What is Obsessive Ex Syndrome: 10 Alarming Signs

Breakups and romantic separations are difficult experiences that can be emotionally taxing for anyone. It’s natural to feel sad, angry, or even relieved after ending a relationship. However, for some people, moving on from a past partner is easier said than done. 

They may experience intense and persistent thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to their ex-partner, which can significantly impact their daily life. This is known as obsessive ex syndrome, and it can be a challenging mental health condition to navigate. 

You may wonder, ‘Why am I obsessed with my ex?’ or ‘How to make your ex obsessed with you?’ Let’s explore the symptoms, causes, and treatment options for obsessive ex syndrome.

What is obsessive ex syndrome?

Obsessive ex syndrome, also known as Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD), is a mental health condition characterized by intense and persistent thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to a past romantic relationship. 

People with obsessive ex syndrome may find it challenging to move on from a past partner and become preoccupied with thoughts about their ex-partner. This can lead to significant distress and interfere with daily life. 

The syndrome can occur in both men and women and may be triggered by various factors, such as a breakup, divorce, or infidelity. Treatment options include therapy, medication, and self-help strategies.

10 signs of an obsessive ex

Obsessive ex syndrome, also known as Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD), is a mental health condition that can be difficult to navigate. 

When someone is struggling with obsessive ex syndrome, they may find it challenging to move on from a past romantic relationship and become preoccupied with thoughts about their ex-partner. 

This can lead to significant distress and interfere with daily life. Here are obsessive ex syndrome signs:

1. Constantly checking up on the ex

One of the most common signs your ex is obsessed with you is constantly checking up on you. This can include monitoring their social media accounts, texting or calling you repeatedly, or appearing unannounced at their home or workplace. 

When someone is struggling with obsessive ex syndrome, they may feel compelled to know everything about their ex’s life, even after the relationship has ended.

2. Replaying past interactions

People with obsessive ex syndrome may find themselves replaying past interactions with their ex-partner in their mind. 

They may obsess over things they said or did and analyze how they could have acted differently. This constant replaying of past events can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or regret.

3. Refusing to let go

An obsessive ex may struggle to let go of the relationship, even when it is clearly over. 

Despite any signs to the contrary, they may continue to hold onto hope that they can get back together with their ex-partner. This refusal to let go can be a significant source of distress and can make it difficult to move on with life.

4. Trying to sabotage the ex’s new relationships

When an ex-partner moves on and begins a new relationship, an obsessive ex may feel threatened and try to sabotage the new relationship. 

This can include spreading rumors, making negative comments, or even physically intervening in the new relationship. This behavior is often a sign of deep-seated jealousy and can harm both the ex-partner and the new partner.

5. Refusing to accept responsibility for the breakup

In some cases, an obsessive ex may refuse to accept responsibility for the breakup of the relationship. 

They may blame their ex-partner entirely for the end of the relationship or refuse to acknowledge their role in the breakup. This can make it difficult for both parties to move on and can create a cycle of blame and resentment.

6. Stalking the ex-partner

Stalking is a serious concern that can be a sign of obsessive ex syndrome. This can include following the ex-partner, monitoring their movements, and even showing up unannounced at their home or workplace. 

Stalking can be terrifying for the victim and can lead to legal consequences for the stalker.

7. Becoming obsessed with the ex’s new partner

When an ex-partner moves on and begins a new relationship, an obsessive ex may become fixated on the new partner. 

They may obsess over every detail of the new relationship and become jealous or resentful of the new partner. This behavior can be unhealthy for both the ex-partner and the new partner.

8. Refusing to respect boundaries

When someone is struggling with obsessive ex syndrome, they may struggle to respect their ex-partner’s boundaries. They may continue to call, text, or show up unannounced, even when asked not to. 

This can be a significant source of distress for the ex-partner and can make it difficult for them to move on.

Related Reading: 10 Examples of Boundary Violations in Relationships

9. Becoming excessively emotional

People with obsessive ex syndrome may become excessively emotional when thinking about their ex-partner. They may experience intense feelings of sadness, anger, or despair, and these emotions may interfere with their ability to function in daily life.

10. Engaging in compulsive behaviors

Finally, an obsessive ex may engage in compulsive behaviors related to their ex-partner. This can include repeatedly checking their ex-partner’s social media profiles, calling or texting them repeatedly, or even driving by their home or workplace. 

These compulsive behaviors can interfere with daily life and may be difficult to control without professional help.

How to stop obsessing over an ex

Dealing with the aftermath of a breakup can be difficult, especially if you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex-partner. However, obsessing over your ex can prevent you from moving on and harm your mental health. 

Here are five ways how to get over an obsession with an ex:

1. Focus on the present moment

One effective way to stop obsessing over an ex is to focus on the present moment. This involves being mindful of your thoughts and feelings and redirecting your attention away from thoughts about your ex. 

