20 Signs You’re Not in Love Anymore

Partnerships aren’t cut and dry with a consistent romantic connection on both sides at all times. To achieve this, each person needs to maintain that commitment, put in the effort and genuine hard work, and give the union sufficient time.

Signs you’re not in love anymore, or that romantic connection is waning are when you no longer have a desire to nurture the relationship or find yourself paying less attention than the union craves. 

It’s unfortunate (and hurts a mate), but you can fall out of love. The trauma for a partner will be devastating, but ideally, life will move on once they go through the stages of grief following the break-up. 

Ideally, you will try to recognize the signs that you’re not in love anymore early to present the situation to your partner in as straightforward a way as possible, albeit compassionately.

Is it normal to suddenly fall out of love?

The simple answer is no. If you think you have suddenly fallen out of love with your partner, maybe you mistook infatuation or attraction as love.

People usually fall in love slowly, and because of a reason. Maybe your relationship has gone through something traumatic recently, or you have realized that you and your partner are not right for each other, as time together has gone by.

However, while falling out of love is normal, falling out of love all of a sudden is not. If you feel like you loved your partner yesterday, but don’t love them anymore today, you might want to think it through and you are likely to see that falling out of love was more of a process, than an overnight change.

Can we choose to fall out of love? Watch this video to know more:

20 signs that show you’re not in love anymore

In all honesty, mates can love each other and fall out of love with their partner often while in a long-term commitment. Everyone experiences ups and downs. Merely loving a person is not enough to sustain the couplehood.

Nurturing the partnership involves so many other “ingredients,” including communication, time, energy, undivided attention, and maintaining that sense of commitment. Once these things begin to fall away, it’s a sign that you’re not in love anymore. 

While that can happen periodically during a partnership, one person can reach their end at some point. How do you know you don’t love someone anymore? Look out for these signs.

1. Lack of communication with no desire to try

When you feel no desire to discuss anything, or you’ve pretty much stopped having conversations with your mate, it’s apparent there are no more feelings. 

Confirming you’re no longer in love would be having little interest when your significant other makes attempts to talk with you and you, in turn, block them out as they’re expressing how they feel. While you may have the respect to respond to direct questions, there’s little else offered.

The foundation for a healthy union is communication. If you lack this component and have no wish to repair this aspect of the partnership, it’s a clear sign you’re not in love anymore.

Related Reading: 10 Effects of Lack of Communication in a Relationship & Ways to Deal

2. Avoidance or excuses combined with dread

You begin to wonder, “am I not in love anymore” when excitement to spend time with your mate turns to dread. There used to be anticipation, initiation of plans, anxious conversations, calls to hang out merely, and an interest in what they were up to each day. 

Now there’s avoidance and excuses for why you can’t hang out.

In all likelihood, you’ll realize that you’re beginning to make other things a priority over your partner. Ignoring texts or silencing phone calls are also signs you’re not in love, and send that clear message to your mate.

3. Becoming a complainer or being critical is something new

It can seem as though everything your partner does at this point irritates you. The mate can do nothing right. You find that you’re complaining all the time, which is something new for you but has been happening for some time. 

Generally, you’re a laid-back, accessible person. Instead of continuing to be hard on your significant other, it’s essential to take a step back and look at yourself to determine “why am I not in love” because that’s basically what this behavior should be saying to you.

It’s your way of validating your feelings. Your mate might genuinely not be doing anything wrong. You’re merely looking for things to find fault with so you can confirm for yourself why everything you once found endearing is now a source of annoyance.

4. You mistook other feelings for love

Infatuation is not genuinely love but has the potential for enduring a long-term, making people mistake it for love. The problem is that emotion is not sustainable in the same way that genuine love can be. 

If you imply similar interests, goals, lifestyles values to develop the relationship, the charade doesn’t have the possibility of growing into something stable, meaning the feelings will ultimately fade. 

You might have been in love with the notion of loving that person rather than indeed ever falling in love with the mate. That will be difficult for your partner to hear and needs handling delicately.

Related Reading: What Is Love? Meaning, History, Signs and Types

5. When you feel there’s a need for a break

Generally, when one person finds a need for a break away from the other person to have some “space” or to gain some time to “think about things,” one of those questions you’ll likely be considering is how to know if you’re not in love anymore.

