13 Signs You Have an Abusive Wife and How to Deal With Her

Men are not the only ones who can be abusive in a relationship. As lesser known as it might be, women can be abusive too.

Also, due to the general lack of awareness regarding the abuse men face, they don’t even realize they’re dealing with an abusive wife. The signs of an abusive woman can often be so subtle that men may not realize they are at the receiving end.

Find out if you, or someone you know, is a victim of an abusive wife by going through the list below. Advice on how to deal with an abusive wife has also been discussed.

13 signs of an abusive wife

Abuse can occur in any type of relationship, including marriages. It’s important to understand who is an abusive woman and recognize the signs of an abusive wife to protect yourself or seek help.

Abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, or even financial. Here are 13 signs of an abusive wife

1. Controlling behavior

Abusive wives have controlling behavior. She will control who you hang out with, where you go, where you work, what you do with your paycheck, what you wear, and how often you talk to family or friends.

The abuser will try to control you by utilizing non-verbal communication. She may refuse to talk to you, ignore you, stop being intimate with you, or even sulk until she gets her way. She is also an ace at controlling discussions.

2. Verbal abuse

If you believe you are always (metaphorically speaking) walking on eggshells, this is most likely an indication of abuse. You may have a verbally abusive wife if she shouts, yells, or blows a gasket over little things. 

Such an abusive woman may debilitate you, constantly criticize you, and often reject your sentiments.

My wife is abusive. What should I do? If things have escalated to this level that you are wondering about the answer to this question, then it’s time you took matters into your own hands and set boundaries to mend the relationship.

3. Violence

If your significant other is rough and violent, either when it comes to you or the people around you, you are in an oppressive relationship. 

If she punches, hits, and slaps you, these are clear signs the relationship isn’t sound, and you are with one of the abusive women out there.

She may, likewise, try to kick animals, punch walls, or toss things at you when she does not get her way.

4. Extreme jealousy

You may wonder, “Is my wife abusive?” if she shows extreme signs of jealousy.

Most abusive wives are envious. They might demonstrate a bad mood as soon as they see you talking with someone else. Of course, spouses do tend to get jealous when they see their significant others interact with other people. 

However, in this case,  jealousy is a bit different. Your abusive wife will even grow jealous if you’re paying too much attention to your siblings or parents.

5. Unreasonable reactions

Another prominent sign of your wife being abusive is her having nonsensical reactions. When you commit an error, you feel there is nothing you can do to make it up to her. 

She won’t pardon you for your activities, regardless of how minute the mistake was or how much you plead her for forgiveness.

6. Isolation

Oppressive spouses, including an emotionally abusive wife, need you all to themselves.

According to Licensed Mental Health Counselor Kristen K. Scarlett:

Gaslighting, shame, and fear all act as obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship, but I believe it’s the isolation that is the biggest challenge. Isolation can distort the victim’s perception of reality. When all you hear is lies, it becomes hard to trust anyone, including yourself. 

They don’t need you to invest energy with colleagues, family, or companions. She would rather prefer you to be miserable and all by yourself. She doesn’t need you hanging out with other individuals for fear that they may identify the abuse.

7. Instills fear

Does your wife place you in circumstances that might make you fear for your life or safety? When a wife is abusive to her husband, she may try to create a fearful environment around him.

If there are instances where she tries to threaten you, makes you feel frightened, controls and manipulates you to the point where you begin dreading her and are scared, you are clearly in an abusive relationship.

8. Blames everyone else

She finds ways to accuse others; she assumes no liability for what she has done or said and will blame everybody for anything that turns out badly. She will dependably figure out how to point the finger at you.

On the off chance that you have never heard your wife apologize for anything and she is always playing the blame game, you might be in an abusive relationship.

9. Gaslighting

Do you feel “My wife abuses me by constant manipulation of facts?” 

Gaslighting is the manipulative conduct used to confuse individuals into thinking their responses are so far from what’s normal that they’re insane. 

The abusive wife tells the husband he is crazy or it’s just in his head. Such husbands are often left wondering whether this behavior means that they must correct themselves or their wife is abusive enough to skirt the issue by playing a blame game.

10. Inability to handle criticism

She can’t deal with feedback, regardless of how sincere it is. You can’t give useful feedback without backfiring. She sees everything as negative feedback and feels very insulted and attacked. 

In any case, she is more than ready to criticize, often in an insulting way, the moment you try to say something to her.

11. Damage to property

Imagine coming home after a long day at work, and your wife is furious about something. In her anger, she doesn’t just yell or scream but takes it a step further. She starts smashing your favorite possessions, things that hold sentimental value to you. 

