9 Ways to Support When You’re Dating Someone With PTSD

Dating someone with Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be a unique journey in the world of PTSD dating, filled with both challenges and opportunities for growth. Understanding the complexities of PTSD and how it impacts relationships is crucial for building a supportive and compassionate partnership. 

Our aim here is to guide those who are dating someone with PTSD, offering insight and practical advice on how to date someone with PTSD to encourage a healthy relationship.

So, let’s learn about PTSD, its common symptoms, what to expect when dating someone with PTSD, and how you can support your partner to overcome this problem effectively. 

What is PTSD?

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. It’s a response to intense trauma, such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults. 

PTSD affects individuals differently, and its impact can be far-reaching, not only affecting those who have it but also the people close to them.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

PTSD symptoms typically fall into four categories: intrusive memories, like flashbacks and nightmares; avoidance of reminders of the trauma; negative changes in thoughts and mood, including feelings of hopelessness and emotional numbness; and heightened reactions, like irritability or being easily startled. 

PTSD symptoms may be particularly complex when dating someone with PTSD from narcissistic abuse, as such trauma can affect their trust and intimacy in unique ways. So, when dating a man with PTSD, expect mood swings and emotional unpredictability.

According to Grady Shumway, LMHC:

It’s crucial to approach the relationship with patience and understanding while setting healthy boundaries. Supporting someone with PTSD from narcissistic abuse may involve allowing space for healing, encouraging therapy, and practicing open communication to address emotional challenges without triggering past trauma.

7 things you can expect when dating someone with PTSD

When you’re dating someone with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), it’s important to understand that their experience of the world is often different from someone without PTSD. Their past trauma can influence their behavior and emotions in the present. Here are 7 things you can expect in such a relationship:

1. Varying emotional responses

Your partner may experience a wide range of emotions due to PTSD. They might have sudden mood swings, intense anger, sadness, or fear that seem disproportionate to the situation. 

These emotional responses are often linked to past traumas that have deeply impacted their psyche. Understanding and patience are key to navigating these moments.

2. Withdrawal and isolation

Individuals with PTSD might often retreat into themselves, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed. Your partner may avoid social gatherings or even intimate moments with you. 

Such withdrawal is a defense mechanism against potential triggers or overwhelming emotions and not a reflection of their feelings toward you.

3. Communication challenges

Talking about their feelings or traumatic experiences can be extremely difficult for someone with PTSD. They might struggle to articulate their emotions or shut down conversations about their past. 

Respecting their pace and comfort level while encouraging open communication within safe boundaries is essential.

4. Hyperarousal

Being in a constant state of alertness is common in PTSD. Your partner may react strongly to loud noises, sudden movements, or unexpected situations. 

They might also have difficulty relaxing or sleeping. This heightened state of anxiety is a result of their brain being on a constant lookout for danger, a leftover from their traumatic experiences.

5. Flashbacks and triggers

Certain smells, sounds, places, or even people can trigger flashbacks, where your partner relives their trauma. During these episodes, they might lose touch with reality, causing distress and confusion. Understanding their triggers and helping them ground themselves in the present can be crucial.

Grady Shumway highlights that:

Being patient and supportive during flashbacks is key, as these moments can be emotionally overwhelming. Encourage grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or physical touch, and offer reassurance that they are safe in the present moment.

6. Intimacy issues

PTSD can significantly affect physical and emotional intimacy. Your partner may have periods where they are distant or uninterested in sexual activities. 

Traumatic events, especially those involving physical or emotional abuse, can make intimacy a complex issue. Building trust and communicating openly about comfort levels and boundaries is essential.

7. Need for space

There will be times when your partner needs space to process their emotions or manage their symptoms. This need for solitude is not a rejection but a part of their coping mechanism. 

Respecting their need for space while ensuring they know you are available when they are ready to reconnect is vital for a healthy relationship.

9 ways to support your partner if they have PTSD

Supporting a partner with PTSD requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to adapt to their unique needs. It’s about creating an environment of safety and trust where they can navigate their healing journey with your support. 

So, if you want to know how to support a partner with PTSD, here are 9 ways to help:

1. Educate yourself about PTSD

Take the time to learn about PTSD, its symptoms, and how it affects people. This knowledge will help you understand your partner’s behavior and reactions. Living with someone who has PTSD means being informed about what they are going through and how best to support them.

2. Practice active listening

Listen to your partner attentively without trying to fix their problems immediately. Sometimes, they just need to be heard and understood. Active listening involves being present, offering empathy, and acknowledging their feelings without judgment.

3. Encourage professional help

Support your partner in seeking therapy or counseling. PTSD is a complex condition that often requires professional intervention. Encourage them gently, but don’t force the issue. Professional help can be crucial in managing PTSD symptoms.

4. Establish a safe environment

Creating a safe and predictable environment can help ease anxiety and hyperarousal symptoms. This might involve establishing routines or making the home a calm and secure place. Remember, safety is both physical and emotional.

5. Respect their triggers

Be aware of situations, conversations, or events that might trigger your partner’s PTSD symptoms. Avoiding these triggers, or preparing for them when avoidance is impossible, is a crucial part of PTSD partner support.

6. Support their recovery journey

Be patient with your partner’s process of healing. Understand that recovery is not linear and comes with ups and downs. Show empathy and support throughout their journey, celebrating small victories and offering comfort during setbacks.

7. Communicate openly and honestly

Good communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, more so in a relationship with someone with PTSD. Encourage honest and open communication, ensuring that both of you feel safe to express your thoughts and feelings.

Watch this video where Dr. Karl Benzio, a board-certified psychiatrist, explains the ways you can support your spouse with mental illness and what you must avoid doing:

8. Take care of yourself

It’s essential to look after your own mental and emotional well-being. Make sure you have a support system and engage in self-care practices. This is vital to maintain your ability to be a supportive partner.

9. Be patient and compassionate

Your partner may have moments of difficulty or relapse into traumatic memories. During these times, patience and compassion are key. Understand that healing takes time and that your unwavering support can be a powerful part of their recovery.

FAQs

Managing relationships where PTSD is involved can be complex. Here are answers to some frequently asked questions to help understand and manage these relationships better.

• Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with someone with PTSD?

A healthy relationship with someone who has PTSD is possible with understanding, communication, and mutual respect. It involves acknowledging their experiences, offering support, and maintaining healthy boundaries for both partners.

• How can I practice self-care while supporting a partner with PTSD?

Practicing self-care involves setting aside time for your own mental and emotional well-being. Engage in activities you enjoy, maintain social connections, and seek support when needed. Balancing care for your partner and yourself is crucial for sustainability.

• How can I best support my partner with PTSD?

The best support involves listening, being patient, and showing empathy. Educate yourself about PTSD, encourage professional help, and be aware of your partner’s triggers. Offer comfort without pushing them to share more than they’re comfortable with.

• Is it hard to be in a relationship with someone with PTSD?

Being in a relationship with someone with PTSD can be challenging due to their unique emotional needs and reactions. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to unexpected situations.

• Can someone with PTSD feel love?

Individuals with PTSD are capable of feeling love deeply. Their condition doesn’t diminish their ability to experience emotions but may affect how they express or manage them in a relationship.

To summarize

Dating someone with PTSD is a path that requires compassion, understanding, and patience. You can build a strong and supportive relationship by educating yourself, practicing active listening, encouraging professional help, and maintaining open communication. 

Remember, while supporting your partner, taking care of your emotional health is equally important. With empathy and commitment, it’s possible to manage the challenges and enjoy a fulfilling relationship with someone with PTSD.