Ultimately, taking this time apart is merely your way of gradually breaking away from the other person without officially calling it a break-up. Once there’s “space,” you’ll invariably find reasons why you can’t see the other person again, leading to the end.

6. Making a ton of new friends

If you’re finding fulfillment with a new social circle outside of the relationship, that can signify that you’re not in love anymore. When your mate is not providing the entertainment you desire. 

Instead, you’re finding fun and excitement with other people. That’s a definitive red flag that there are problems in the relationship.

You can undoubtedly have friends apart from your mate, but when you don’t find stimulation from a partner, instead looking for that attention, that “click,” or emotional validation elsewhere, you’ll know if you’re not in love anymore.

7. Intimacy is virtually nonexistent

If you find that you’re no longer attracted to your mate, with intimacy at every level being the last thing on your mind, you’re indicating you’re not into your partner anymore. 

When you no longer touch your mate, whether it be a simple hug, a hand on their back, find sex to be a dreaded chore, or flinch when your mate reaches to touch you, these are signs you’re not in love anymore.

Related Reading: How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship

8. Independence has become an important concept again

You might be noticing that you’re becoming more independent again. Where you were incorporating your partner more into the various aspects of your daily life, now you’re beginning the elimination process to show yourself that you don’t need another person to handle life.

When you’re in love, a mate’s guidance and advice are valuable. Even if you know you can handle whatever is thrown at you, support is essential and appreciated. Now those things are viewed as interference.

9. Discussing the future is no longer a topic

When you’re not in love anymore, plans for the future are no longer relevant. Discussions that lead towards the subject make you disengage from the conversation.

In times past, you would perk up when your partner wanted to talk about the possibility of perhaps living together or a more profound commitment. Now, this lends itself to feelings of stress and pressure.

10. You recognize the signs you’re not in love anymore

Your instincts might just be telling you that you’re not in love anymore. It’s essential to pay attention to your intuition. Before having the conversation with your mate, put considerable thought into whether there’s any possibility for working things through or perhaps there’s a future with them.

When you can honestly admit to yourself that you no longer love the individual, listen to the voice. Avoid the notion of overthinking the issues and communicate your feelings. 

While it will be difficult, your mate will find a way to cope with their emotions and ultimately move forward.

11. You can’t get yourself to care as much

There was a time you were constantly worried about your partner – whether they ate, if they were okay, if they reached home safe, etc. 

Now, even as you may still want the best for them, you cannot get yourself to care about them as much as a partner should. This is one of the signs you are not in love with them anymore.

12. You do not feel proud to be with them anymore

Remember the time when you would flaunt your partner to everyone, whether it was your family or your friends?

Well, that was because you were proud of being with them. One of the signs that you are not in love with them anymore is when you do not feel proud to call them yours for whatever reasons.

13. You compare them to others

There must have been a time when in your eyes, your partner was the best partner there possibly could exist. However, as time went by and as things in your relationship changed, you find yourself comparing your partner to others, more often than not.

You are more focused on what they do not do, what they do wrong, and how others seem to get it right. This can be one of the signs that you have fallen out of love with them.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons You Should Never Compare Relationships or Your Partner

14. No more dating

A very tell-tale sign of falling out of love with your partner is when you both are no more dating each other. Maybe you have been in a relationship for years at this point, or maybe you have been married for a few years. 

However, it is recommended that even when you are in a long-term committed relationship, you continue to date your partner. If you do not plan hangouts, date nights, or events with your partner anymore, it could be a sign that you both are not in love anymore.

15. There is no progress in your relationship

The biggest mistake we make as couples is thinking that once we are in a committed relationship, or married, that we have reached the apex of a relationship. The reality, however, is different. As a couple, you keep growing, and so does your relationship.

However, when you have fallen out of love with your partner, you might find yourself and your relationship stuck, or stagnant.

16. You stay with them so they do not get hurt

The reasons why you keep a relationship going are very vital to the health of the relationship. 

Therefore, when you stay with your partner because you do not want to hurt them, instead of the fact that you love them, you know that while you may still care about their well-being, you are not in love with them anymore.

17. You do not enjoy your time with them

Your partner is supposed to be your best friend, your partner in crime, the person you look forward to being with, or spending time with. 

However, when you do not want to spend time with them, and in fact, try to get out of it, or find excuses to cut it short, it is a sign that you are not in love anymore.

