Early in your relationship, levels of Eros love are strong. Eros refers to the passionate puppy-love that causes you to be extraordinarily attracted to and infatuated with a new partner. This initial chemistry can last anywhere from one month to two years, but once it’s gone and you develop a regular routine with your partner, things seem less exciting.
During this time, a couple may choose to separate in favor of finding someone new to obsess over. But, does this have to be the way it ends? Definitely not!
Couples can make their love last a lifetime if they are willing to put in the time, effort, and commitment to being with their partner.
Does true love ever die? Not if you both partners are willing to put in efforts.
1. Pronouns matter
Are you a “We” couple or an “I” couple?
The way couples perceive their relationship has a lot to do with whether or not their love will last. A study published by Psychol Aging found that personal pronouns can actually have a great effect on marital conflict.
Those who used “We” phrases such as “We are planning a vacation” or “We love our house so much!”, as opposed to “I’m going away on vacation with my husband/wife” or “I love my house” had an increase in desirable interactions.
The study states that those with “we” vocabularies had more positive and less negative emotional behavior and lower cardiovascular arousal, whereas those who spoke of only themselves displayed more negative emotional behavior and have lower marital satisfaction.
True love dies when partners don’t think of each other as a team.
2. Be present
A study of 243 married adults found that partners who spend too much time on their phones end up ignoring their spouses. This is now referred to as “phubbing”. Research indicates that phubbing has been closely linked to an increase in depression and a decline in marital satisfaction.
The next time you are trying to communicate as a couple, resolve an issue, or just talk about your day together, show your spouse they have your undivided attention by putting your phone away.
Phubbing may seem trivial, but it has the potential to make true love die, no matter how close you were to your partner once.
3. Continue getting to know each other
Statistics show that a couple is most likely to divorce after eight years of marriage. Why is this the case?
As mentioned at the onset, during the first stages of a new relationship, love signals the neurotransmitter called dopamine, which stimulates the pleasure center of the brain. This, coupled with serotonin, pulls you deep into the throes of infatuation.
But as time goes on the effects of dopamine begin to wane. This can cause boredom in the relationship.
One way you can keep the spark alive in your relationship is by continuing to get to know your spouse. One Harvard University study found that staying curious about your partner is healthy.
Ask your partner questions. You may have heard the answers before, but ask with genuine interest and get to know your spouse all over again. You may just be surprised at what you learn.
4. Spend time together in and out of the bedroom
Spending quality time with your spouse is deeply important for keeping the spark alive.
Many couples benefit from having a regular date night. This is one night a week (or at the very least, once a month) where couples put work aside and get away from the kids to spend some much-needed quality time together as romantic partners, not just roommates or “mom and dad”. When there are children in a marriage, everything revolves around children. It really makes you wonder, does true love die when children come into the picture? It can if you are not mindful enough.
Research done on the benefits of date night found that couples who had a regular date night were less likely to get divorced. They also experienced higher levels of passionate love, excitement, sexual satisfaction, and boosted their communication skills.
The study highlighted that couples benefitted most when their dates were more than the standard “dinner and a movie”.
Trying new things together was the biggest way couples stayed excited and connected.
Spending quality time together also includes being regularly intimate together. Not only does this have a myriad of health benefits such as enhanced cardiovascular health, lower stress, and mood elevation, but studies show that couples who communicate about sex have higher sexual satisfaction rates and better marital quality.
5. Take care of yourself
When your spouse sees you, you want them to feel a fiery passion for you. You want them to feel attracted to you both inside and out. Therefore, it should go without saying that if you want to keep your partner’s interest over the years, you should focus on taking care of yourself. Do such things as:
- Bathe regularly
- Dress up when you go out together
- Keep up with personal grooming
- Use deodorant
- Pay close attention to oral hygiene
- Exercise regularly
These are the basics of taking care of your appearance, but taking care of yourself means focusing on your mental and emotional health, too.
Couples certainly benefit when they spend quality time together, but time alone is equally as important.
It’s not that true love dies when people insisting time alone.
Spending time apart occasionally will help strengthen your sense of self. Use this time to do things that make you happy. Focus on your hobbies, friendships, and pursue your passions. These qualities are the same ones that made your spouse fall in love with you when you first met.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, the most common reasons for divorce are infidelity, drinking or drug use, growing apart, and incompatibility.
One way for couples to prevent growing apart is by spending time together regularly. Not just on a date night, but by sharing and creating new hobbies together. Can true love die when you love the same things and love spending time together? Absolutely not!
SAGE Journals randomly assigned married couples to engage in activities together for 1.5 hours a week for 10 weeks. The actions were defined as either pleasant or exciting. The results of couples working together and engaging in the ‘exciting’ activities showed higher marital satisfaction than those who were assigned the ‘pleasant’ activities.
The results are clear: shared activities promote marital satisfaction.
Those who want to keep the spark alive in their marriage are encouraged to explore intimacy regularly. This weekly boost of oxytocin will help you and your spouse stay connected and communicating. True love dies when couples don’t invest time and efforts in their intimacy ritual.
Staying curious about your partner, spending time together, and trying new hobbies as a couple are three other great ways to keep your love alive.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.