Confused by the text messages you’re getting from your partner? Do they leave you feeling empty and hollow? If you’re constantly walking on eggshells and trying to second guess them, you could be dealing with examples of narcissist text messages.
What are some text habits of a narcissist?
You might not win with narcissists, but you can refuse to be disrespected. You’ll know when that’s the case because examples of narcissist test messages show them up as who they are. There’s no running away from words once they’re sent.
As psychologist Nina Brown explains in her book Children of the Self-Absorbed, narcissists are “immature, unrealistic and completely self-serving.” Sadly, narcissism is often passed through families as a defense mechanism against trauma. So, narcissist texting habits revolve around them as the central topic.
Narcissists need your love and attention to make them feel important. Without this, they either get angry or charming to bring you back. So, relationship texts from a narcissist may often flip between being overtly amorous to nonexistent.
As they are incredibly self-absorbed, narcissists have no empathy for your feelings. This makes them seem arrogant and demanding or simply cold and distant. As you can imagine, this comes through examples of narcissist text messages.
The impact on you is both damaging and disheartening. Even worse, they make it sound like it’s your fault, meaning that their narcissist texting style leaves you doubting and even hating yourself.
It’s worth noting that narcissism exists on a scale, and a healthy amount of narcissism gets us out of bed. After all, we need to believe in ourselves to get through, for example, job interviews.
Nevertheless, while only around 1% of the population suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, around 1 in 25, or 60 million people, experience narcissistic abuse. The article, reviewed by a psychologist, explains that you can heal with the right therapy and self-help.
What is a conversation like with a narcissist?
Any conversation with a narcissist, including examples of narcissist text messages, feel one-sided. They’ll constantly interrupt you to talk about themselves or their way of doing things. Essentially, their narcissist texting habits revolve around telling their stories.
On the flip side, you get the covert narcissists who appear silently superior. With these examples of a narcissist, text messages will feel as if from out of the blue, without context.
In general, a typical conversation with a narcissist might focus on superficial or material things on the one hand. On the other hand, they judge you or try to manipulate you into their way of thinking.
Although, let’s not forget that narcissism hides a tremendous amount of pain and insecurity underneath it all. As quoted in this article on why narcissists hate themselves, psychologist Ramani Durvasula reminds us that inside, narcissism is about self-loathing and not self-love.
Can this help us find empathy when reading examples of narcissist text messages? After all, it’s much easier not to react when we feel compassion for someone else’s pain and suffering.
Understanding the true meaning of narcissist word salad example
Psychologists use the term “word salad” to refer to a mental condition called schizophasia that people with schizophrenia often suffer from when they confuse words. The Merriam-Webster article further explains that the term has become mainstream to mean unintelligible language.
Essentially, a “narcissist word salad” is a jumble of sentences, often with a circular argument. Sometimes this can include narcissist text games, but these tend to be more premeditated.
A “narcissist word salad” portrays the knee-jerk flip-flopping that narcissists experience. They both want to be adored and charming while also in power. So, they use the word salad to manipulate you into doing what they want and adoring them.
Word salad examples based on a mental disorder include “squirrels swimming car lunch.” When the phrase is colloquially used to refer to narcissists, they tend to mean gaslighting, blaming, or going off on a tangent.
In those cases, examples of narcissist text messages either force you to accept their reality or, in other cases, shame you. You’re left confused because the messages are filled with lies and distortions.
15 examples of narcissist text messages
When dealing with narcissists, you won’t just be facing a narcissist word salad example. There are several different tactics they use to exploit others for their benefit.
1. The “me, me, me” message
The narcissist texting style is such that it’s all about them. In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could be “call me now,” “I’m amazing because I bought the groceries,” and “why aren’t you calling me – did I do something wrong? Don’t you love me?”.
Narcissist texts come in different formats. A typical example is when they need you right this instance. They’ll then send you a flurry of texts saying precisely the same thing. They might even call you 15 times in a row without appreciating that perhaps you’re busy.
Examples, in this case, could be “can you call me now please?”, “I need to talk to you,” “what’s wrong with your phone,” “call me now,” and so on.
3. Love bombing
Other examples of narcissist text messages can be charming if a little over the top. It’s fantastic when someone calls you amazing, beautiful, and that they can’t live without you.
Generally, when someone can’t live without someone else, they have deep self-esteem and self-validation issues. As psychologist Timothy Legg explains in his article on emotional dependency, it’s unhealthy to rely entirely on your partner for all your emotional needs.
Narcissists love drama because it makes them the center of attention. They might call you in the middle of the night for some crisis, for instance. Although, the most typical narcissistic responses to crises are to play the victim.
In this case, you might expect examples of narcissist text messages such as “I’m in the hospital, but I’m ok now,” “I can’t feel my arm, but I don’t think I should worry, should I?”, “I’ve had some bad news, but there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Remember that narcissists need the world to revolve around them. Sadly, this means that narcissist texts can be both arrogant and demanding.
