When infidelity threatens your marriage, you may wonder if staying together is even an option.
An affair is the ultimate act of betrayal—surely there must have been something lacking in the relationship to get to that point, and now one spouse has broken the marriage vows.
How can you think about staying together and working it out when marriage after an affair has wreaked havoc on your life? After the foundation of your relationship has been shaken by an affair counseling is not the first thing to come to your mind.
Possibility of repairing a marriage after infidelity
Saving marriage after infidelity sounds next to impossible, leave alone rebuilding the marriage.
You need a marriage therapist. Saving a marriage after cheating has shaken the foundation of the marriage needs unbiased and expert intervention in the form of infidelity counseling.
For a broken marriage that has suffered the blow of infidelity, therapy is the best shot couples can have to repair a marriage after an affair.
More and more people are realizing just how effective infidelity counseling can be, especially during hard times in a marriage.
A marriage therapist is an impartial mediator who is trained and experienced in helping couples work through their problems, offer advice on how to fix a marriage after an affair, and equip the couples with the right tools in place for saving a marriage after an affair.
A counseling room is a safe place where just the three of you are talking and listening, and hopefully, as you build trust, you can rebuild your marriage and come out even stronger on the other side.
Here are some ways that infidelity counseling can save your marriage
Somewhere along the line, you stopped sharing everything with each other—especially the offending spouse who has strayed.
There were probably some instances of little white lies to cover up where they were and who they were with, and then what they did.
Working with a therapist is vital because they can help you both improve communication. The other spouse may be accusatory because of the betrayal.
During a session of infidelity counseling, the therapist asks each spouse questions that help bring out their thoughts and feelings, which are important for them to hear and their spouse to hear.
The counselor also helps the couple to process the words and realize their significance.
Not always. Of course, some affairs happen because of sex and the excitement of it all. But many affairs don’t happen that way.
Many times, relationships with someone outside the marriage can develop because something is lacking in the marriage itself. Perhaps the offending spouse is feeling bad about themselves for one reason or another or maybe doesn’t feel heard from the other spouse.
They don’t necessarily go looking for someone else, but when they get positive attention elsewhere, they become okay with pursuing it.
It could be that this new person is giving them a lot of attention, and so slowly they give off their emotions and intimacy to this new person because it just feels good.
The point is, an affair doesn’t just happen overnight. It was a complex, step by step process that needs to be evaluated.
A trained therapist can help both spouses talk through it and figure out the true reason they pulled away—and as a result, the spouses can then tackle the issue head-on, in a guided way during the sessions of infidelity counseling.
Also watch: How to Find Happiness in Your Marriage
Help the spouses reconnect
After an affair, many times the spouses want to come back together, but they just aren’t sure how to save a marriage after an affair.
The offending spouse feels terrible and is scared about the strong reaction by their spouse. The spouse who didn’t cheat may want to stay married, but their feelings about the affair are so strong that it’s hard to talk or be around the offending spouse.
This can cause the two to simply avoid each other.
A professional marriage therapist can help them work through their feelings and actually connect and truly understand each other and even forgive each other.
With the help of trusted infidelity counselors, couples can find a way to process what happened, recover from the trauma of unfaithfulness in relationships and heal.
It can be a big bridge to cross, which is why you need professional help to do it.
With the help of infidelity counseling, once you reconnect, the rebuilding can begin.
Rebuild marriage from the ground up
So you’ve forgiven each other and are ready to mend the marriage after an affair.
You’ve expressed yourselves and you’ve listened. Now that you’re on the same page, great! But, now what? Repairing a marriage after an affair does not happen on an auto-pilot.
Just because you both want to stay married, it doesn’t mean things will just fall into place. Because you’re back down to the foundation again. This is going to take some work to rebuild the marriage.
Before you start rebuilding a marriage after infidelity, you need to figure out what your marriage is as you move forward.
That’s why a therapist is so essential. Therapy for cheaters and for the faithful spouse suffering from the after effects of being cheated on is the most important step in the direction of fixing a broken marriage.
The trained therapists know what steps you both need to take in order to rebuild your marriage effectively. It’s such a personal process, that there is no one-size-fits-all method on how to fix a marriage after cheating.
You and your spouse may take longer to reach certain understandings, and you may breeze by others, finding the right answers to disturbing questions like, “how to save your marriage after infidelity”, or “how to fix a broken marriage after cheating”.
A therapist can gauge where you both are during each therapy session to make effective use of time and help you build, brick by brick until you are both solid enough to stand on your own.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.