She might destroy your cherished childhood photos, valuable heirlooms, or even your personal belongings. This isn’t just a one-time occurrence but a pattern where she intentionally damages your property as a way of exerting power and control over you.

12. Stalking

Stalking can be a deeply unsettling and intrusive experience. Your wife might exhibit behaviors that feel like constant surveillance, making you feel like your privacy is completely invaded. For example, she could start following you wherever you go, showing up at your workplace, or tracking your online activity relentlessly.

13. Withholding affection

Picture a situation where you long for emotional closeness and intimacy with your wife, but she consistently denies it. It’s not just a matter of a bad day or two where she might be upset, but a pattern of behavior. 

She withholds affection, both physical and emotional, as a way of controlling you.

How to deal with an abusive wife: 9 ways

Dealing with an abusive wife can be a complex and challenging situation. It’s important to prioritize your safety and well-being. 

Here are 9 practical and relatable ways to approach this difficult situation

• Recognize the abuse

The first step is to acknowledge that you are in an abusive relationship. Many people in abusive situations downplay the severity of the abuse or blame themselves. Understand that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

• Seek support

Reach out to friends and family members you trust and let them know what you’re going through. You don’t have to face this alone, and sharing your experiences can provide emotional support and perspective.

• Document the abuse

Keep a record of incidents of abuse, including dates, times, and descriptions of what happened. This documentation can be valuable if you decide to involve law enforcement or seek legal protection.

• Create a safety plan

Develop a plan for keeping yourself safe, especially if you fear immediate danger. This may include identifying safe places to go, establishing a code word with trusted friends or family members, and having a bag ready with essentials in case you need to leave quickly.

• Talk to a professional

Consider speaking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in domestic abuse. They can help you process your emotions, make informed decisions, and provide guidance on how to address the abuse.

• Contact a domestic violence hotline

Reach out to a local or national domestic violence hotline for confidential advice, resources, and support. They can connect you with organizations that can provide assistance.

• Understand legal options

If you feel that your safety is at risk, consult with an attorney or a legal aid organization to explore options such as obtaining a restraining order or filing for divorce. Legal protection can be crucial in situations involving abuse.

• Set boundaries

If you are not ready to leave the relationship or are working towards a resolution, establish clear boundaries with your wife. Communicate your expectations for respectful behavior, and be prepared to enforce those boundaries if necessary.

• Consider therapy or counseling together

If both parties are willing, couples therapy or counseling with a qualified therapist can be a way to address and potentially resolve the issues in the relationship. However, this should only be attempted if it is safe to do so and both parties are committed to change.

Can couples counseling help with domestic violence? Watch this informative video:

What is the difference between mental and emotional abuse?

A lot of people don’t understand the basic differences in mental and emotional abuse.

Mental abuse

Mental abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is like a slow erosion of your self-esteem and mental well-being. It’s when someone constantly chips away at your confidence and self-worth using manipulative tactics. 

For instance, they might play mind games, make you doubt your own judgment, or use constant criticism to make you feel worthless. Mental abuse often leaves you feeling confused, anxious, and emotionally drained, like you’re walking on eggshells. 

It’s as if you’re constantly trying to meet impossible standards and feeling like you’re always falling short, which can be incredibly damaging to your mental health.

Emotional abuse

Emotional abuse is when someone uses words, actions, or behaviors to control and manipulate your feelings. It’s like being in a relationship where your emotions are held hostage. For instance, they may belittle you, insult you, or constantly make you feel guilty. 

Emotional abusers often isolate you from friends and family, leaving you feeling alone and dependent on them. It’s like a rollercoaster of highs and lows, where you might experience moments of love and affection mixed with times of extreme tension and fear. 

Emotional abuse can leave deep emotional scars and make you question your own worth, making it crucial to seek support and help to heal.

Show up for yourself

While it can be disheartening to see and experience your spouse abusing you in certain ways, it’s necessary to take action in your favor. 

Set boundaries for the things or actions you will accept and not accept from your wife. Make sure to tell her what is and isn’t acceptable when she speaks to you or about you. 

Let her know, in no uncertain terms, whether will you accept her belittling and demeaning you, your intelligence, or your character.

On the off chance that she crosses your limits and calls you rude names, you’ll need to create some kind of space between the two of you. Get up and leave and disclose to her that each time she says something hurtful to you, you will not tolerate it.

In no case should you continue being the victim in a relationship after identifying these signs of an abusive wife. 

Of course, doing all of these things might not work out. Your abusive wife might grow more aggressive. If she shows such behavior and refuses to respect you, then it’s best to part ways for good. Living in a toxic marriage with an abusive wife won’t do you any good.