How to Increase Intimacy in a Relationship: 10 Effective Ways

Tired of the same old dinner-and-a-movie routine? Wishing your relationship felt less roommates and more soulmates? 

You’re not alone! 

True intimacy is the secret sauce that takes your partnership from ordinary to extraordinary. It’s about feeling like you can truly be yourself with your partner, like they see right through to your core and get you in a way nobody else does. 

This article goes beyond just getting physical (although that’s important too!). We’re talking about building a deep emotional connection, a bond that makes you feel safe, supported, and understood

We’ll explore what intimacy really means, why it sometimes fades over time, and most importantly, how to increase intimacy in a relationship. Get ready for some powerful tips to supercharge your connection and build a relationship that thrives!

How to increase intimacy in a relationship: 10 effective ways

Intimacy is the heartbeat of any lasting relationship, fueling connection and closeness. If you’re wondering how to increase intimacy in your relationship, embracing certain behaviors can dramatically enhance the depth and quality of your bond. 

Here are some ways to learn how to increase intimacy in a relationship, each method packed with examples of intimacy and practical tips.

1. Schedule quality time together

One of the fundamental ways on how to increase intimacy is by prioritizing quality time. Plan regular dates or quiet moments where both of you can focus on each other without distractions. This dedicated time nurtures your connection and ensures you grow together, not apart.

• Try this: Set a recurring “date night” in your calendar as you would any important appointment. Treat these times as sacred, ensuring nothing else takes priority.

2. Foster open communication

Open and honest dialogue is the foundation of any intimate relationship. Encourage sharing fears, hopes, and joys. This vulnerability opens doors to deeper understanding and emotional closeness, making it essential for those looking to strengthen their bond.

• Try this: Start a weekly “check-in” where each person shares one thing that made them happy and one thing that bothered them that week. This routine promotes ongoing dialogue and understanding.

3. Enhance physical touch

Physical closeness is more than intimacy in the bedroom; it’s about incorporating affectionate touches throughout the day. For those pondering how to increase physical intimacy in a relationship, remember that a gentle caress or a reassuring hug can speak volumes and boost feelings of love and security.

• Try this: Introduce a habit of greeting each other with a hug or kiss whenever you part ways or reunite. This small gesture can significantly boost physical intimacy and connection.

4. Express appreciation

Regularly acknowledging and appreciating each other’s efforts strengthens emotional bonds. Highlight the big sacrifices and the small gestures alike—each act of gratitude makes your partner feel valued and loved.

• Try this: Leave little notes of appreciation for your partner to find, whether in their lunch bag, on the bathroom mirror, or beside their pillow, highlighting something specific you value about them.

5. Learn and grow together

Tackling new activities or hobbies as a team brings excitement and can increase intimacy. Whether it’s learning a new language or cooking a fancy dinner together, shared successes create special bonds and a treasure trove of joyful memories.

• Try this: Pick a hobby or skill you’re both interested in and commit to learning it together. Schedule regular sessions to practice and discuss what you’ve learned.

6. Build your own traditions

Create unique rituals just for the two of you. Whether it’s a monthly seaside drive or an annual hiking trip, these traditions become cherished pillars of your shared life, giving both of you something exclusive to look forward to.

• Try this: Choose a special day each month to celebrate your relationship, perhaps by recreating your first date or visiting a place that’s meaningful to you both.

7. Support personal ambitions

Showing genuine interest and support in each other’s goals can deeply enhance respect and admiration between partners. This mutual support not only helps in achieving personal dreams but also brings you closer together.

• Try this:  Actively help your partner prepare for an important meeting or project. Offer to review their presentations, practice their pitches, or simply provide moral support.

8. Plan surprises

Unexpected gestures add a layer of excitement and show thoughtfulness. A surprise can be as simple as bringing home their favorite dessert or as elaborate as a surprise weekend getaway—each act adds a spark of joy and spontaneity to your relationship.

• Try this: Once a month, do something unexpected for your partner. This could be anything from cooking their favorite meal to planning an outing to a place they’ve always wanted to visit.

9. Handle conflicts with care

When disagreements arise, addressing them with respect and a willingness to understand each other’s perspective is crucial. Constructive conflict resolution fosters resilience in your relationship and deepens trust.

• Try this: Implement a ‘cool-off’ rule where if a discussion becomes too heated, both partners agree to take a short break before continuing the conversation. This helps maintain respect and calm during conflicts.

10. Share deeper beliefs

Engaging in discussions about life’s bigger questions or personal beliefs can significantly enhance spiritual and emotional intimacy. These deep exchanges enrich your understanding of each other and reinforce your emotional connection.

• Try this: Schedule a regular evening dedicated to discussing a book, movie, or article that touches on philosophical or spiritual themes. Use this as a springboard to explore each other’s thoughts and beliefs.

What is intimacy in a relationship?

Intimacy in a relationship is the deep, meaningful connection that partners share, allowing them to feel safe, valued, and loved. It’s not just about physical closeness but includes emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections.

Imagine your relationship as a campfire. Intimacy is the firewood that keeps it burning bright! 

It’s that deep connection that goes way beyond just hanging out together. Intimacy is feeling safe to be yourself completely, knowing your partner truly sees and values you. 

You can share anything with them, your joys, worries, even your weird hobbies (without judgment!). This strong bond makes you feel understood and supported, like you’re truly on the same team facing life’s adventures together.

That’s the magic of intimacy – it keeps your relationship warm, strong, and ready for anything!

