What Are the Different Aspects of Transgender Couples Therapy

Relationships are hard. They trigger deep childhood wounds from when our needs weren’t met. It’s a natural part of human life but add discrimination, marginalization and confusion about your body and now there’s a whole new layer of struggle. Transgender couples therapy supports navigating those struggles.

For successful therapy, you need a safe space where you can be yourself. That’s true for anyone but it’s particularly true for transgender and nonbinary couples who are often shunned by society.

But healing and empowerment are possible for everyone.

What are the common struggles of transgender and nonbinary couples?

There’s a big difference between biological makeup and the construct of gender. As this Britannica article on gender roles explains, the construct has changed over the centuries.

Nevertheless, most of us still face deep stereotypes telling us how to behave because of our biology. This can stifle and damage mental health.

But it’s hard to break away from societal pressures and truly be yourself.

As such, transgender couples therapy aims to alleviate the discomfort felt between the messages you might be receiving from your family and the community around. It also supports couples to affirm their identities. 

Other struggles that therapy for transgender couples focuses on also include roles within the relationship. These can be especially confusing when one partner either transitions to nonbinary within the relationship or wishes to transition physically.

And of course, there’s the discrimination as well as the anger and pain that goes with it. There is no easy answer but transgender couples therapy is a way to work through these issues that works for each unique couple.

What is Gender Dysphoria?

As detailed in this article on what is gender dysphoria by the American Psychiatric Association, the term is in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR).

Gender dysphoria is the extreme discomfort one experiences because of the difference in how one identifies with felt gender versus assigned gender.

Most importantly, our mental state, perhaps even our consciousness according to some radical psychologists, is intertwined with our environments. That includes culture and society.

Therefore, gender identity counseling for couples doesn’t need to view gender dysphoria as a sickness to “fix.” It’s a journey to align emotions, self-image, body, and beliefs. 

Within that journey, everyone has different experiences, including wanting to remove or change genitalia, associating with the feelings of another gender and not connecting with the current body and more.

Through therapy, such confusing thoughts and feelings can be worked through for greater ease in life.

Family interactions and systems

Even before we are born, assumptions and stereotypes about genders are being practiced according to whether families expect a boy or a girl. 

Other families choose not to find out the sex of the baby before they are born.

Depending on your family, you will have some deep beliefs about gender. When these don’t align with who we are inside, it’s a tough journey to let go of those beliefs. And so we have transgender couples therapy.

Moreover, your partner might have another set of beliefs to work through together. 

When it comes to couples therapy for transgender individuals, you’ll explore your deep wounds around gender and identity but you’ll also review family interactions and relational impact.

Social and political influences and pressures

As a legal company’s article on transgender rights details, the LGBTQ+ are facing discrimination more than ever.

2023 might have seen an increase in laws to protect the rights of transgender and nonbinary people. Unfortunately, 2024 is now seeing the release of laws in the US that will continue to marginalize them.

The impact that this context has on mental and emotional health is huge and no one should face it alone. Through transgender couples therapy, people can learn to process their emotions in healthy ways.

Connecting with communities and support groups can also be a powerful source of comfort and resilience whilst giving a sense of belonging. 

Physical transformations in a relationship

Throughout our lives, we all come across defining moments that question our identities and self-belief. Some ignore it and hold onto their unhealthy defense mechanisms but others work through it and redefine who they are.

Transgenders and nonbinary people have an extra challenge because the changes they undergo are often surrounded by misunderstanding and bigotry. But all relationships can get through whatever transition if both are willing to work together.

Whether one or both of you are on hormone replacement therapy or pre- or post-op, you are still the same person you each fell in love with. That’s not to say it’s always a smooth ride. After all, watching your partner shift their identity and even appearance can be disconcerting.

The key is to communicate and share your feelings with each other. All change is scary and you might wonder where the relationship will go after the transition.

Nevertheless, life is full of change and all couples must learn to navigate those changes together. Of course, transgender couples therapy can help you understand, for example, how your roles might change or even your physical intimacy.

Through therapy or gender-affirming couples counseling, you can also explore how to try out new behaviors with each other.

