The closest, most profound relationships are filled with intimacy.
And we’re not even talking physical touch. We’re talking about something really different.
Are you able to be completely intimate in your relationship?
In this article, I will offer my thoughts on what it means to be Intimate, deeply intimate, in your relationship.
Even as a counselor, it took me a long time to learn how to be intimate in my relationships.
I’m not talking about physical intimacy. I’m talking about something much bigger than that.
First, we must know, “What is intimacy in a relationship?”
In my brand new book, “50 flavors of erotic love…leaving the vanilla world for ecstasy“, I describe intimacy in a relationship as being willing to be 100% honest with your partner.
Think about that; true intimacy in a relationship means we are 100% honest with our partner.
How many people can say that’s how their relationship is today? Not many.
So when it comes to talking openly, honestly, with your partner, are you able to do that regarding your intimate desires? Do you discuss how to be intimate in a relationship?
Make sure that all of your cards are on the table, all of your partner’s cards on the table, as you move forward and talk about sex with your partner with an open, honest dialogue regarding what you desire in the relationship.
Communication is not only about making yourself heard but hearing your partner too. One major role of communication is listening to your partner, their needs and desires, rather than just concentrating on the response or your waiting for your turn.
Don’t bury under the carpet
We suggest- risk making difficult conversations. In the beginning, it might seem awkward, but once you both begin doing it and encourage it too, it will all be worth it and only make your bond stronger.
Be mindful of time and place
Not every time or place is suited for important conversations. So, make sure you both are ready for the conversation when you decide to do it.
Open and honest conversations are all about practice. It is not a one-time deal. Practice it every day with your partner to build this positive habit. This will prove useful in the long run.
Many of the stories in my brand new book revolve around people that had hidden their intimate desires. They haven’t really spoken honestly with their partner about what they want, what they need.
This lack of communication leads to affairs, emotional affairs, addiction to pornography, alcohol, workaholism, and so much more.
As a counselor for a very long time, one of the reasons I wrote this book is to elaborate on the true meaning of intimacy and try to encourage more people all over the world to start to speak openly, more openly, about your sexual, sensual desires in love.
One of the ways of strengthening the relationship is to communicate sexually in a marriage that helps bring the partners close and develops a level of understanding and comfort between them.
Many of the couples I write about in the book had not developed intimacy in a relationship because they did not share their deep, erotic desires with their partner because they were afraid of being criticized! Rejected! Abandoned!
And if you’re going to stay stuck in a relationship and not get your needs met, and if your partner may not be getting there and meet needs met, why are we even staying together?
One of the stories in the book that I share came from a former client, where the wife never thought her “accountant husband” would be interested in trying anything new or different in their sex life.
So she stayed quiet for years. And when she finally brought it to his attention that she wanted to explore a different type of erotic lovemaking?
He was 100% into it! She was shocked, but I have to tell you it’s one of the most common things that happens in the world of relationships, is that when you’re open and honest, let your partner surprise you and join you in your enthusiasm.
Once she opened the doorway of sex conversations, their intimate life exploded, and they started experiencing these unbelievable sensual moments that never would’ve had happened if she didn’t risk, open the doorway and encourage her husband to work with her in the world of erotic love.
I will continue to pave the way for deeper intimacy in a relationship amongst couples. My goal is to create deep, erotic, sensual, and sexual monogamous relationships that last and last and last.“
In the video below, Esther Perel discusses intentional and willful spontaneity and their role in long term relationships. She explains our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.
To grab a copy of David‘s new book, “50 flavors of erotic love“, or to work with him one on one to help you with your intimacy and desires, please visit www.DavidEssel.com
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy, Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere.
(David Essel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)