When he leaves you, you basically have but two choices – to let it wreck your life, or to allow it to make you thrive!
The latter might sound like a mission impossible, especially when you still have feelings for him and want to continue with the relationship.
However, when the man decides that he wants to move on, mostly there’s no changing his mind. Although sometimes when things aren’t that clear, the healthiest thing for you to do is to move on and heal.
Most common reasons why people end a relationship
Even when a separation or a divorce is “officially” considered mutual, it’s always one partner that was more eager to end it. Even then, it’s difficult to cope with such a major change in your life.
But, in most cases, one person is simply dumped, and often with not much of a warning. You need to understand why it happened to be able to survive it.
Often, the person leaving the relationship, for one reason or the other, provides reasons that just don’t sound right to the one being left. And for you to move on and get your closure, you need to know the truth.
If your husband doesn’t share his thoughts, consider some of the following common options
Affairs are the most frequent initiator of a break-up
Whether it is the cheating partner who wants to date others without guilt or the cheated-on parent who just can’t have trust again, affairs are the one thing most couples have difficulty overcoming.
The second big reason often connected with the first one is boredom. Some people just need more excitement than others.
Too many fights wear the relationship down. In time, one partner is usually completely drained and just has to get out.
The other might still be in the mood to keep arguing, and, thus, taken aback by the separation.
Similarly, there is such a thing as one too many crises. Traumatic events leave their mark, and when partners react differently, it can drive a wedge between them.
The least healthy option – clinging
All of us tend to hold on to what we have emotionally invested ourselves in.
And a relationship, especially marriage, is one such thing we will always be reluctant to let go. Even more so when things aren’t clear.
Will he decide to get back to you, or is he gone for good? We might get stuck in an emotional limbo of sort.
Interestingly, there might be a neurological explanation why we cling to people who reject us.
Romantic rejection appears to trigger parts of our brain that are associated with motivation and reward, as well as addiction and cravings.
In other words, when he leaves us, we are, in a way, hooked to him as we would be to a drug. To the time spent together, plans, memories, feelings.
However, the worst thing you can do is to linger. Even if you end up getting back together (which rarely works, let’s not make things worse with false hope), you shouldn’t be spending the time running around in circles.
You should be finding ways to develop as an individual.
How to move on and flourish
The first thing you need to do is cut off contact. For a while at least.
We know that might be the hardest thing, but you truly need it to gain some perspective on things. Think of the time-out technique for children. It’s meant to let them spend some time with no distraction thinking about what they have done. You need this too, you need to get the focus back to yourself.
Then, you should also give up on the fantasy. When you’re left by your partner, you will probably start to distort memories a tad. You might start believing that things were much prettier than they actually were and that you’re missing out on the most perfect man in the world.
It’s important to accept the reality, both bad and good, to be able to move on.
Accept the past and let it go
After the initial shock and the tendency to idealize things, you might get really angry. Being hurt makes us enraged. But, you can’t prosper if you’re clinging to your ex, nor if you’re clinging to your anger.
So, let it go. Finally, when you forgive him, forgive yourself. And fall in love with yourself. Believe in yourself, in that you’re a deserving person, in your potential, and in your future!