Types of intimacy in a relationship

Intimacy in a relationship manifests in various forms, each contributing uniquely to a strong and healthy partnership. Understanding the different types of intimacy can help couples deepen their connection in meaningful ways. 

Here are the different types of intimacy, showing how diverse and enriching these connections can be.

• Emotional intimacy

This form of intimacy involves sharing your deepest feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. It is built through empathetic listening, vulnerability, and mutual support. When partners can express themselves without fear of rejection or judgment, they develop a strong, supportive bond that enhances other forms of intimacy.

• Example: Sharing your feelings after a tough day at work and receiving empathetic support and understanding from your partner, strengthening the emotional bond between you.

• Physical intimacy

Physical intimacy includes a wide range of physical expressions of love and affection beyond just sexual activities. Regular, affectionate touch can strengthen the sense of connection and security between partners, reinforcing their emotional bond.

Research shows that in relationships intimacy and sexuality are directly linked in a manner where an improvement in one results in an improvement in the other. 

• Example: Holding hands while walking through a park, which reinforces a sense of closeness and comfort without the need for words.

• Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is achieved when partners respect each other’s perspectives and are interested in learning from one another. It involves sharing thoughts and ideas and engaging in meaningful conversations that stimulate mental connection and growth.

• Example: Discussing the themes of a new book you’ve both read, exchanging thoughts and insights, which sharpens your intellectual connection and mutual respect for each other’s viewpoints.

• Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy involves connecting on a spiritual or existential level, including sharing core beliefs and values. When partners understand and respect each other’s spiritual paths, they experience a profound sense of unity.

• Example: Attending a meditation retreat together, where you explore your spiritual beliefs and practices, enhancing your spiritual connection through shared experiences and discussions.

Experiential intimacy

Couples build experiential intimacy by spending quality time together and engaging in activities that they both enjoy. These shared experiences create unique personal memories and a shared history, which are foundational to a lasting bond.

• Example: Planning and cooking a meal together from a new cuisine, which not only builds teamwork but also creates memorable experiences that bond you closer. 

Causes of lack of intimacy in relationships

Understanding the reasons behind reduced intimacy is crucial in figuring out how to increase intimacy in a relationship. Recognizing these barriers can pave the way for deeper connections and fulfilling interactions.

1. Busy schedules

When life gets hectic with responsibilities like work, children, and social commitments, couples often find that quality time together becomes a rarity. This lack of time spent in each other’s company can lead to a gradual disconnection emotionally and physically, as there are fewer opportunities to connect and reinforce the intimate bond.

• How to avoid this: Prioritize and schedule uninterrupted time together just like any important appointment. Whether it’s a regular date night or a brief coffee together in the morning, make sure to carve out dedicated time for each other in your busy schedules.

2. Communication barriers

When couples struggle to express their needs, desires, or feelings, it can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of neglect or loneliness. Over time, this can erode the trust and closeness that define an intimate relationship.

• How to avoid this: Practice active listening and express your thoughts and feelings openly. Set a routine, such as a weekly ‘check-in’ where each person shares their experiences and emotions without interruptions or judgments.

3. Stress and external pressures

External pressures such as financial worries, job stress, or family issues can overwhelm individuals and spill over into their relationships. Stress can make people irritable, withdrawn, or less available emotionally, impacting the intimacy between partners as they struggle to support each other effectively.

• How to avoid this: Develop stress management techniques together. This could include activities like yoga, meditation, or regular exercise. Support each other in taking breaks and finding ways to decompress individually and as a couple.

4. Health issues

Physical or mental health issues can significantly impact intimacy. Conditions like depression, anxiety, chronic pain, or low libido can make emotional and physical closeness challenging. When a partner is unwell, the focus often shifts towards managing symptoms rather than cultivating intimacy.

• How to avoid this: Foster a supportive environment that encourages open discussion about health concerns. Consider seeking professional help from therapists or counselors who specialize in dealing with chronic conditions affecting intimacy.

5. Neglect of emotional needs

When partners neglect each other’s emotional needs, it can lead to feelings of being undervalued or unloved. Without attention to these needs, emotional intimacy wanes, and partners may feel more like roommates than lovers, leading to a significant gap in their intimate connection.

• How to avoid this: Regularly express appreciation and affection. Acknowledge the small acts of kindness and effort your partner shows. Make it a habit to say thank you and to point out the things you love about them, ensuring their emotional needs are met.

To learn about the signs of emotional hunger, watch this video:

6. Lack of mutual growth

Couples who do not grow together can drift apart. When individuals evolve in their interests, beliefs, or personal goals without finding common ground, they can feel less connected. This lack of shared experiences and goals can diminish the feelings of intimacy as partners no longer feel they are on the same path.

• How to avoid this: Engage in new activities together that stimulate both personal and mutual growth. Join classes, explore new hobbies, or set shared goals that encourage you to learn and evolve alongside each other, keeping the relationship dynamic and engaging.

Is intimacy important in a relationship? Absolutely. By addressing these issues, couples can take proactive steps to rebuild and enhance intimacy, ensuring their relationship remains strong and connected.

Wrapping up

If you’re wondering how to increase intimacy in a relationship, start by implementing these ten practices. Act now to deepen your connection—each small step will lead to significant improvements in your bond.

Embrace open communication, cherish shared experiences, and support each other’s dreams to build a more fulfilling partnership. 

Remember, the journey toward greater intimacy is continuous and rewarding. By dedicating time and effort, showing appreciation, and maintaining physical closeness, you strengthen your relationship each day. 

Commit to these actions, and watch your intimacy flourish, enhancing every aspect of your relationship for a richer, more connected life together.

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The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less