.

See More Questions

Ask Your Question

Ask My Question

Thanks! We'll do our best to answer your question and post it above.

Ask Another Question

Tips

Write your tip or submit a video tip

All tips are reviewed before the publishing.

You are: Reader Expert

Upload a Video Tip

>

Add your profile photo

Note - JPG, JPEG, PNG or GIF Max file 100Kb

Submit

We appreciate you sharing a tip for review!

Write Another Tip

Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less