Examples of narcissist text messages that demand things from you could be, “I need $300 now, but I promise I’ll pay you back”, “pick me up from the airport tomorrow,” and so on.
As you can guess, you’ll never see the money again, and they will probably not pick you up at the airport in return.
6. The word salad narcissist
As mentioned, a “narcissist word salad” is both confusing and often a distorted view of reality. This is different from how psychologists use the term.
Nevertheless, you can expect examples of narcissist text messages to go along the lines of, “you’re too stifling, but I love you, and you need to make more effort to be there for me to get along better.”
Essentially, the aim is to blame you, and the best way to respond is to stick to the facts or ignore them.
7. Reeling you in
Many examples of narcissist text messages are meant to charm you into their inner circle. They love keeping you on tenterhooks.
You can expect messages like “you’ll never guess what just happened” or “I can’t wait to tell you what I just bought.” In isolation, these might look harmless, but when you add them to all the other examples, they could be to reel you in.
8. Messages to enrage
A narcissist’s text sometimes tries to spark your emotions, whether good or bad. They might send you a controversial statement, about politics, for instance.
When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text that’s designed to start a debate, they might fly into a rage. You’re only adding fuel to the fire if you’re also angry. Instead, it’s best to ignore them or tell them you can talk later.
9. Leave you hanging for days
Emotional abuse of narcissist text messages will play on your mind. With time, you’ll feel like everything is your fault. They make you believe you caused their misery.
In this case, examples of narcissist text messages could swing from hot to cold. One minute, they’re all about love and charm. Next, they go off the grid for days or even weeks. The idea is to get you to come begging back to them.
Let’s not forget the covert narcissist text messages. These are more subtle but equally damaging. They still want attention but get it by acting like wounded animals.
For instance, they might say, “you don’t love me anymore,” or “it hurts when you ignore me.” Although, you’ve done nothing to ignore or hurt them.
Texts from a narcissist often shame and belittle you. They might criticize your clothes or even your friends. This can go as far as threatening and insulting you.
In this case, examples of narcissist text messages are about coming to your rescue. Basically, “you don’t know how to manage your life, so you need me.”
The emotional abuse of narcissist text messages such as gaslighting can drive you mad. That happened to the wife in the original film Gas Light, released in 1938.
Of course, not everyone will go to those extremes. Nevertheless, typical narcissistic responses when you don’t do what they want often involve gaslighting. That’s when they distort the truth and tell lies so that you look bad.
If you’re confused about whether you’re being gaslighted or simply arguing, then have a look at this video:
13. Showing off
Have you received messages that tell you how amazing they are? Perhaps something like, “I showed Tom I was right in that conversation last night.” Alternatively, they boast about their car, house, or other material things.
When you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text showing off, you might first get repetition followed by anger. They need you to adore them, and they need instant gratification.
14. Caps lock overload
There’s no need to use multiple caps lock. No one likes to receive messages such as “CALL ME NOW” or “I’M FED UP.” Again, it’s a cry for attention and the need to be the most important person in the world.
15. Intermittent ghosting
Narcissist text games sometimes include ghosting you. They block you and cut you off social media for no apparent reason. Then weeks later, they might reconnect and love bomb you.
You might then see narcissist text messages such as “I’ve had some time to myself, and I now know I love you and need you. You’re the most amazing and beautiful person in this world.”
And to add the charm, they’ll send you a link to Bruno Mars’ Grenade’ song. Who doesn’t want to hear that someone wants to die for them? Then again, who’s the narcissist in the Grenade lyrics?
Ways of dealing with narcissist text messages
Examples of narcissist text messages are so easy to create. It’s almost as if this era of social media and instant messaging is designed for narcissists. Nevertheless, there are things you can do to stay sane.
1. Set boundaries
Whether you’re dealing with overt or covert narcissist text messages, you must be clear on what’s ok for you. Of course, this assumes you’ve accepted that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
To give you ideas, you can also quickly tell them only to text you outside regular working hours. Again, you can politely tell them that you don’t want calls in the middle of the night.
Many examples of narcissist text messages want to draw you into some debate. While this is tempting, the best thing you can do is to keep texts short and tell them you can talk in person. Alternatively, you can tell them that this is not a subject you want to discuss.
3. Ignore and walk away
Regarding extreme narcissists, most therapists agree that a relationship with them is complicated. It isn’t impossible, but the emotional ride can be very tough.
It’s a huge decision what to do with a narcissist. So, work with a therapist who can guide you through the lies and gaslighting you can expect with relationship texts from a narcissist. Together, you’ll discover the best way forward for you.
Parting words on managing communication with narcissists
Whether you’re dealing with a narcissist word salad or any other examples of narcissist text messages, make sure you take care of yourself. This could mean working with a therapist or, at the very least, establishing solid boundaries.
From there, you can decide if you want to keep this narcissist in your life. As Sufi poet Hussein Nishah once said: “Letting go of toxic people in your life is a big step in loving yourself.”
Anne’s passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in Read more psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.
She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you don’t have to do it alone.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.