Furthermore, you’ll learn to support rather than try to control your partner’s fears or emotions. We want to be there for them but whatever decision they make regarding their transition, they need to take the lead for their feelings. And vice versa if you are the one transitioning.

How to find transgender couples therapy

On the one hand, you’ll read about therapists who offer affirmative therapy. They aim to hold a safe space such that anyone can affirm their gender identity as they wish.

Then you have therapists who are themselves part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Alternatively, as this paper by Pink Practice on affirmative psychology raises, the word affirmative potentially comes with a set of biases. It might also even encourage a potential power play between therapist and client.

Choosing the right LGBTQ+ couples therapy is a very personal choice. It takes a bit of research and some trial and error.

Most therapists offer a free consultation so you can easily talk to 2 or 3 to compare. You might also want to check if they have any reviews or recommendations.

It’s also a good idea to ensure that they are certified and licensed. These are two different things in most states and countries. Nevertheless, many countries have a certified database of professional therapists, such as the American Psychological Association psychologist locator.

Finally, go with your gut. If you feel you can build a rapport and open your heart out during trans-inclusive couples counseling, you’ll be well on the way to getting what you need.

To learn more about gender dysphoria, watch this inspiring TED talk by one person’s experience:

FAQs

There are various things that transgender and non-binary couples are uniquely forced to face in society. Here are the answers to some pressing questions that help you gain further understanding about transgender and binary couple:

• How can I best support a transgender partner?

Supporting someone goes beyond just working through couples therapy for transgender individuals. You also need to reflect and communicate outside the therapy sessions.

That means putting techniques into practice from therapy. If you’re not in therapy, it means educating yourself by reading and talking to others, including your partner.

Be open as well as curious about your assumptions and biases whilst remaining respectful and the rest will follow.

• Can trauma lead to gender dysphoria?

The extent to which our choices and behaviors depend on our genetics, past experiences and traumas is still a major debate. The general consensus is mainly that there is a blend of everything and the mix is unique for each person.

As this article on gender dysphoria by the Mount Sinai healthcare provider explains, no one knows why someone experiences gender dysphoria. What we do know is that the discomfort it causes can be worked through with transgender couples therapy.

• Is gender dysphoria something to be cured and how does transgender couples therapy help?

No one should live with discomfort so deep that they can’t connect with their bodies. We all deserve internal harmony and transgender relationship counseling aims to give you that.

As mentioned, gender dysphoria is listed in the DSM which could imply it’s a sickness to be cured. Nevertheless, it’s impossible to classify mental illnesses accurately, as you can with physical ones. In short, there is no one clear list of symptoms.

As such, dysphoria is more of a journey of personal work to find your balance rather than calling yourself sick.

Then again, having a DSM rating helps people get insurance to cover therapy which can be a huge benefit.

• Where does gender dysphoria come from?

Again, as the above article by Mount Sinai on gender dysphoria states, we don’t know what causes gender dysphoria.

Nevertheless, it’s usually a mix of genetic, cultural, environmental and hormonal influences. In short, the things that make us human.

When we turn to transgender couples therapy, it’s not to “fix” ourselves. It’s to allow ourselves to discover a better alignment both within and with our environments and cultures.

Final thoughts

Unfortunately, the world is written for those who fit the current definition of the norm. If you are in a minority group or identify with different values than this norm, you can feel very vulnerable. Some people are even attacked or discriminated against.

Transgender couples therapy plays an important role in allowing transgender and nonbinary people to connect with who they are regardless of what society wants them to be. With time, as more of us stand up and dare to be different, stigmas and stereotypes will gradually change.

It won’t be easy and it will take time. Regardless, we can support each other throughout by being curious and respectful.

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Anne’s passion and purpose in life are to guide people to find their own path and contentment by learning about themselves. Only then can we build and nurture the deep connections we all deserve to have. With a background in psychology and neuroscience coaching, she has helped countless couples... Read more transform their communication from aggression to assertiveness and appreciation.   She is both an ICF certified coach and mindfulness-certified, while being a counselor in training, meaning that she offers a holistic approach. You can expect to transform your view of yourself, your relationship, and the world by better understanding the habits of your mind and letting go of the unhelpful ones. You have power over your mind but you don’t have to do it alone. Read less

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