18. They are no longer a priority

Whether it comes to small decisions, or big life-changing ones, your partner is no more a priority to you. That is how you know that you may not be in love with them anymore as not prioritizing your partner is one of the falling out of love signs.

19. You do not fight anymore

Some people might think that this is actually a sign of a healthy relationship, and not a sign that you are not in love anymore.

However, the fact that you do not argue, disagree, or fight anymore just goes on to say that maybe one of you doesn’t care about what is right or wrong in your relationship anymore. This can be a sign that you are not in love anymore.

20. They are no more special to you

It is the love you have for someone that makes them so special; all of us are really very normal people otherwise.

When you do not see them as something special anymore, it means that you may have fallen out of love with them.

Related Reading: 100 Best Quotes To Make Him Feel Special

4 common reasons why people fall out of love

There can be various situations where people fall out of love with each other. Here are some reasons why people fall out of love with their partner.

1. You fight too much

While fighting sometimes, arguing, or disagreeing with your partner are very normal in a relationship, if fighting is all you do, you might end up falling out of love with your partner, or they might.

This is because fighting can cause stress, and you just want to avoid it. When you do that, you end up bottling your emotions. You also realize that you do not see eye to eye on almost anything with this person, and gradually, you may find yourself falling out of love with them.

Related Reading: How Often Do Couples Fight in a Healthy Relationship

2. You fell in love with someone else

Another reason why some people fall out of love with their partner is because they fall in love with someone else. 

Whether or not they do something about it, make a move, or confess their feelings to this other person is a different conversation, just being in love with someone else can be enough reason to fall out of love with your current partner.

Related Reading: 25 Ways to Love Someone Deeply

3. Your relationship went through something traumatic

It could be infidelity, death of a dear one, or any major incident in your life, that has the potential to change your emotional DNA to the point where you start to view your life, and your relationship differently.

When we go through something huge like that, we may start to see that the person we are with now, versus the person we fell in love with, or thought that we loved, are different. You might not want to stay in love with them anymore.

4. You feel unappreciated

Another reason you might find yourself falling out of love with your partner is when you feel unaccepted or unappreciated. 

One of the pre-requisites of a romantic relationship is to feel appreciated and accepted by the person you are with. If that starts to fade away, you might find yourself falling out of love with them.

How to reconnect with your partner when falling out of love

When you see the signs that you are falling out of love with your partner, you will find yourself at a crossroads. 

This is the time you decide whether you want to work on the relationship and reconnect with your partner, or break it to them that you no longer love them, so that the both of you can decide the way forward.

Acknowledging the problems in the relationship, spending more time with each other, communicating better, and seeking professional help are some of the ways to reconnect with your partner.

To know more, read this article.

How to break it to a mate you no longer love them

It can be devastating to be in a relationship with a partner who does not genuinely love you, but you either no longer have those feelings or perhaps never did. 

Breaking a heart is not something anyone sets out to do. Ideally, you will have given the partnership sufficient time to ensure you’re not hasty about your feelings.

Something attracted you to this person, so you need to take considerable time to revisit, albeit not overthink, before having the conversation. 

Once you’ve gone over all the signs you’re not in love anymore, finding validation. After all, it’s essential to be straightforward, so no false hope is taken from the communication.

It isn’t the time for sugar coating or white lies to protect or send mixed messages. 

If it is the case, it would be respectful to allow your ex-mate that you care for them but do not share romantic love in the way they would like you to. Kindness is appropriate, and honesty is vital.

Concentrate on the present, make no indications regarding the future. The ex-mate will likely need support and undoubtedly has friends and family available for those needs. 

You need not withdraw too harshly and take caution in offering a great deal of support with the status change in the partnership. 

Can people fall out of love and then back in love? 

Yes. Some people view love as an emotion, and while it is true, love is also seen as intentional, and at the end of the day, as a choice.

Some people might feel disconnected with their partner for several reasons. They might also feel or may already have fallen out of love with their partner. However, it is possible to reel yourself back into the relationship, and fall in love with your partner again.

Be clear on your stance

Each of you will ultimately realize you both deserve to find the romantic love you long for with a partner with whom you share these feelings. It’s okay if this is not the one.

However, understanding when you need to work things out in a relationship, or when it is not salvageable anymore, are some important considerations when it comes to marriage. If you find yourself struggling to figure that out, you can consider relationship counseling.