You can practice mindfulness by engaging in activities that require your full attention, such as exercise, yoga, or meditation.

2. Limit contact with your ex

Another way to stop obsessing over your ex is to limit contact with them. This can include unfollowing or blocking them on social media, avoiding places where you are likely to run into them, and setting clear boundaries for communication. 

Limiting contact can create a sense of distance between yourself and your ex, making it easier to move on.

3. Engage in self-care

Engaging in self-care activities can help you to manage stress and anxiety related to your breakup. 

This can include exercise, spending time with friends and family, or pursuing hobbies that you enjoy. By taking care of yourself, you can build resilience and emotional strength, which can help you cope with the pain of the breakup.

4. Challenge negative thoughts

Obsessing over an ex can be fueled by negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the breakup.

According to a licensed professional counselor and relationship coach, Christiana Njoku 

Refrain from dwelling on the breakup, why it happened, and how you contributed to it. Instead, focus on what you can do to let it go.

To stop obsessing, it is important to question negative thoughts and replace these with positive ones. 

For example, instead of dwelling on thoughts about how the breakup was your fault, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and remind yourself that you are capable of moving on.

5. Seek professional help

If you are struggling to stop obsessing over your ex, it may be helpful to seek couples counseling. 

A therapist or counselor can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate the process of moving on. They can also help you to identify underlying issues that may be contributing to your obsessive thoughts and develop coping strategies to manage them.

5 steps to get rid of an obsessive ex

Dealing with an obsessive ex-partner can be a challenging and distressing experience. It can be difficult to move on and find closure when you feel like your ex is still interfering with your life. 

However, there are steps on how to deal with obsessive ex syndrome and move forward with your life. Here are five steps to get rid of an obsessive ex:

1. Set boundaries

The first step in getting rid of an obsessive ex is to set boundaries for yourself. This may include limiting or avoiding contact with your ex-partner, unfollowing or blocking them on social media, and avoiding places where you are likely to run into them. 

As relationship coach Christiana Njoku explains:

Setting clear boundaries is key in dealing with an ex. It is a state of no connection with your ex after a breakup.

By setting clear boundaries, you can create a sense of space and separation between yourself and your ex, which can help you to move on more easily.

If your ex-partner continues to call or text you repeatedly, you may need to set clear boundaries and communicate that you do not want them to contact you anymore. If they continue to violate your boundaries, you may need to block their number or seek a restraining order.

Check out this video to know why we all need boundaries and why we all need to let people know how far they can take it with us.

2. Seek professional help

If you are finding it difficult to cope with the obsessive behavior of your ex-partner, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you to identify underlying causes and develop coping strategies to deal with your ex’s behavior. 

Additionally, a therapist can provide you with emotional support and guidance as you navigate the process of moving on.

3. Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with an obsessive ex. This may include engaging in self-care activities such as meditation or spending time with loved ones. 

By focusing on your own well-being, you can build resilience and strength, which can help you cope with the stress that may come with dealing with an obsessive ex.

Related Reading: 30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself

4. Stay positive

It can be easy to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions when dealing with an obsessive ex. However, it is important to stay positive and focus on the good things in your life. 

This may include setting new goals or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. 

By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you can build a sense of happiness and contentment that can help you to move on more easily.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Build Positive Relationships

5. Seek legal assistance

In some cases, it may be vital to seek legal assistance when dealing with an obsessive ex. If your ex-partner is engaging in stalking, harassment, or other criminal behavior, it is important to take action to protect yourself. 

This may include obtaining a restraining order, seeking the assistance of law enforcement, or consulting with a lawyer. By taking proactive steps to protect yourself, you can regain a sense of control over your life and move on more easily.

Is ruminating and obsessing over your ex normal?

Research has found that it is common for people to ruminate and obsess over their ex-partner following a breakup. 

A study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that people who were more attached to their ex-partner were more likely to engage in post-breakup rumination, which involves repeatedly thinking about the relationship and analyzing what went wrong. 

However, excessive rumination and obsession can be a sign of obsessive ex syndrome, which is a mental health condition that can interfere with daily life. Seeking professional help can be beneficial in managing obsessive thoughts and behaviors related to an ex-partner.

To sum up

Obsessive ex syndrome can be a challenging and distressing experience for both the individual struggling with it and their ex-partner. It is important to understand that the syndrome is a mental health condition and that seeking help is essential to managing it effectively. 

By setting boundaries, engaging in self-care activities, challenging negative thoughts, and seeking professional help when needed, it is possible to stop obsessing over an ex and move forward with your life. 

Empathy and understanding towards oneself and others are essential in navigating the complex emotions and behaviors associated with obsessive ex syndrome. Remember, healing and recovery are possible with time, patience, and support.